How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[MisterBGone]

They are in their 20s and 30s. They only talk to me when they need something.

I'm very sorry to hear that. If this is the way it's always been--or even, often been. And that is, or being, "unconditional love" coming from you - on your end. Then they just don't know, or recognize it any other way. In other words, it is nothing special, until the moment of truth comes or they are somehow put to the test. It's like a casual settling in or getting too comfortable with how easy it is, or how great the quality of care, and in this case - in addition to, "Love." So that they... 'Don't know what they've got~ Till it's gone!' (or howev3er the song goes?)? ; )

 

[MisterBGone]

a
I'm glad you met him even though it could have been nerve wracking. I have 2 siblings, brother hasn't talked since my dad died, going on to 3 yrs soon. My sister is controlling, she doesn't care to hear when I'm happy only pricks up her ears if it's my mental health deteriorating. I should just stop any communication with her. She's assaulted me twice, I've never laid a hand on her. sorry went on about me, yes time makes a difference but the quality of a relationship is more meaningful, to me at least. hugs mike. I hope you feel better and hugs for your wife too.

I'm very sorry your brother & sister are not more caring and loving towards you. It is very hurtful, and demoralizing, when all of it is flowing from one direction, or one way, only. . . And I can't believe she assaulted you, not once -- but, Twice?!? Have you threatened to have her reported?? Man, I wouldn't blame you one bit. Not one iota if you cut off all contact with her, after some thing(s) - yes, as in "plural!" like that. . . Geeze? What is w/people!?! ;/ I'm just so sorry for you, that is all, you deserve far better than that~ /_ in my estimation, any^way!

 

[MisterBGone]

I'm not feeling really great... I'm on a vacation but the most important thing got left in my car, my phone with all my ticket bar codes. going thru the airport was a major hassle and I lost something expensive that would have gone with my phone that isn't with me. THis is all I can do while I have slow internet wifi access here. The breeze is warm. I'm staying in a shabby looking place but they had a pool, so I did that. Been up since 4 am and it's close to after 11 pm here. I enjoyed the feeling of the smaller plane and turbulence.

I feel like I wont sleep. My phone was my alarm too, not just tickets. Nothing to complain about, it's warm, I'm sweating with the ac on but I want the humidity too so i opened a window.

My younger son is a gem. He was the first to answer an email and worry that I don't have my phone. I know he cares even if he says some really crappy things to me. He needs help with depression and having a fiancee that broke up with him while she was pregnant. Sorry, I have nothing else to occupy myself, I have my laptop but that's it. I didn't think I'd come on here but I love feeling like I belong somewhere. I dont' know why I'm sweating so much lately not just here.
Hugs to all suffering, I mean that. You are all great people

Best wishes to your son, that's a rough-one. . .

 

[1964dodge]

Apprehensive

I have a meeting with my psychiatrist this morning, and I have acquiesced to her treatment plans involving medication, more than I think I need. I feel as though I'm emotionally numb, and my thoughts and reactions are blunted.
I anticipate resistance from her, though she has said that, as an autonomous adult, she can't force me to take medications if I don't want to. However, every time I bring up changes to her, she reminds me that it is common for people to feel better, then think they can do without medication.
There is a situation in my life that requires me to be emotionally and mentally alert, and I have to consider that I may be better off not making any changes. I hope that decreasing my medication may help me to feel more "normal", but there is also a chance that it may create a problem. I really don't need a mental or emotional withdrawal, then build my mental or emotional state back, in a short period of time

I'll post the results later

peace

i hope everything goes well at your appointment. sometimes meds will numb you out for a little while. if it doesn't get better over time you can ask her for a change. my doctor put me on zoloft years ago. it worked but it worked too much. i didn't care about anything, i was like a zombie. he listened to me and swtched me to mirtazepine. it worked great and i'm still on it today. so you have to work closely with the doctor to find the right med combination at the right dose

mike....

 

[chiastic_slide]

Exhausted. Was in the city and looked at washing machines. Been putting off for ages.

 

[MisterBGone]

Apprehensive

I have a meeting with my psychiatrist this morning, and I have acquiesced to her treatment plans involving medication, more than I think I need. I feel as though I'm emotionally numb, and my thoughts and reactions are blunted.
I anticipate resistance from her, though she has said that, as an autonomous adult, she can't force me to take medications if I don't want to. However, every time I bring up changes to her, she reminds me that it is common for people to feel better, then think they can do without medication.
There is a situation in my life that requires me to be emotionally and mentally alert, and I have to consider that I may be better off not making any changes. I hope that decreasing my medication may help me to feel more "normal", but there is also a chance that it may create a problem. I really don't need a mental or emotional withdrawal, then build my mental or emotional state back, in a short period of time

I'll post the results later

peace

Good luck, @1Lefty , it can be - it seems. . . at times~ a, "fine-line" when determining, or trying to determine or decide, just how much to adjust, or tweak a med, get rid of altogether, add/subtract etc. in order to, just as you say . . . 'feel normal.' I'm sure you know yourself best, and that anything thing you do try - in terms of a change--even if that is no change at all: can always be modified, later on, if you find out or discover, that it is not proving as beneficial as had hoped when making this decision in the here & the now, today. I'm reminded of the time, when discussing the possibility of coming of an antidepressant with my then psychiatrist. And he said (even though I had no intentions at the time -& so, this was more 'theoretical,' or for learning purposes). but he told me that, in order for most people in my position to not have a relapse, they needed to be symptom free for up to one-year, I think it was (it was a really long time ago 12 yrs. or more, maybe~*). And so, any way, that was one-opinion, at one point in time, by one p-doc :-> on one patient! Best to you. -mrb.

 

[Windhover]

mike you're really brave to open the Pandora's box; I mean of past relationship stuff and siblings. I hope you are able to find a new peaceful approach to what you've experienced with your brother.

hug @1964dodge

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

I'm very sorry to hear that. If this is the way it's always been--or even, often been. And that is, or being, "unconditional love" coming from you - on your end. Then they just don't know, or recognize it any other way. In other words, it is nothing special, until the moment of truth comes or they are somehow put to the test. It's like a casual settling in or getting too comfortable with how easy it is, or how great the quality of care, and in this case - in addition to, "Love." So that they... 'Don't know what they've got~ Till it's gone!' (or howev3er the song goes?)? ; )

They've always been my focus and I've probably overcompensated for being both mother AND father. But this behavior of theirs cuts deeply because it's new. I know I'm not handling it well and I don't know what I should do that I haven't already been doing.

 

[full]

Hopefull

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

It must be very hard to go through what you're going through. I can understand somewhat because I raised my 4 children, I still have 2 adult ones at home but have bouts of loneliness. At night afterwork and on weekends is the worst. It's hard when once I/we were so busy with child care and running them to activities and volunteering for this and that to such a quiet life. Please dry your eyes. My niece tells me, this is my time, so I'd like to tell you the same DowntheRabbithole. I know how hard it is though. I hope you feel better and please use my inbox anytime and stay safe. You very much matter to us at SF.

Thanks Lane I wish this was "empty nester's" syndrome but it's more than that. I was my granddaughters primary caregiver from 6 weeks on until she was about 2 and after that I was still involved but not full time. Now they've moved further away and I only have seen them on holidays.
My main problem is when I msg or call and get no response. Sometimes it's a week later before I hear back, sometimes it's not at all. I feel like I'm being punished.

 

[full]

Thanks Lane I wish this was "empty nester's" syndrome but it's more than that. I was my granddaughters primary caregiver from 6 weeks on until she was about 2 and after that I was still involved but not full time. Now they've moved further away and I only have seen them on holidays.
My main problem is when I msg or call and get no response. Sometimes it's a week later before I hear back, sometimes it's not at all. I feel like I'm being punished.

 

[foreverforgotten]

Oh-h-h. . . Hoping the best for you & yours, there @forever! *finger's crossed~>

Thank you

 

[Windhover]

They've always been my focus and I've probably overcompensated for being both mother AND father. But this behavior of theirs cuts deeply because it's new. I know I'm not handling it well and I don't know what I should do that I haven't already been doing.

hugs

 

[MisterBGone]

They've always been my focus and I've probably overcompensated for being both mother AND father. But this behavior of theirs cuts deeply because it's new. I know I'm not handling it well and I don't know what I should do that I haven't already been doing.

Have you communicated with them this feeling of yours to them, specifically? As some may need it spelled out perhaps? Just to see what they might say? And if by being made aware of (your sentiments, or such -- these feelings of worthlessness or of not being valued all that/or very much) they would be able to make then necessary adjustments?

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

Have you communicated with them this feeling of yours to them, specifically? As some may need it spelled out perhaps? Just to see what they might say? And if by being made aware of (your sentiments, or such -- these feelings of worthlessness or of not being valued all that/or very much) they would be able to make then necessary adjustments?

Yes, I've told them how them ignoring me feels and it really doesn't seem to make a difference to them. They repeat that they're busy (which I do understand) but I feel like it only takes 30 seconds or less to send a text saying hi or whatever. I guess I'll have to try to explain more to them how it feels when I feel cut off from their lives.

 

[MisterBGone]

Yes, I've told them how them ignoring me feels and it really doesn't seem to make a difference to them. They repeat that they're busy (which I do understand) but I feel like it only takes 30 seconds or less to send a text saying hi or whatever. I guess I'll have to try to explain more to them how it feels when I feel cut off from their lives.

Yes, actions do some-times, speak louder than words... I'm sorry you've been made to feel like you don't matter, or that you're somehow not relevant in their lives; it's almost as if, "collectively," or w/two out of the three, they've pushed you to the bottom of the totem pole. And that never feels good. I wonder if the one whose child you cared for, for a time - somehow now feels that they must prove that they are perfectly capable of raising them on their own now?

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

Yes, actions do some-times, speak louder than words... I'm sorry you've been made to feel like you don't matter, or that you're somehow not relevant in their lives; it's almost as if, "collectively," or w/two out of the three, they've pushed you to the bottom of the totem pole. And that never feels good. I wonder if the one whose child you cared for, for a time - somehow now feels that they must prove that they are perfectly capable of raising them on their own now?

She did say that she needed to stand on her own 2 feet. I just replied that she already was, I was just helping to steady the ground.
I'm hoping I can actually have a serious uninterrupted conversation with her soon about all of this. Until then I'm going to be hurting....

 

[MisterBGone]

She did say that she needed to stand on her own 2 feet. I just replied that she already was, I was just helping to steady the ground.
I'm hoping I can actually have a serious uninterrupted conversation with her soon about all of this. Until then I'm going to be hurting....

I hope so, too... Perhaps a real, honest heart-to-heart will let her see & know just what kind of an impact her behavior is having on you. And then she can know how much (it is) you are hurting...

 

[HappyKitty]

How do you process this info?

*trigger warning*

When I went back to grandma village and I visited her nephew house who is my aunts cousin and my other uncle to me which I'm also close with, I saw my grandmas last younger brother died after coma 2 wks. So technically, I saw two people died in front of me. And then just three months ago, my grandmas nephew passed away so I've been grieving abt that uncle and how two people in one house died, all died in short amount of time. Its no longer sad, just lost someone special to me and I felt quite adapted to ageing of death and sickness. Altho, my cousins and friends are worried I didnt show any emotions abt it. I also dont want to think abt it, I am trying so hard to drown out this experience and thoughts abt it.

 

[puffymilk]

Feeling like crying. How long do I have to keep living like this?