How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Windhover]

You deserve to have all that you wish for seabird. Also, hope youre not feeling too under the weather due to a virus.

Lane it's kind of you to remind me of the idea of being desserving (h). It's evil twin has a deep history.

As for the virus or whatever the f* this is, woke up with my head swimming after a poor sleep. I am very angry at it because I couldn't have my self-regulation medicine, which is to say I couldn't go on a run.

 

[Congratsbaby]

That's fine and welcome thank you! 🙏

You're welcome

 

[Shinzon1]

Better but not better

Got things sorted with the girlfriend however the dynamics have changed to the point where it feels interesting to be simultaneously "yeah cool, safety" but then on the other breath be like "oh wait how does this work?". I may be having some vague avoidant attachment issue but....ehhh

I have decided to fully make up my mind on that and my life in a few months. No rush I figure but I also should prepare my brain.

 

[AvidFan]

Busy and productive but not manic like Wednesday. Got last call of the week shortly, got admin and emails sorted, took broken laptop to shop down the street to see if it can be repaired as a spare or if it's toast/beyond sensible cost to repair. Thought he'd fixed it as it was working - but then the same thing happened again and it died again. So he said he'll run some tests and what have you. Might get working laptop for new ram and £50. Or at least be able to properly retire it.

 

[Inastorm]

I'm trying to keep myself busy but I don't know if this is normal or not, but it's like I'm in a continued state of panic, just keeping of thinking and having this awful loss/ missing them feeling, just can't shake it - it's all consuming, I wish I was dead. It's funny as that was one of the last things they said to me 'I wish you were dead'.

 

[Lane]

I'm trying to keep myself busy but I don't know if this is normal or not, but it's like I'm in a continued state of panic, just keeping of thinking and having this awful loss/ missing them feeling, just can't shake it - it's all consuming, I wish I was dead. It's funny as that was one of the last things they said to me 'I wish you were dead'.

That's an awful thing to say to someone. Sorry you went through that @Inastorm. I hope that your panic symptoms get some relief. Losing someone, especially if they are still alive hurts so much.

 

[Lane]

My niece arrived and will br staying with me for what looks like 2 months or so. I just worry because she lost a lot of weight and drinks about 2 bottles of wine and day, and she lost weight. I luv having her here but I worry.

 

[Congratsbaby]

I feel brave , I asked someone that I want to know them more despite my fear of abandonment and lack of self worth
Ahhh like who is she ? ( Me )

 

[SillyOldBear]

Like dying, which I so want to do. Between health, finances and this crap ass world where I can only see things getting worse; I am so ready to leave. Thank God I am old and don't have too many years left.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm trying to keep myself busy but I don't know if this is normal or not, but it's like I'm in a continued state of panic, just keeping of thinking and having this awful loss/ missing them feeling, just can't shake it - it's all consuming, I wish I was dead. It's funny as that was one of the last things they said to me 'I wish you were dead'.

I am sorry they said that to you. That is totally unfair, you are a decent person. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I hope it can pass or has passed. I missed this yesterday 😢

 

[crowgarden]

Ugly. So ugly. I know this seems like nothing compared to the things I usually talk about but it's really been eating at my mental state for the last couple months. Idk why. I used to feel really pretty but now everytime I look into the mirror I can't help but feel disgusted. I don't get it.

I already have a million problems I can barely deal with and now this. I just wanna lock myself in my room and never come out. I'm so sick of this.

 

[Lonely dude30]

Tired I just finish work today

 

[3nufk1n.sheepies]

upset, triggered, violated

Let me explain why for context, someones input or empathy would be nice

an instagram account with bio "Im not always super outgoing, but once i open up im fun" following me triggered me
do they think me having three posts and a short bio about who i am ("snufkin apoxian sheepies") counts as being extremely outgoing?

am i delusional or an EXTREME EXTRAVERT IN DENIAL 😭😭😭😭
or the rules for what counts as an "extravert" is getting lower and lower

 

[KM76710]

Tired I just finish work today

I do understand the tired bit. Housework here thought for myself, not work work.

 

[Congratsbaby]

Ugly. So ugly. I know this seems like nothing compared to the things I usually talk about but it's really been eating at my mental state for the last couple months. Idk why. I used to feel really pretty but now everytime I look into the mirror I can't help but feel disgusted. I don't get it.

I already have a million problems I can barely deal with and now this. I just wanna lock myself in my room and never come out. I'm so sick of this.

Hugs if they are okay to you. We live in a world where looks matter a lot.
You might fit into standards and you might not ( depending on country and time period) regardless I am not trying to tell you that your feelings aren't valid.
But I hope you see that you're beautiful in your own way, without fitting into any standards.

 

[LumberJack]

I had a great day today. I went to a baby shower for my niece who is having twins and it was a lot of fun and good to see a few relatives as well. I asked one of my cousins if she would be willing to be on my safety plan and she said that would be no problem.

My intrusive thoughts, though, are pestering the heck out of me. This is par for the course whenever I go to an event where I end up talking to anything more than 7 people and/or 3 new people. On the way home the self criticism shows up and makes me cringe at everything I said that wasn’t particularly eloquent, or that I wish maybe I hadn’t shared.

I know that it’s just me; I don’t think my cousin was driving home gossiping about anything I said; I sure as don’t criticize others, or even remember quite what said. I think that the vast majority of people don’t leave a conversation ruminating about what the other person subconsciously revealed by what they said and didn’t say. That doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable; but I can at least not make it worse!

 

[Inastorm]

I think I had 5 nightmares last night about the relationship, one after the other and all very different but all with the same theme and all distressing. Feel like crap and struggling to get up.

 

[AvidFan]

I think I had 5 nightmares last night about the relationship, one after the other and all very different but all with the same theme and all distressing. Feel like crap and struggling to get up.

Have you tried EMDR? Don't know if it's available to you, I was talking to someone who was having a lot of bad dreams about a loss and this type of therapy thing seemed to help. Whether it would work for you or not I don't know but it might be worth looking at, you definitely seem to be stuck in a trauma response of some kind.

Sorry if advice isn't welcome right now, just trying to help. I'm sorry you had the nightmares and are feeling bad.

 

[Inastorm]

@AvidFan
No I havent tried EMDR. I had a letter from the doctor the other day offering some workshop for Borderline. I left the leaflet on top of the washing machine in the kitchen, the leaflet in big letter says 'so you've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, what next?'

The new neighbour came round yesterday to say hi and we were talking in the kitchen, then I thought 'shit, the leaflet', which was visible - comedy moment.

 

[Inastorm]

That's an awful thing to say to someone. Sorry you went through that @Inastorm. I hope that your panic symptoms get some relief. Losing someone, especially if they are still alive hurts so much.

Thanks Lane, yes, while of course I am glad they are alive, many people don't seem to get that - 'that' the fact they are still out there, hurts so much. I tried to explain this to the doctor, I kept saying, 'well, it was like 25 years etc', but he didn't get it and didn't acknowledge it as grief, saying 'well they are still alive'.