How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I'm feeling overwhelmed and wrapped up in resentment. Still over the damage they did to me during inpatient. It's really me not wanting to face my financial reality, but it's almost like the harder I try to courageously face my own problems, the more intensely the intrusive thoughts come on.

I am going to a recovery meeting tonight, not 12 step or anything like that, not even specific to addiction or mental illness. The point is to make gradual progress towards wholeness regardless of what your underlying recovery issue is. This is great for me because I'm dual diagnosis. So at least I'm doing something, but I don't feel at all like the drive since it is 45 minutes in downtown rush hour, aka 40 MPH on the freeway and 15MPH once I get into the city. That said it is also very helpful when I do go and it just friggin hurts to be rehearsing and rehashing my abuse incidents all the time.

 

[LumberJack]

Yes please. Back when I had an acupuncturist, my homework was to find ways to self-regulate. He's in Australia and so I don't have access to him anymore.

well what works best for me is deep breathing exercises. There is "box breathing" where you breathe in for let's say 4 counts, hold for four, breathe out slowly for 4 and then hold for 4 before the next inhale. Sometimes the holding breath part is not good if I'm about to panic. I discussed this in therapy and she said it's really not necessary to be exact with the timing; if it's harder to go that slow just go a little slower than your original pace and move it down from there. I mention this because I know you are a runner and therefore know how to breathe. It's the same as running just slower, lol. The other breathing is just the technique where you have one hand on your abdomen and one over your chest, and you breathe deeply and slowly using the diaphragm, which will lift only the lower hand and the hand over the chest should stay put. The main thing is to get out of shallow, rapid breathing that characterizes anxiety in the physiology. Ideally the duration of the out-breath is longer than the in-breath as this is helpful for the vagus nerve, meaning it shifts us from a sympathetic (fight/flight/freeze) activation into a parasympathetic (rest/digest) state.

Other things that have worked for me, but take more effort so I only bring them out when the big guns are called for:

• DBT coping exercises (better for mild anxiety, not so much if it has already started to snowball)
• CBT reframing written exercises
• Escapism, such as getting lost in a book that is read only for enjoyment.
• Drinking a lot of water. Downside is more time in the restroom, but even that can help if you're in a crowd, lol.

I could dig up links for the exercises if you want, but I would be surprised if you haven't seen them already.

 

[KM76710]

My friend has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I don’t know what is going to happen next. She is very holistic and rejects the idea of chemotherapy and radiation. the little bit I have read about her cancer is not very encouraging. I will be able to spend time with her this weekend as we live faily close. The doctors have not discussed anything with her. I’m going to try to be there for her Through this time of her endurance. I’m going to struggle with it just like you. Back when I joined this forum I would have gladly accepted cancer as a means to die. Now I am comfortable my friends are starting to die off. I am just babbling. I will be going through the same experience as you.

Wishing for all the best for your friend with her pancreatic cancer. I am glad you will able to visit with her and that you live close to each other during times like this for her, and you.

 

[Holding my breath]

Not been here for a while. Thought I’d drop in as I’m struggling to sleep again. Seem to have more nights unable to sleep than ones I can atm. So lying here, head going around in circles. I should be tired, earlier I was feeling exhausted, but it doesn’t seem to matter how hard a day I’ve had or how tired I feel, I come to bed and just lie here. It’s infuriating.
Hope everyone is managing ok. I know life can be tough. Sending ((hugs)) to those who need one.

 

[Windhover]

well what works best for me is deep breathing exercises. There is "box breathing" where you breathe in for let's say 4 counts, hold for four, breathe out slowly for 4 and then hold for 4 before the next inhale. Sometimes the holding breath part is not good if I'm about to panic. I discussed this in therapy and she said it's really not necessary to be exact with the timing; if it's harder to go that slow just go a little slower than your original pace and move it down from there. I mention this because I know you are a runner and therefore know how to breathe. It's the same as running just slower, lol. The other breathing is just the technique where you have one hand on your abdomen and one over your chest, and you breathe deeply and slowly using the diaphragm, which will lift only the lower hand and the hand over the chest should stay put. The main thing is to get out of shallow, rapid breathing that characterizes anxiety in the physiology. Ideally the duration of the out-breath is longer than the in-breath as this is helpful for the vagus nerve, meaning it shifts us from a sympathetic (fight/flight/freeze) activation into a parasympathetic (rest/digest) state.

Other things that have worked for me, but take more effort so I only bring them out when the big guns are called for:

• DBT coping exercises (better for mild anxiety, not so much if it has already started to snowball)
• CBT reframing written exercises
• Escapism, such as getting lost in a book that is read only for enjoyment.
• Drinking a lot of water. Downside is more time in the restroom, but even that can help if you're in a crowd, lol.

I could dig up links for the exercises if you want, but I would be surprised if you haven't seen them already.

I've copied your entire postinto a note. 💫Thank you very much LumberJack. Yes as for the exercises for the most part. I'm sensing I'm at a new corner in my life. I mean, recovering from the zombie months. So, as long as I continue to build back some emotional strength, I think things will be okay eventually. (h)

 

[Mid Night]

My friend has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I don’t know what is going to happen next. She is very holistic and rejects the idea of chemotherapy and radiation. the little bit I have read about her cancer is not very encouraging. I will be able to spend time with her this weekend as we live faily close. The doctors have not discussed anything with her. I’m going to try to be there for her Through this time of her endurance. I’m going to struggle with it just like you. Back when I joined this forum I would have gladly accepted cancer as a means to die. Now I am comfortable my friends are starting to die off. I am just babbling. I will be going through the same experience as you.

I'm praying for you and your friend too Cymbele.

 

[AvidFan]

Awful. Terrible night. Again, body and mind clearly need sleep. So like offering someone dying of thirst water, I went to bed and my body spat out sleep like it was poison. 1am, 2am, 3am, up and down, trying to do the whole "don't lie in bed" sleep hygiene thing. Eventually must have dozed off but then 6.30am wide awake with my mind and body going into freefall and my stress level through the roof - subjectively and on my watch. Another day of plodding through and surviving somehow.

 

[Lane]

I am going to lose a dear dear friend that I love in the next few weeks, maybe he has some months. He was just initiated into the MD Anderson Cancer system for treatments etc and I picked him up during his discharge a few days ago and had a couple of hours with him which was a gift since I hadn't seen him for 3 months. And I know he is deteriorating and I just have to accept it. There is nothing I can do to help since he is staying with his uncaring family in Dallas these days and it just happened to work out that I could go pick him up and take him to where he had to go. That's another story. All I can do is text with him and have a short phone call with him every few days when he feels up to it. My heart is breaking, he is such a dear wonderful man and he wants to live but he is in pain in many ways. Sh*t. Feeling helpless and not sure I will make it to acceptance anytime soon.

Very sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like you are a blessing to him during this trying time Janis.

 

[Bergerac]

I'm looking to teach (and first, be taught) about the armor of the Lord. Another community project, forming the foundation of my work.

 

[Inastorm]

In the USA it's a state-by-state thing. We pay into an unemployment insurance (UI) fund via mandatory withholding from our paychecks. Then when we lose a job through no fault of our own and not our own timing (layoff) - we can make a claim. The payout is about 50% of your pre-tax income monthly averaged over the past 12 months before the layoff. However, it only runs for 26 weeks and then you're on your own. I also have to pay normal income taxes on the UI so it comes out to half what I took home as well. I have to do at least 3 job-search activities each week to make a claim for that week. Mainly looking for positions, applying, and interviewing if you get one, and then you can also count classes taken to advance your skills.

So today was the 4th to last payout after which I'm on my butt. I still have some savings to rely on but that won't last another 6 months, since I have been drawing that down as it is with only getting half my income.
If I get a job pushing a broom or picking up carts (I think you call them as "trolleys" which I prefer) from a parking lot - that has 2 disadvantages. It will make me look like a clown to recruiters in my field, and the starting wage for unskilled jobs is less than half what I made before, so even more of a shortfall than UI payments.

Thanks for this, thats really interesting.

 

[Bergerac]

I really don't know if to help an acquaintance who is morally bankrupt. I am looking for advice. Is it safe to even get in with them to do this? I'm not sure.

 

[AvidFan]

Terrible. I got to the office to find someone had cancelled the meeting half way through my commute (checked email when I got there). I could have turned back. I could have stayed in fucking bed. I'm sick of all the bullshit, the hurdles, the traps, minefields and hazards that are just a normal day in my world. Just had enough at the moment. I could have been sorting out 100 other problems that I am juggling right now but don't have any energy to even do 1.

 

[LumberJack]

I really don't know if to help an acquaintance who is morally bankrupt. I am looking for advice. Is it safe to even get in with them to do this? I'm not sure.

Is your friend asking for help? Usually people don’t change until the pain of not changing is more than the pain of changing.

Sorry about the cliche, but some cliches are quoted often because they have some truth to them. If they are not asking for help, then chances are that anything you try to do will backfire and they will see it as interference at best.

If they are asking for help, then it might be good to start with how can you be of service. It has to be about them 100% and about you 0.00%. If you have not handled similar issues in your own life, then the best of intentions might end up being the path to hell.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m still lonely. Tried a hookup app the other night and struck out, but I was not being very patient and I have to face that my pics today are not so enticing as the pics from 10 years ago. Might try meetup for less sexually charged interactions.

I have trouble finding ones that are not centered around drinking, as in “we’re a drinking club with an (insert activity here) problem” type of meetup.

I’m wondering why I am always trying to talk myself out of doing something.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m having a slow morning, but I’m not beating myself up over it. I got out of bed 90 minutes ago and I haven’t made coffee yet. Usually my routine is coffee-meditation-get ready for wherever I have to be. Today is an appointment to have my TMJ appliance resurfaced to even out the wear. I have been grinding a lot and it doesn’t sit evenly on my teeth now. The appliance is an orthotic for my jaw, basically a retainer with a copy of my bottom teeth rising from the top, but shifted forward a bit to compensate for my overbite.

 

[Bergerac]

Is your friend asking for help? Usually people don’t change until the pain of not changing is more than the pain of changing.

Sorry about the cliche, but some cliches are quoted often because they have some truth to them. If they are not asking for help, then chances are that anything you try to do will backfire and they will see it as interference at best.

If they are asking for help, then it might be good to start with how can you be of service. It has to be about them 100% and about you 0.00%. If you have not handled similar issues in your own life, then the best of intentions might end up being the path to hell.

thank you for the advice. take care.

 

[HappyKitty]

Tbh for someone with health condition, a part of-, and productivity maybe easy for you but not for me to sustain efforts, I find it hard to feel deserving of happiness. So its hard for me to be supportive of you when you made it, I can wish you well but- it doesn't stops there. Like whats next for you if you got it, so what? Yano. In reality, I'm rough like that.

 

[AvidFan]

Like I don't want to be in this world any more. Longing to use my method. Suppose in actual fact I'll hang on one more day. Then what? I'm sick of my life just being hanging on for another day, all I'm doing is surviving and it's becoming unbearable.

 

[JanisSPK]

Very sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like you are a blessing to him during this trying time Janis.

I hope so Lane. And thank you for your kind thoughts

 

[Windhover]

I really don't know if to help an acquaintance who is morally bankrupt. I am looking for advice. Is it safe to even get in with them to do this? I'm not sure.

Does this friend want your help with some general issue(s) in their life, or specifically with pushing their morals into a higher place?


@Bergerac If the person needs help coupled with wanting help - this is best for a situation in which you find yourself wanting to assist someone.

If they need help with 'x' and you want to help them with 'x and y,' then that's going to be messy, and potentially as @LumberJack said, a path to hell. It's complicated, to be euphamistic, to impose a moral yardstick on a friend in the midst of helping, if that makes sense.