How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Aurelia]

I’m just sad. It’s not so much a feeling as it is a state of being. I’m sad all the time because I’m always compelled to resist and do the opposite of what I desire. I desire help, so I suffer in silence. I desire connection, so I keep to myself. I desire a life worth living, so I obsess over my death. I desire something to do, so I do fuck all.

My body is a prison because I overthink everything humanly possible and put too much stock in doing the simplest, most mundane things. I wonder if there is any going back from this. More to the point, am I ever going to be willing?

I can relate. I want a job, so I quit every job I get. I want friends, so I never try meeting anyone. I want to go out, so I isolate at home. I have 0 motivation to actually do the things I desire to do. I don't know truthfully if anything can help. I wish I could tell you differently, but how can I when I'm also struggling and there seems to be little hope. I just know that I love you as a human being regardless of what you do or don't do.

 

[Aurelia]

How is it possible to live when one has no energy or motivation to do so? All I have the energy to do is isolate and listen to music. Maybe do some writing. What's next for me? Nothing is helping.

 

[Aurelia]

I told my therapist I have no motivation to go to my job interviews or to work and she says to me "well if they think you'll be able to handle the job then trust their decision". Yeah, except the problem is that what they see is fiction. I put on a smile a pretend to be someone I'm not. That's why I get the job. It's not because I can handle it necessarily. That's the worst advice I ever heard.

 

[snails]

I told my therapist I have no motivation to go to my job interviews or to work and she says to me "well if they think you'll be able to handle the job then trust their decision". Yeah, except the problem is that what they see is fiction. I put on a smile a pretend to be someone I'm not. That's why I get the job. It's not because I can handle it necessarily. That's the worst advice I ever heard.

That's how we do it, I think a lot of adult life is pretending isn't it? For most people. Employers can be a lot more accommodating these days so I wouldn't rule it out completely

 

[LumberJack]

It must be very hard to live with these thoughts. I know that we all have them at some point and I hope you can come out of this Lumber Jack. If I didn't take medicine I don't know how I'd feel. I was wondering if you considered that route?

I’m taking a number of meds. I’m in general less sensitive to most medications than most people, so I have to take the max dose of a few to get any relief. They don’t touch the thoughts, though. They do allow me to function well enough at work to distract myself.

 

[SillyOldBear]

i'm kind of nervous about finding a place to livre otherwise ok

mike....

You will succeed Mike. You may even find a better place then you have now. Think positive and keep up the search.

 

[Kiwi2016]

Felt terrible, earlier. But now, hopeful.

Sending positive thoughts...s

 

[Bergerac]

Sending positive thoughts...s

thank you Hope you're alright. x

 

[Kiwi2016]

I'm just very sad about my friend.

Hoping things are a bit better with them.

 

[Kiwi2016]

thank you Hope you're alright. x

All ok here...just same old same old really except for the temps 104 I think today...hope all ok with you

 

[1964dodge]

Can youtell me about the frog?

the frog is my daughter her avatar name is froggie

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

You will succeed Mike. You may even find a better place then you have now. Think positive and keep up the search.

thank you

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

How is it possible to live when one has no energy or motivation to do so? All I have the energy to do is isolate and listen to music. Maybe do some writing. What's next for me? Nothing is helping.

 

[snails]

I’m taking a number of meds. I’m in general less sensitive to most medications than most people, so I have to take the max dose of a few to get any relief. They don’t touch the thoughts, though. They do allow me to function well enough at work to distract myself.

Take care

 

[snails]

Crushingly low with just enough energy to make it feel unsafe. No plan or intent just compulsions. Devastated at how things have gotten, then devastated about the therapy and Dr appointment. Have to piece myself back together tomorrow which feels impossible and all hope of anyone else helping is gone.

 

[HappyKitty]

Finished my brother graduation today. Im kinda happy at this age, I got the confidence to dress up and attend special occassions without feeling intimidated.

 

[Aurelia]

We need better therapy and therapists. There are so many that can't do their jobs right.

 

[Livelife]

I can't live like this any longer. The aloneness is what's killing me.
So when these dogs go, I'm pretty sure I will too,

 

[AvidFan]

I can't live like this any longer. The aloneness is what's killing me.
So when these dogs go, I'm pretty sure I will too,

I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I am really feeling alone too. I just cried over some memories of my childhood, thinking back to when I felt safe and looked after, and could always turn to someone even if they weren't perfect. Now I can't really turn to anyone 😢

Hugs

 

[snails]

Finished my brother graduation today. Im kinda happy at this age, I got the confidence to dress up and attend special occassions without feeling intimidated.

Well done, thar sounds lovely