Lol no I haven't got a bike. Don't really have room for one and don't like biking anyway. Not lost any fitness, I didn't even breathe hard on my little jog, I think the walking has kept the machinery in some kind of order. It's complicated to explain but I think the issue has been biochemical rather then biomechanical. Still fine so far, not so much as a murmur from my leg, which is odd considering it was complaining about walking to the kitchen last week... 😲
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I'm teary as I write this. I'm feeling worse again today. Another flashback & suicidal thoughts & feelings a little desperate. I'm so tired of living this way. I really am. It's so hard. Going to work later & have to smile, pretending I'm great. Covering up takes so much energy, too. Don't know what else to say, really.
. I hope today is better for you 
Ok. I survived the commute, it's been 30C and the warmth normally knocks me out but am coping reasonably well. I had a cancelled meeting at office tomorrow which means I don't have to commute again till middle of next week - people are off, projects are slowed down accordingly, and so things get cancelled and slow down. In fact I've got next week more or less off altogether, which I think I could do with. Will need to spin a plate here and there, but the stars seem to be aligning to give me a bit of time off.
I'm doing ok. Seems I'm getting the ants in here under control with some ant traps. I need a better vacuum. I'm not looking forward to time with my sister on Friday, but I should just change my attitude. I'll keep as quiet as possible, I don't blame her getting annoyed when I talk too much. My back is better, I've rested enough. If I do too much it all gets inflammed feeling. It's hot here to me too, I think I might go get a few groceries and water the flowers again at the cemetery.
@bubblebear
I read your diary entry from today. Good luck with your work review, don't let the superiority they seem to have make you feel below them, your not. You sound like you work really hard just like they probably do.
I read your diary entry from today. Good luck with your work review, don't let the superiority they seem to have make you feel below them, your not. You sound like you work really hard just like they probably do.
***Trigger warning --> mentioning child sexu*al ab*se.
Not great. My narcissist, bullying boss at one of the three places I work (same industry) accused me of lying about not feeling well this past Monday & taking sick pay under false pretenses. I couldn't work this last Monday because of multiple flasjbacks throughout the day, severe headaches, & suicidal & self-harming thoughts & impulses. So I called in saying I had a severe sore throat making it hard to speak. (I have to talk a lot in my industry.) Yes, I lied about being sick, but the 'nature' of my illness, not that I just wanted a day off with pay. When he told me this over the phone, I felt like the floor beneath me was crumbling. So, what choice did I have? Call in sick because of acute C-PTSD & DID symptoms along with suicidal ideation & self-harming impulses? I would've been fired on the spot. Ninety-nine % of the time I go to work even when I feel very crummy. This past Monday I was experiencing a lot of flashbacks including severe body memories. I felt like I was being hit by a truck. I could barely walk & the body memories made me feel like I was being r*ped as a child all over again along with all the body sensations associated with that. I could've told him all this? No! He would've fired me, saying I'm not trustworthy, incompetent, a source of fear from my clients, etc. I cried. I'm still crying. I absolutely don't know what to do. I stayed home last Monday because I knew I couldn't cover up my distress like I most often do. I didn't want to get fired. I feel like giving up completely.
Not great. My narcissist, bullying boss at one of the three places I work (same industry) accused me of lying about not feeling well this past Monday & taking sick pay under false pretenses. I couldn't work this last Monday because of multiple flasjbacks throughout the day, severe headaches, & suicidal & self-harming thoughts & impulses. So I called in saying I had a severe sore throat making it hard to speak. (I have to talk a lot in my industry.) Yes, I lied about being sick, but the 'nature' of my illness, not that I just wanted a day off with pay. When he told me this over the phone, I felt like the floor beneath me was crumbling. So, what choice did I have? Call in sick because of acute C-PTSD & DID symptoms along with suicidal ideation & self-harming impulses? I would've been fired on the spot. Ninety-nine % of the time I go to work even when I feel very crummy. This past Monday I was experiencing a lot of flashbacks including severe body memories. I felt like I was being hit by a truck. I could barely walk & the body memories made me feel like I was being r*ped as a child all over again along with all the body sensations associated with that. I could've told him all this? No! He would've fired me, saying I'm not trustworthy, incompetent, a source of fear from my clients, etc. I cried. I'm still crying. I absolutely don't know what to do. I stayed home last Monday because I knew I couldn't cover up my distress like I most often do. I didn't want to get fired. I feel like giving up completely.
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Cheap bicycles are no longer cheap over here. Not sure about the situation in the UK, but I was looking at bicycles in a discount store and found they were starting at about $370, which is probably around £300 or so. Might be less, because someone has been making such an ass of the USA to our allies that they are sensibly dumping their dollar reserves, making the dollar even weaker. But please, tell me more about what a business genius he is 🙄. Okay tirade aside, those bikes are the steel frame and worthless plastic components that would break if the thing was any pleasure to ride. If you want something slightly less heavy and with brakes that are good for over 20 km, then you are looking at $700 and up.
