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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Change, especially unwanted or unwelcomed, is always undesirable @JMG ~ so I hope the transition won't be the worst for you (or nowhere near as badly as you're fearing now). / And on the second thing: I think that - that is a normal & very human reaction to how you are feeling. So be good to yourself for being honest about it, and admitting it, as opposed to maybe more denying your true feelings and such. Which may only cause more controversy for you - at least from within (or maybe conflict, would be a better way of stating it?).
Thank you @MisterBGone
Thank you for your kind, compassionate caring (as always, of course!) my sweet friend MrB 
Yes, you are right that change is usually a bit of an adjustment and can be unpleasant (when it is a sad, upsetting, or as you said “unwanted” kind) and it really means a lot to me that you are hoping the change won’t be as “bad” as I am fearing it will be. I just can’t really imagine right now how I could possibly ever “adjust” to my dear sweet sis living so much further away from me like that, but ya maybe it’s just cos I “never have” lived so far away from her.
Thank you for your kindness and caring about the other things I mentioned feeling too, and thinking it’s better that I am being honest with myself by admitting it about feeling the “envy” instead of denying it. It was actually my friend that I talked to yesterday that helped me realize I am feeling envious of the “security” my sis enjoys, like she will literally NEVER have the fear of “potential homelessness” hanging over her, like even if she suddenly didn’t work ever again, with such a huge asset like that she is literally “set for life”. She deserves that of course, and they’re both hard-working, but ya I guess I just wish that could somehow be my situation too. Anyway, definitely wishful thinking there lol. Only chance of that ever being the case would be winning the lotto as far as I can tell.
Ugh ok sorry this is such a long reply, I’ll end it here but yup you’re right that if I were to deny these envious feelings that it would only cause more inner conflict for me in the long run. Better to just face and deal with those feelings now, would never want them to poison my relationship with my sis that is for sure.
Yes, you are right that change is usually a bit of an adjustment and can be unpleasant (when it is a sad, upsetting, or as you said “unwanted” kind) and it really means a lot to me that you are hoping the change won’t be as “bad” as I am fearing it will be. I just can’t really imagine right now how I could possibly ever “adjust” to my dear sweet sis living so much further away from me like that, but ya maybe it’s just cos I “never have” lived so far away from her. Thank you for your kindness and caring about the other things I mentioned feeling too, and thinking it’s better that I am being honest with myself by admitting it about feeling the “envy” instead of denying it. It was actually my friend that I talked to yesterday that helped me realize I am feeling envious of the “security” my sis enjoys, like she will literally NEVER have the fear of “potential homelessness” hanging over her, like even if she suddenly didn’t work ever again, with such a huge asset like that she is literally “set for life”. She deserves that of course, and they’re both hard-working, but ya I guess I just wish that could somehow be my situation too. Anyway, definitely wishful thinking there lol. Only chance of that ever being the case would be winning the lotto as far as I can tell.
Ugh ok sorry this is such a long reply, I’ll end it here but yup you’re right that if I were to deny these envious feelings that it would only cause more inner conflict for me in the long run. Better to just face and deal with those feelings now, would never want them to poison my relationship with my sis that is for sure.
Thank you for your kind, compassionate caring (as always, of course!) my sweet friend MrB Yes, you are right that change is usually a bit of an adjustment and can be unpleasant (when it is a sad, upsetting, or as you said “unwanted” kind) and it really means a lot to me that you are hoping the change won’t be as “bad” as I am fearing it will be. I just can’t really imagine right now how I could possibly ever “adjust” to my dear sweet sis living so much further away from me like that, but ya maybe it’s just cos I “never have” lived so far away from her.
Thank you for your kindness and caring about the other things I mentioned feeling too, and thinking it’s better that I am being honest with myself by admitting it about feeling the “envy” instead of denying it. It was actually my friend that I talked to yesterday that helped me realize I am feeling envious of the “security” my sis enjoys, like she will literally NEVER have the fear of “potential homelessness” hanging over her, like even if she suddenly didn’t work ever again, with such a huge asset like that she is literally “set for life”. She deserves that of course, and they’re both hard-working, but ya I guess I just wish that could somehow be my situation too. Anyway, definitely wishful thinking there lol. Only chance of that ever being the case would be winning the lotto as far as I can tell.
Ugh ok sorry this is such a long reply, I’ll end it here but yup you’re right that if I were to deny these envious feelings that it would only cause more inner conflict for me in the long run. Better to just face and deal with those feelings now, would never want them to poison my relationship with my sis that is for sure.
Yes, you are right that change is usually a bit of an adjustment and can be unpleasant (when it is a sad, upsetting, or as you said “unwanted” kind) and it really means a lot to me that you are hoping the change won’t be as “bad” as I am fearing it will be. I just can’t really imagine right now how I could possibly ever “adjust” to my dear sweet sis living so much further away from me like that, but ya maybe it’s just cos I “never have” lived so far away from her.Thank you for your kindness and caring about the other things I mentioned feeling too, and thinking it’s better that I am being honest with myself by admitting it about feeling the “envy” instead of denying it. It was actually my friend that I talked to yesterday that helped me realize I am feeling envious of the “security” my sis enjoys, like she will literally NEVER have the fear of “potential homelessness” hanging over her, like even if she suddenly didn’t work ever again, with such a huge asset like that she is literally “set for life”. She deserves that of course, and they’re both hard-working, but ya I guess I just wish that could somehow be my situation too. Anyway, definitely wishful thinking there lol. Only chance of that ever being the case would be winning the lotto as far as I can tell.
Ugh ok sorry this is such a long reply, I’ll end it here but yup you’re right that if I were to deny these envious feelings that it would only cause more inner conflict for me in the long run. Better to just face and deal with those feelings now, would never want them to poison my relationship with my sis that is for sure.
An overweight man messaged me saying do you know how much a polar bear weighs? I said no. He said, about as much as I do these days. I said why is that funny? You're disrespecting yourself just to gain the acceptance of others who probably won't accept you anyway if their heart is shallow. Respect yourself and show kindness and love toward others and yourself.
And as thanks, he blocked me.
Oh well.
And as thanks, he blocked me.
Oh well.
Tysm @Lane and @MisterBGone I appreciate your kind, caring, helpful, thoughtful replies/suggestions, perspective and support! 
PS - Lane, ya the big change isn’t truly “mine” but it will end up being one for me anyway cos of the distance it will create. Just hoping it will all work out, somehow. I’m definitely trying to stay positive/have a good attitude about all of it of course. Thank you for hoping the negative feelings will soon be replaced with peace/comfort, that really means a lot to me right now.
PS - Lane, ya the big change isn’t truly “mine” but it will end up being one for me anyway cos of the distance it will create. Just hoping it will all work out, somehow. I’m definitely trying to stay positive/have a good attitude about all of it of course. Thank you for hoping the negative feelings will soon be replaced with peace/comfort, that really means a lot to me right now.
I'm just wondering, if you'd be able to carve out a rough picture, of what this reasonable expectation for a dating candidate might be? Or do you have an idea or what that might look like, in your own mind? You certainly don't have to disclose it here. And I'm hoping I'm not being too critical. You certainly have cited a laundry list of faulty candidates. But so far, I don't have much of a bearing on what would be considered acceptable--let alone: desirable, to you.
And that's just hopefully some constructive feedback for you on your end (only). So in other words - as long as you know - then that is all I was asking my-self, as we only get to hear about the failures (at least recently, & that I can recall). Ask yourself maybe how realistic it is. Would you fit into this criteria for somebody else?
Maybe this line or reasoning or questioning is all absurd to your or offensive. I hope it isn't, as you've always struck me as someone with decently "thick-skin." So if my read is faulty, or off--then just please do your best to disregard it... for believe it or not -- I really (only) do want to 'help,' you (by this).
On the blocking thing, perhaps it was the directness, or fowardness, with which you'd engaged him (sort of like how I am being/or doing with you now? Or, I dunno... I hope, certainly that it isn't so in my case: really impossible to say why he took offense or maybe he just realized he was only getting rejected, so why bother, and that is his M. O.)? Later, b*
And that's just hopefully some constructive feedback for you on your end (only). So in other words - as long as you know - then that is all I was asking my-self, as we only get to hear about the failures (at least recently, & that I can recall). Ask yourself maybe how realistic it is. Would you fit into this criteria for somebody else?
Maybe this line or reasoning or questioning is all absurd to your or offensive. I hope it isn't, as you've always struck me as someone with decently "thick-skin." So if my read is faulty, or off--then just please do your best to disregard it... for believe it or not -- I really (only) do want to 'help,' you (by this).
On the blocking thing, perhaps it was the directness, or fowardness, with which you'd engaged him (sort of like how I am being/or doing with you now? Or, I dunno... I hope, certainly that it isn't so in my case: really impossible to say why he took offense or maybe he just realized he was only getting rejected, so why bother, and that is his M. O.)? Later, b*
. . . Oh, & his 'Attempts,' at being "self-deprecating," may have been his way of breaking-the-ice, and in order to also gauge, your . . . sensitivities/feelings/thoughts & opinions on this? For instance: it may actually be a really big problem for him, and his own image of himself. And understanding of what could be ... a problem for some. So perhaps he was just trying to get that out of the way right upfront, and weed out those right away before getting too involved & deeper, thus/then wasting everybody's (or both of yours) time? Not that you'd still cared, but - just a gut instinct, or guess. So when you responded like that, in such a manner, it could have wounded him more than it did with you. Is all. But I agree, a risky proposition or way of starting things off - so to speak - so he had to expect some potential blow-back. And he got it, or at least learned & found something out by the way in which you behave, and operate (think, etc.). @Aurelia