I'm awake and alive. That's all I can say for now. After 3 good nights insomnia hit like crazy last night, but I still got a bit of sleep. Been feeling stressed, there's shit I should have been doing and haven't been doing for work and I have to play catch up (it's all stuff I see as pointless but I have to jump the hoops like a performing seal). At least I've got time.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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Calm, but guilty. I am on vacation and I feel like I’m supposed to be working. My employer encourages work-life balance and really walks the talk by actually having leadership promoting taking time off to their direct reports. And yet I am so used to gogogo that slowing down is disorienting. I’m getting much needed rest, but I’m not allowing myself to relax.
Feels like I'm in a (rather luxurious, admittedly) prison in this basement. And I'm occasionally allowed on outings to the store and to the doctor, but other than that I'm at home alone. Nothing I've tried as far as finding a relationship has even remotely worked out. I'm too afraid to try to speak to people in real life. I don't want to be rejected. I'm nervous to approach them. I have to accept it. This is my life right now. No matter how much I cry, it won't change anything. The only thing that will change it is if I get a car and a job, which I need something that's coming in the mail to start doing that (a certain document). Until then nothing will change. I can't help but want to die in some sense. But I won't do it myself or anything. All I can do is wait. I don't have a choice.
I'm sorry @Aurelia - & I can only hope, for a turn in your misfortunes, in the very near future & very short-order. And that you find favor, in all-things, that currently keep your nerve s from being "calm," for now... Have you considered doing some sort of in-person Church/or religious service? I've heard that people can sometimes meet their mates, that way? But I, of course, wouldn't know. . .
s
I agree with Mr B that you are definitely not a B. They are just not sympathetic. I hope you feel better. 
I am not feeling well and will never be, the isolation is killing me. Yesterday I went to buy some medication with the thought that it might work at least for a short time but it was so expensive that I could not buy it approximately $240.00 CDN. I am so ashamed of my self that I am a failure. Society deceived me and has created a monster. There is something wrong with me but society is so hypocritical that they do not have the guts to tell me in my face. The pain is unbearable is worst than being sick, that is the reason that I am extremely suicidal. I am extremely jealous of people who have money love and support and I have nothing. People see me for who I have not for who I am. and since I do not have a job and money nobody cares about me. I have not been heard and understood in 60 years, It is better to be dead than alive if you do not have any friends who wants to be friend of a bitter , angry, enraged 60 year old being in isolation is coming extremely dangerous as the only thing I do is self destruct myself, I ran out of options because I do not want to be alone I want people to come to me and accept me the way I am. I need to be loved and wanted, without that the only choice I have is to self destruct myself. I am extremely scared I no longer go to movie theatre across the street because I am scared to be on my own.
HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HHELPELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP H HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HHELP ELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HHELP ELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELPHELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP
HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HEHELPLP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP
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I can't do much to help right now except to say I'm so sorry to hear how you feel and accept you just as you are now. I've only been an enraged and lonely 50-something year old so I can't know what it's like to be in that position at 60. You have done well to reach 60 - that is an achievement itself in this messy fucked up world. We all care on here as we've been there. I'm sorry that's where you are now. I wish I had better advice right now or some way to ease the pain for you. I hope being heard can make you feel just a little less alone 
I guess you have to ask yourself the position that they are in, and the place then that they hold in your life. And what kind of a value, you attribute to them, and/or it. In other words, how much weight to they carry/or hold? Is their word, credible, does it have value, or hold merit? Etc. Just because someone is preaching their truth, to-You. (That) Does not make it true. True to them, maybe not necessarily to you. Or (to) anybody else, for that matter. . . Also ask yourself, what is their motivation for treating me this way? And (for) making such a statement, declaration or declaring it as said (stated) fact? Do they have an axe, to grind, for instance~* / Thing s like this, would help me, were I in your shoes, and dealing with an onslaught of verbal abuse, or assaults such as this. : )
@zuzu . . . Is there truly no form of government assistance, or financial support for your medications there where you live? I always thought that Canada had it pretty great, when it came, or comes to medical coverage for all? Maybe, I have been mistaken... If you are unwilling, unable, or unsure of being able to go about assessing this situation, or trying to find the help, through a necessary advocacy - someone who can step in for you & give you a hand, in getting some of these costs covered, so that you can get the treatments, that you so richly deserve. I'm hoping for you, I truly am! Until you can get some more in-person friends. You do have us, to lean in on. Should that provide you with much of anything at all? There is a coffee house (section). And even within that, yet another subcategory, I guess you call it - known as, "Jim's Cafe`.' While these might not sound overly tempting or desirable while in such a state. They can be of some help, to some people, some of the time. So if/&- or when, you are feeling "Up," to it... Perhaps you could then give it a go or shot/chance, and just see if you derive any benefit out of it at all, or whatsoever. I know for me, it helps to serve as a temporary distraction. And can even induce laughter, from time to time. And when incapable of that, due to too dark a depression, or whatever--then it can at least help you feel, like thinking-about, 'cracking a smile!" Even if you don't actually end / or wind up - doing so, or it~ *good luck!! ;D mrb.
I wish that you somehow could. I know it isn't easy, from the inside. And only is it so, from a position such as mine (the outside). So, I won't lecture you! 