-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
So either that (they drift away) or my relations with people never go beyond. I wasn't a complete "loner" as it is said of people with no friends. Though I'm not and wasn't social either. Sometimes people wanted to talk with me, and I just rejected them often. I think of it to this day, I should behave different but that's another issue. But the people I stick with just come and go. So I ended up with no one.
Besides that I @AvidFan can relate to having financial and living issues. I come from a poor family that was in debt. Fortunately, the debt is or should be gone now. For the price of being basically in the middle of nowhere with nothing to go by. We didn't want to lose it, it was a constant fight, the place we lost was nice to live in because it was big for your typical apartment and we OWNED it. It was also a bit in a sorry state due to the financial issues and ended up being sold for "basically nothing" or what it's not really worth, for people who will do work on it and most likely sell it for even more or rent out to others. The debt was constantly increasing to the point that there was no choice but to go on the streets instead.
Could only be helped with by a rich person. With that amount it should be just a drop for them. Or I guess charity/funding of some sort, we never opted for any and I don't think it would work anyway. And if I know no one, no one will do that for literal who or whos. Because I'm nothing more than that. Just a (sadly) living being.
Dunno where I'll end up but I only wait for the swift deliverance of death while I just waste away.
Enervated from watching the days go by and obsevering no changes but still being alive. All I seem motivated to do is to just post shit on this site, hoping to get killed by something during that passage of the time. What I really need is to die.
Besides that I @AvidFan can relate to having financial and living issues. I come from a poor family that was in debt. Fortunately, the debt is or should be gone now. For the price of being basically in the middle of nowhere with nothing to go by. We didn't want to lose it, it was a constant fight, the place we lost was nice to live in because it was big for your typical apartment and we OWNED it. It was also a bit in a sorry state due to the financial issues and ended up being sold for "basically nothing" or what it's not really worth, for people who will do work on it and most likely sell it for even more or rent out to others. The debt was constantly increasing to the point that there was no choice but to go on the streets instead.
Could only be helped with by a rich person. With that amount it should be just a drop for them. Or I guess charity/funding of some sort, we never opted for any and I don't think it would work anyway. And if I know no one, no one will do that for literal who or whos. Because I'm nothing more than that. Just a (sadly) living being.
Dunno where I'll end up but I only wait for the swift deliverance of death while I just waste away.
Enervated from watching the days go by and obsevering no changes but still being alive. All I seem motivated to do is to just post shit on this site, hoping to get killed by something during that passage of the time. What I really need is to die.
So practically, at this point, one person has turned up when he said he would, sent me quote for both my jobs when he said he would, both jobs are in budget for me and wouldn't lead to further debt and would leave me some of my savings intact to pay my tax bill which is looming in January. There are some potential issues over craftsmanship but I'm so frustrated and desperate my options are:
a) Keep trying to get a specialist company to do the work. The problem being they either don't get back to me or don't turn up even after they've got back to me. If I do eventually get them to do it, it will cost so much I'll end up in so much debt I'll end up imploding and killing myself sooner or later from the financial pressure.
b) Get this other guy to do the patch up repairs. Take a chance that using cement on the walls won't do damage (I hear despite the advice, MANY houses are repointed with cement and not lime). As it's a subsection of wall that is really bad, the cement could just help stop it weathering further and plug the gap and it's not like I'm doing the whole wall. If it lasts 5 or 10 years I could be dead by then, it at least buys me 5 or 10 years, the way I've been feeling recently I didn't have 5 or 10 days left in me. And it might last longer than 10 years, who knows.
I'm so fed up with the whole thing I am sorely tempted to go for b) and just get it the fuck done. If he does a good job he can do the garden walls next spring, I can save up. At least I can say I tried - but at some point you've just got to shit or get off the pot, as they say.
a) Keep trying to get a specialist company to do the work. The problem being they either don't get back to me or don't turn up even after they've got back to me. If I do eventually get them to do it, it will cost so much I'll end up in so much debt I'll end up imploding and killing myself sooner or later from the financial pressure.
b) Get this other guy to do the patch up repairs. Take a chance that using cement on the walls won't do damage (I hear despite the advice, MANY houses are repointed with cement and not lime). As it's a subsection of wall that is really bad, the cement could just help stop it weathering further and plug the gap and it's not like I'm doing the whole wall. If it lasts 5 or 10 years I could be dead by then, it at least buys me 5 or 10 years, the way I've been feeling recently I didn't have 5 or 10 days left in me. And it might last longer than 10 years, who knows.
I'm so fed up with the whole thing I am sorely tempted to go for b) and just get it the fuck done. If he does a good job he can do the garden walls next spring, I can save up. At least I can say I tried - but at some point you've just got to shit or get off the pot, as they say.
Kind of relieved. I think I've decided what I'm going to do, but am not going to action it until I've had a chance to process another wasted Saturday and all kinds of dread. I'll "sleep on it" a couple of nights even if that means lying in bed awake until Monday, and then I will make the call, unless I have another change of mind.
For now I've bought potato chips, dips, pizza, cake and ice cream and am going to comfort eat watching the Olympics and get at least some of my weekend back.
For now I've bought potato chips, dips, pizza, cake and ice cream and am going to comfort eat watching the Olympics and get at least some of my weekend back.
At least I am down off the precipice. But it's not the end of the stress or problems or feeling like shit. The way my brain is wired at the moment I am just seeing threats everywhere. There are a lot of actual stressors, two at work this week have been unbelievable, you couldn't make it up. And then all this home stuff. Am just going to try to recharge. Then plod on, accepting my life is never going to be stress free or wonderful - but hopefully it can get better than this.
I went and lay on my bed and must have gone to sleep for about 30 seconds because I was awoken by the sound of my own snoring and no time had passed. Sleep will not even come informally ad hoc which it usually tries to. Never been woken up by my own snoring before. I suppose I should be grateful for a microsleep.
I hear you. Have you ever tried kind of guided meditation for sleep, there was an app, guiding you through relaxing each part of your body. When I'm in the frame of mind I use the techniques because I know it by heart.
I just hope you can get some decent sleep, no builders coming and no pills more than you want/need to take and then a pleasant restful sunday
I just hope you can get some decent sleep, no builders coming and no pills more than you want/need to take and then a pleasant restful sunday
I've tried all sorts. Ironically I used to end up falling asleep when I tried to meditate, but if I tried to meditate to go to sleep it wouldn't work! Also tried hypnosis tracks - there was one "all night" hypnosis one and I was awake for the first 4 hours until I got fed up with it. I normally just about cope with my regular insomnia but this lately is something else.
Yeah, I'll do my dose, then try to wind down and try not to feel too much pressure to sleep. Maybe tonight's the night!
Yeah, I'll do my dose, then try to wind down and try not to feel too much pressure to sleep. Maybe tonight's the night!
I have been woken by my own snoring once and I felt very chagrined to experience that my snoring even wakes me.
I can sense your frustration of not being able to sleep and I might have an idea because I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I can’t walk in a straight line today. I’m sure it’s orders of magnitude worse for you due to the duration. It feels really bad.
I can sense your frustration of not being able to sleep and I might have an idea because I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I can’t walk in a straight line today. I’m sure it’s orders of magnitude worse for you due to the duration. It feels really bad.