How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

Oh dear, I hope that’s not how I came across. I don’t think that was what you meant, but if anyone else took it that way, I’d like to clarify below -

I meant quite the opposite. My underlying meaning, as I see it for now, is that we don’t need to be blissfully unaware of our own pain and that of others.

I like the metaphor of a grindstone, as in those old school knife sharpening tools- pain can grind us down as well as sharpen our insight, so to speak. The difference is in the angle of approach. Either way, though it’s still pain.

Life is suffering; to deny this leads to all sorts of destructive illusions. I have learned from my grief that, I sometimes have to go through it, as opposed to, e.g., getting high or some other form of avoidance. Again this is still very rough draft for me. I totally apologize if I sounded glib or flippant.

Oh no, I'm sorry if you misunderstood, I wasn't referring to your view on it, was just trying to convey the difficulty of on one level experiencing a glimpse of perfection but it's hard to reconcile that with suffering in the world. I was more thinking of the fake Buddha quote about laughing at the sky if you only knew how perfect things are... And how nonsensical that can sound to people who are suffering a lot.

Your posts are always gentle and informative, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was referring to your view, I was just thinking out loud generally!

I should pick my words more carefully sometimes 🫠

 

[JanisSPK]

Lame! People who steal earbuds have got to have something missing from their thought process. Like if someone wants to stick something in their ear that has spent literally hours per week in my ears, since they were new, ick. Maybe they imagined selling them, but the market for used earbuds must also be populated with people who lack a healthy respect for hygiene.

I hate buying new earbuds, too.

I'm identifying.....I left mine in the gym 3 weeks ago in a double material bagged kind of thing that I use. I just bought them 6 months ago and no one turned them in. After the shock and tearing up the house looking for them I decided to bless whoever felt they needed to keep them or sell them. Still makes me sad though. I'm sorry that they will need to be replaced for all of us

@seabird and @LumberJack

 

[JanisSPK]

@

Does anyone know what has happened to @seabird? I am extremely worried about her. She made a disturbing post, and now she seems to have disappeared. I would really appreciate a response. Thanks.

I just tried to include her in a @seabird added to a post further down here and her name doesn't come up. I am very concerned as well.....

 

[SillyOldBear]

@

I just tried to include her in a @seabird added to a post further down here and her name doesn't come up. I am very concerned as well.....

She changed her name to @Windhover

 

[AvidFan]

I honestly think I am going to be dead soon. Life is just trolling me at this point. It feels deliberate and like it's just saying "Go on, why don't you take the exit like you want to?" I don't want to list everything, but 3 separate but interacting health issues all happening in the space of 4 months, on top of multiple house issues, during a period of financial stress and chronic personal stress, and now in a period of existential dread about AI meaning I won't even have an income to get me to retirement. Nobody, but nobody will help me with my house, I have no IRL support network or anyone to turn to, and so I finally find a gap in the rain to try to be positive, go out for a walk, and come back to look up at my house and find a big wet patch spreading up near the top window. I tried to self soothe and say oh it's either side of a wire, it must be rain coming off the wire... Promptly looked at all the other wires on other houses with no such stains. No idea what's happening, it's dark, I'm stressed and tired, and I can't deal with it right now. I can't even deal with the other pile of stuff that I already know about, which involves water. As for the troll question, "Why don't you?" I'm starting to run out of answers as to why not.

 

[JanisSPK]

She changed her name to @Windhover

Thank you
Barb

 

[JanisSPK]

I'm nervous, going to have a brain scan tomorrow. I know it will be ok and nothing might be the results (no increase of what was found 3 or 4 years ago) but still on edge.. thanks for any and all support from here

 

[LumberJack]

the fake Buddha quote about laughing at the sky if you only knew how perfect things are... And how nonsensical that can sound to people who are suffering a lot.

On that we are in total agreement. The thing is that part of my currently half baked philosophical essay is that I want to carefully examine the truth of the matter, as opposed to insulting the audience with “oh, just change your attitude” nonsense.

Because, if all someone needed was a pseudo profound sounding slogan, then we would all be enlightened forever and ever.

Your posts are always gentle and informative, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was referring to your view, I was just thinking out loud generally!

I should pick my words more carefully sometimes 🫠

Nah don’t worry, I didn’t take it that way. In fact I was also thinking aloud. However we both overthink, and then we end up apologizing to each other. I find this humorous.

Finally, I know what you are describing about having certain insights out of extreme bliss and/or extreme agony* and then unable to even get back to that place everyday, let alone try to guide someone else there! There’s a book by another Buddhist hippie known as Jack Kornfield. Actually he has written many books, but one of them is titled, “After the Ecstasy, the Laundry.”

I intend to read it, but I would prefer to figure out my laundry in itself first. I’m frequently embarrassed by how much spiritual training I have ingested, and yet I still spend 40 minutes (cumulative) per day trying to find the damn phone, among other quirks of absent mindedness, stubbornness, and foolishness.

re: ecstasy and agony, I have always been fascinated by the way that the facial expressions that denote mystical absorption, and utter desperation look exactly the same to an outside observer.

 

[LumberJack]

I'm identifying.....I left mine in the gym 3 weeks ago in a double material bagged kind of thing that I use. I just bought them 6 months ago and no one turned them in. After the shock and tearing up the house looking for them I decided to bless whoever felt they needed to keep them or sell them. Still makes me sad though. I'm sorry that they will need to be replaced for all of us

@seabird and @LumberJack

Well, all things are impermanent. There’s a Zen saying that “this cup is already broken.” In practice, it has helped me be slightly less upset when I break the dishes.

Maybe a modern paraphrase could be along the lines of, “this earbud has already fallen in the toilet.” 🤣. FWIW I have entirely soured on the concept of wireless earbuds. I need the two of them tethered together, somehow- if not to keep me from losing them, then at least to keep me from losing exactly one of them.

 

[JanisSPK]

On that we are in total agreement. The thing is that part of my currently half baked philosophical essay is that I want to carefully examine the truth of the matter, as opposed to insulting the audience with “oh, just change your attitude” nonsense.

Because, if all someone needed was a pseudo profound sounding slogan, then we would all be enlightened forever and ever.


Nah don’t worry, I didn’t take it that way. In fact I was also thinking aloud. However we both overthink, and then we end up apologizing to each other. I find this humorous.

Finally, I know what you are describing about having certain insights out of extreme bliss and/or extreme agony* and then unable to even get back to that place everyday, let alone try to guide someone else there! There’s a book by another Buddhist hippie known as Jack Kornfield. Actually he has written many books, but one of them is titled, “After the Ecstasy, the Laundry.”

I intend to read it, but I would prefer to figure out my laundry in itself first. I’m frequently embarrassed by how much spiritual training I have ingested, and yet I still spend 40 minutes (cumulative) per day trying to find the damn phone, among other quirks of absent mindedness, stubbornness, and foolishness.

re: ecstasy and agony, I have always been fascinated by the way that the facial expressions that denote mystical absorption, and utter desperation look exactly the same to an outside observer.

I love Jack Kornfield's writings along with Tich Naht Hanh amongst a few others, maybe you would enjoy that are buddhist in some or all content as well..... Pema Chodron was a favorite for quite awhile......

 

[LumberJack]

Anyway, the way I feel right now is quite frustrated, but also peaceful. At least, I feel far more peaceful than my usual, albeit that’s a low bar to clear!

The frustration is around my choices, especially recently. I understand that hindsight is 20/20, but with foresight, I am legally blind! Then I feel let down again, because another one of my brilliant ideas came out so badly that I am grateful as long as I don’t injure anyone else.

The peace seems to be coming from my latest experiment of extremely narrow, immediate, what is the best thing I can do now, area of focus. It’s not that I have gotten it down, not by far! What I have accomplished, though, is that every so often, I do think to ask myself if my current line of thinking is likely to change anything for the better.

I don’t know how to “let things go.” I can, however, procrastinate! I have been leveraging this flaw against my obsessive thoughts by saying, “I can deal with it later!”

I am sure this will backfire if taken too far. Until then, though, I am using far less mental capacity trying to solve world peace and other issues of the human condition. I guess I will know when I have gotten overly laid back when something does happen as a result of my failure to anticipate every possible worst case scenario.

This is why I want to run around making jokes and, apparently, writing philosophy.

Then I feel kind of guilty because I’m feeling occasionally calm and/or amused. Then, I see everyone else (here and elsewhere) struggling so much, usually with actual problems that any clear thinking person would be distressed over. A negative reaction to a negative event is not depression; it’s rational!

I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better when people are struggling. However, when I look at it from the outside, I think it’s good and even helpful to talk about the moments of relief in addition to the moments of misery.

 

[cymbele]

On one hand I feel almost cured of pain and would like to work to earn money to pay off bills but on the other hand I don't want to go through the interviews and disappointments. I also feel that i have fallen behind in my field in the intervening year.
There are more negatives to working than not but the biggest lure is the money. Between the chimney that I needed to repair, other repairs I have to make that I can't physically do and money for my grandson's schooling which I promised when I was working I'm feeling rather poor. But finally able to get by the pain or lack of pain as it seems.
I don't want to work retail except maybe Barnes & Noble - a bookstore. But I don't do registers. I'd rather do engineering but for the reasons cited above and more. I just don't know how to cut back because of the work needed on the house.

 

[JanisSPK]

Well, all things are impermanent. There’s a Zen saying that “this cup is already broken.” In practice, it has helped me be slightly less upset when I break the dishes.

Maybe a modern paraphrase could be along the lines of, “this earbud has already fallen in the toilet.” 🤣. FWIW I have entirely soured on the concept of wireless earbuds. I need the two of them tethered together, somehow- if not to keep me from losing them, then at least to keep me from losing exactly one of them.

I am coming into agreement and alignment with your altered concept of wireless earbuds and I'm going back to headphones and I have some old wireless ear thingies that won't plug into my iPhone now unfortunately but will plug into my Mac. I have the earbuds that I bought over a year ago and will revert to using them but probably won't take them out of the house or the car etc. I know I won't lose headphones and I see so many at the gym using them so they are still out there for sale. And I've never cared whether something was popular or not, but I do like comfort and earbuds have never been that in my ears the past year that I've used them .
Breaking dishes, great analogy.....I'm ok with that, it doesn't bother me either.. I've actually gone to using a wooden bowl for most of my meals anyway, lol

 

[LumberJack]

I love Jack Kornfield's writings along with Tich Naht Hanh amongst a few others, maybe you would enjoy that are buddhist in some or all content as well..... Pema Chodron was a favorite for quite awhile......

I’m a Pema Chödrön fanboy. I’m reading two of her titles currently, and I find out that when I am trying to talk my way through a problem, it is only a matter of time before I hear myself quoting her writings.

 

[JanisSPK]

On one hand I feel almost cured of pain and would like to work to earn money to pay off bills but on the other hand I don't want to go through the interviews and disappointments. I also feel that i have fallen behind in my field in the intervening year.
There are more negatives to working than not but the biggest lure is the money. Between the chimney that I needed to repair, other repairs I have to make that I can't physically do and money for my grandson's schooling which I promised when I was working I'm feeling rather poor. But finally able to get by the pain or lack of pain as it seems.
I don't want to work retail except maybe Barnes & Noble - a bookstore. But I don't do registers. I'd rather do engineering but for the reasons cited above and more. I just don't know how to cut back because of the work needed on the house.

I'm just so dang happy pain has been reduced in your life. And Lack of It. I'm going to just sit with that for a moment with you!

 

[JanisSPK]

I’m a Pema Chödrön fanboy. I’m reading two of her titles currently, and I find out that when I am trying to talk my way through a problem, it is only a matter of time before I hear myself quoting her writings.

yes, I'm listening to some old CD's I had from many many years ago of hers. I like hearing her talk and the content is lovely and timely, like most of her stuff.

 

[Windhover]

@

I just tried to include her in a @seabird added to a post further down here and her name doesn't come up. I am very concerned as well.....

Windhover says hi @JanisSPK - it's still me, just a slightly different bird. I felt my name needed to reflect my efforts to change.

 

[LumberJack]

Windhover says hi @JanisSPK - it's still me, just a slightly different bird. I felt my name needed to reflect my efforts to change.

NGL sometimes I read too quickly, and I thought it was "WindhOOver" until you mentioned it being the name of a bird. I don't know too much about birds unless they are local to me. Except that I adore Ravens and Crows... from a distance. plus they are ultra-goth, lol

Anyway I thought it meant something like Hoovering up the wind, and that's a neat visual for me. Also it is nearly impossible to visualize. I love a challenge, lol.

 

[LumberJack]

... I have some old wireless ear thingies that won't plug into my iPhone now unfortunately but will plug into my Mac. I have the earbuds that I bought over a year ago and will revert to using them but probably won't take them out of the house or the car etc. I know I won't lose headphones and I see so many at the gym using them so they are still out there for sale. And I've never cared whether something was popular or not, but I do like comfort and earbuds have never been that in my ears the past year that I've used them.

wireless... but plug into the Mac and not the phone? Is it possible the Mac has a regular jack and the phone expects a lightning connection?

IIRC there is a Lightning to 3.5mm (aka 1/8 inch, typical stereo plugs) adapter, so you plug the headphones into it and put the other end in whatever is expecting a Lightning connection. I feel you on the discomfort. I have not figured out how to keep my jaw from clenching and my teeth from grinding for any significant period of time. The motion of which works things out of the ear canal, because evolution uses the same mechanism to keep earwax moving outward. What this looks like for me is every minute or so I'm jamming the earbuds back into my ear cartilage to figure out how to keep them seated, which leads to major discomfort if I wear them for more than about an hr or so without taking them out. I loove audio equipment though - so lmk if you want to compare and contrast different models. I just hate shopping for my own because I get paralyzed by so many options.

 

[LumberJack]

how I feel... I'm oscillating, (just fyi I got the spelling of that word correct on the first try, so give me a degree or someth). If I think about certain things I feel dark, cold shadows reach out and clutch my heart. Then I sigh and inquire into what I need at that moment. It's usually a snack or hydration. I'm very simple (maybe dense).