How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Aurelia]

Ashamed to still be alive. Ashamed to have stuck around for a decade, and to be stuck with the same problems, and stuck saying the same thing to the same people without end, for no apparent reason.

Otherwise, I had a decent day.

I'm laughing at that sense of humor of yours. "Otherwise, I had a decent day!" Lol. 😀 M, you are not allowed to die, do you understand me? I literally forbid it. And yes, you could very well say that I have no right to do so, and you'd be 100% correct, of course. Nevertheless, I STILL forbid it because I love you. Because I'm selfish and want you to live. And if you chose not to, it would make me miserable. I'd cry and wouldn't stop crying for heavens knows how long. So please, I am begging you, don't do this. You have no reason to be ashamed. You're literally so strong and brave. You're a survivor in every sense of the word and have everything to love yourself for.

 

[Lane]

Can I please answer by quoting a post I made before this one? I hope I'm not thought of as lazy. I'm just tired. Here goes...

"My feelings aren't as intense as yesterday, thank heaven! Too many things came at me all at once yesterday, & I really had a severe time coping & tolerating everything. I just wanted out. But my love & responsibility for my 12-year-old kitty, Abby, overrode all that & here I am to fight another day. Dealing with my mental health (e.g., C-PTSD, etc.), my physical health (e.g., severe asthma, hypertension, etc.), at the same time as work stress (e.g., workplace bullying by a narcissistic, overcontrolling employer & repeated abuse from a client over a four-month period that just stopped at the end of last June (e.g. disparaging remarks about my person, poking me in my left eye resulting in a scratch of my cornea necessitating antibiotic eye drops, & threatening to k*ll me on two separate occasions [I'm not kidding, fibbing, &/or over-exaggerating]), was too much to bear already. But then flashbacks came last Saturday & yesterday making everything even worse. Thank God no flashbacks today. So, my distress has eased to more tolerable limits."

The flashbacks are about the sex*al abuse I suffered as a small kid, inside & outside the home. Everything feels as though it's happening now. I experience the same physical sensations & emotions as I did during the actual abuse. It's painful, terrifying, & shameful. Thank you for caring & listening.🙏💕🌈🪻🌺🌻

We care about you here. Sorry that you're reliving those traumas. You deserve love and care. Just wondering if you've had any therapy/counseling for the abuse you went through?

 

[Lane]

Well I kind of blew it giving my notice today. After I went through my speech the boss offered me part time work. So I have to decide whether to go part time or not this week. On a personal note it’ll be financially better to go part time but I don’t like the work I am doing now and I will be finishing it up anyway if I quit. So more dilemma for another couple of days. Sigh.

You could always try it, and if you don't like it, stop. Here for you.

 

[TragicReality]

I'm ok. Annoyed I can hear the womans cell phone vibrate upstairs. A bit sore still.

 

[AvidFan]

Ok. No work except a bit of light admin and email triage today. Got some sleep after surviving Manic Monday. No more like that coming up again for some time and will aim to avoid over committing to meetings on the same day again, if possible. My nervous system might be finally revving down out of DEFCON 1.

 

[Inastorm]

Really !ucked off and down, nothing has happened, im just getting sick of things, fed up, lost, longing for my !sshole friend. Wanting to give myself a big shake. Everything seems pointless.

 

[AvidFan]

Really !ucked off and down, nothing has happened, im just getting sick of things, fed up, lost, longing for my !sshole friend. Wanting to give myself a big shake. Everything seems pointless.

Sorry to hear this. I hope you can feel a bit better soon. I think it can be worse when the weather is nice as you're expected to be cheerful. Not that I know what the weather is like near you - it's 28C and sunny here.

 

[Atreides]

i'm so happy it kind of scares me. idk if that makes sense. but it feels like there's so much good in my life that it's kind of unfair. why do i get this and so many people suffer?

 

[Bergerac]

i'm so happy it kind of scares me. idk if that makes sense. but it feels like there's so much good in my life that it's kind of unfair. why do i get this and so many people suffer?

Wonderful to hear, my J. xx

 

[LumberJack]

I’m feeling okay now but I’m just waking up. Last night I was hurting so badly that I was entertaining thoughts that I would deny entry to under normal conditions. Those thoughts haven’t ramped up yet, so it’s at least a nice break.

 

[may71]

Very anxious. Completely miscalculated something and now left wondering what on Earth to do. Panicking and not sure of next move, or the time I have to make it in.

Sorry this is happening. I hope you'll post about it on the forums if you'd like to, but I understand if you don't feel like you could do that.

 

[Bergerac]

Sorry this is happening. I hope you'll post about it on the forums if you'd like to, but I understand if you don't feel like you could do that.

thank you so very much. It is getting sorted now. How are you? xx

 

[may71]

workplace bullying by a narcissistic, overcontrolling employer & repeated abuse from a client over a four-month period

All of this is really horrifying (not just the part I quoted).

If it helps, you deserve much better than this. I hope the universe will start being much kinder to you soon.

Sending hugs

 

[may71]

thank you

You're welcome!

It is getting sorted now

That's good

How are you?

I'm pretty good. I think the exercise, sunshine, and fresh air I've been getting has been doing me some good

 

[may71]

i'm so happy

That's good

it feels like there's so much good in my life that it's kind of unfair

If you're making efforts to try to help others who are suffering, there's no need to feel guilty about having good things in your life.

 

[1Lefty]

.

 

[may71]

It feels like betrayal to separate myself from them

I think it's ok to hold on to a few things, at least until you're ready to let go of them.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm feeling curious and maybe optimistic for the first time in months. I just went and ran 3 quarters of a mile. Went for my usual walk, but in my running kit, then when I got to the trail, started my watch (with Strava set to private) and ran. Stopped my watch and walked a bit, then started and ran again. No pain, no tingling, nothing at all. Most odd, but welcome! Still fine now but will see how it unfolds.

 

[Windhover]

.

(h) Hope you are okay 1Lefty

 

[Inastorm]

I'm feeling curious and maybe optimistic for the first time in months. I just went and ran 3 quarters of a mile. Went for my usual walk, but in my running kit, then when I got to the trail, started my watch (with Strava set to private) and ran. Stopped my watch and walked a bit, then started and ran again. No pain, no tingling, nothing at all. Most odd, but welcome! Still fine now but will see how it unfolds.

Do you have a bicycle? Might be good to get a cheap outdoor bike and cycle around a park, build back up to running again.