Woke up this morning and noticed that I am feeling better. Not good, but at least the fear is less intense. My intrusive thoughts are like a drill sergeant barking orders at me to kill myself interspersed with negative affirmations like, “You are worthless!!! You are a mess!!! You f**k up everything!!!”
For a change, though, I am not as distressed. I am able to just look at that drill sergeant as an overtired toddler who is screaming and yelling because he has feelings he doesn’t know how to express. It’s really tiring to have a whiny toddler in my head, but it’s nothing to fear.