How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Livelife]

@mosaic hearts - thanks for sharing your experience with switching in an understandable way. I am sorry this happens. I wish I could come reassure you and clean up the scary papers for you.
you are incredibly strong. To carry your own burdens plus staying safe from the others (17 & 11?) Is nothing short of amazing!

you are accepted & safe here. Bitch, bitch & bitch some more. That’s why we are here.

I fail at complete memories -
idk who it was- they said something like - I’m the only person on sf that’s too sad to be here.
“i am the biggest downer on a suicide forum“
thats the kind of stuff my brain says to me. 🤣

you are perfect for us.
all of us are perfect for each other.

I wish I had the energy to answer everyone. Please know that the Like I leave means I see you. And I read what you say.
I want you to keep trying. We all want to support you. As always- we are better together.

 

[Livelife]

Right now, just being in today, in the moment. It's helpful on some days.

 

[AvidFan]

I have to acknowledge that I do feel much better than last Saturday. Last Saturday I just felt completely shell shocked, I was so anxious I had to go out and pace the streets, and felt dazed and exhausted and felt very little hope or optimism for the future. I thought I was totally burned out and done, the lack of sleep had reached a critical point and my energy was at zero.

Today, I've at least had some sleep and got up in a positive frame of mind. I've had some anxious moments, some worries, but have been able to busy myself and at times put the anxiety out of my mind. There's still a heck of a lot to worry about, but I feel a bit more capable just now. I'm going to do something I haven't done for a while, and lose myself in a movie. I wanted to watch something post apocalyptic to cheer myself up lol, and when I went on the Prime app, the first thing listed was a post apocalyptic movie, so I'll watch that without further ado 😊

 

[Astrid78]

Feeling pretty good. I lost my job due to her adult kids taking over. Found another one and start Sunday. Kids are doing great and my friendships just get better. I'm far from happy but am content most days and suicide is just a fleeting thought.

 

[snails]

I wish I could see a way forward. Actually I can see one, but it looks a distant shore, miles away, and I'd have to try to swim to it with my hands tied behind my back the way my health is right now. Frustrating. Like you are starving and you can see a feast in the distance, but to get to it you have to carefully cross a minefield while gradually weakening.

It's great you can see one however distant, I believe you can get there as long as you hold on to it snd keep swimming one stroke at a time.

 

[snails]

Feeling pretty good. I lost my job due to her adult kids taking over. Found another one and start Sunday. Kids are doing great and my friendships just get better. I'm far from happy but am content most days and suicide is just a fleeting thought.

That's really good to hear
Amazing finding another job and bouncing back from what could be a really difficult set back

 

[Astrid78]

That's really good to hear
Amazing finding another job and bouncing back from what could be a really difficult set back

Thanks! I clean houses so finding work isn't to bad.

 

[Tor]

Unwell. It feels like there’s something wrong with my body. Without having anxiety, my body trembles most of the day. I have shortness of breath and major fatigue. I have medical debt so it’s hard to face going to get help. I also have developed a strange rash that I can’t decipher.

I returned to work yesterday, and my manager was not happy with me for being gone for 4 days - despite allowing the time off. She essentially told me that I need to stop being so nice to my associates, and discipline them for not doing enough work. They have cut hours on a large scale, and refuse to hire people due to overstaffing. We are all overworked and I see that I don’t think I can do my job as a team lead anymore. I want to step down for my health, but I’m terrified my manager won’t let me.

I am always in a state of fight or flight, and my body cannot rest. My thoughts are racing, and I feel like I always need to be up doing something.

I cannot tell what’s wrong with me. I’m so stubborn about getting help, but I see how badly I need to go see a doctor. My body, mind and soul are screaming for me to stop living like this before things become worse.

Sorry, just rambling to maybe help the racing thoughts. I haven’t had these in a long time.

 

[AvidFan]

It's great you can see one however distant, I believe you can get there as long as you hold on to it snd keep swimming one stroke at a time.

Thank you. In the last hour it's become a little clearer and it feels like the bonds of anxiety have loosened just a little. Dare I do it? I haven't felt this positive in a while, but I've had windows before and it's been a false dawn, so I don't know. But just to have some kind of optimism or instinct to follow some positive path is a new feeling, given the last month or two of hell and suicidal thoughts. Hope you are ok @snails

 

[snails]

Thank you. In the last hour it's become a little clearer and it feels like the bonds of anxiety have loosened just a little. Dare I do it? I haven't felt this positive in a while, but I've had windows before and it's been a false dawn, so I don't know. But just to have some kind of optimism or instinct to follow some positive path is a new feeling, given the last month or two of hell and suicidal thoughts. Hope you are ok @snails

Absolutely do it if you're talking taking more steps towards recovery and imagining a better life for yourself. I understand that it hurts more to try and not succeed the first try than to not give it your all sometimes but I think it's worth it and I think this is a window that you have for a reason.

 

[AvidFan]

Absolutely do it if you're talking taking more steps towards recovery and imagining a better life for yourself. I understand that it hurts more to try and not succeed the first try than to not give it your all sometimes but I think it's worth it and I think this is a window that you have for a reason.

I just looked at the practicalities of my idea, and it's a lot more daunting, risky and stressful than I thought. Not impossible, but hard under current circumstances. Still, at least my mind is looking in more positive directions and I can look further into it. I probably need to sleep on it and then add the plan to my ledger and break it down into steps. There may be two very difficult paths ahead, one fills me with dread, the other with a bit of excitement. I can dream at least!

 

[AvidFan]

Unwell. It feels like there’s something wrong with my body. Without having anxiety, my body trembles most of the day. I have shortness of breath and major fatigue. I have medical debt so it’s hard to face going to get help. I also have developed a strange rash that I can’t decipher.

I returned to work yesterday, and my manager was not happy with me for being gone for 4 days - despite allowing the time off. She essentially told me that I need to stop being so nice to my associates, and discipline them for not doing enough work. They have cut hours on a large scale, and refuse to hire people due to overstaffing. We are all overworked and I see that I don’t think I can do my job as a team lead anymore. I want to step down for my health, but I’m terrified my manager won’t let me.

I am always in a state of fight or flight, and my body cannot rest. My thoughts are racing, and I feel like I always need to be up doing something.

I cannot tell what’s wrong with me. I’m so stubborn about getting help, but I see how badly I need to go see a doctor. My body, mind and soul are screaming for me to stop living like this before things become worse.

Sorry, just rambling to maybe help the racing thoughts. I haven’t had these in a long time.

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a lot of it could be stress and anxiety, I've had the trembles with anxiety and it's awful and also started developing some skin issues for a bit. I hope it's nothing serious and hope you can find a way to resolve the work situation. I know that feeling only too well, as in need to step down from a role, but being unable to (in my case because my finances won't let me - have started trying to work on the second job again!). I hope what you have is nothing serious and you can get to see a doctor somehow.

Hug if it helps

 

[snails]

I just looked at the practicalities of my idea, and it's a lot more daunting, risky and stressful than I thought. Not impossible, but hard under current circumstances. Still, at least my mind is looking in more positive directions and I can look further into it. I probably need to sleep on it and then add the plan to my ledger and break it down into steps. There may be two very difficult paths ahead, one fills me with dread, the other with a bit of excitement. I can dream at least!

I love the excitement and the crossroads. So many times I've looked back and thought oo that was a risky move but it paid off. When you have positivity on your side and a desire to make it work, yes life will still have its twists and turns and maybe tragedy but it's amazing what you can get through and where you can end up. Maybe start with taking ctb off the table

 

[AvidFan]

I love the excitement and the crossroads. So many times I've looked back and thought oo that was a risky move but it paid off. When you have positivity on your side and a desire to make it work, yes life will still have its twists and turns and maybe tragedy but it's amazing what you can get through and where you can end up. Maybe start with taking ctb off the table

Indeed. Reminds me of the Nietzsche quote, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how". For a while I haven't had a why, but maybe I am in the process of finding it.

 

[Tor]

Sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a lot of it could be stress and anxiety, I've had the trembles with anxiety and it's awful and also started developing some skin issues for a bit. I hope it's nothing serious and hope you can find a way to resolve the work situation. I know that feeling only too well, as in need to step down from a role, but being unable to (in my case because my finances won't let me - have started trying to work on the second job again!). I hope what you have is nothing serious and you can get to see a doctor somehow.

Hug if it helps

Thank you I appreciate you

 

[snails]

Unwell. It feels like there’s something wrong with my body. Without having anxiety, my body trembles most of the day. I have shortness of breath and major fatigue. I have medical debt so it’s hard to face going to get help. I also have developed a strange rash that I can’t decipher.

I returned to work yesterday, and my manager was not happy with me for being gone for 4 days - despite allowing the time off. She essentially told me that I need to stop being so nice to my associates, and discipline them for not doing enough work. They have cut hours on a large scale, and refuse to hire people due to overstaffing. We are all overworked and I see that I don’t think I can do my job as a team lead anymore. I want to step down for my health, but I’m terrified my manager won’t let me.

I am always in a state of fight or flight, and my body cannot rest. My thoughts are racing, and I feel like I always need to be up doing something.

I cannot tell what’s wrong with me. I’m so stubborn about getting help, but I see how badly I need to go see a doctor. My body, mind and soul are screaming for me to stop living like this before things become worse.

Sorry, just rambling to maybe help the racing thoughts. I haven’t had these in a long time.

Oh wow I have basically exactly the same symptoms. It's definitely mh for me but I don't know what's wrong. It's much worse and very different to what I've had before.
I'm so sorry medical debt is a thing for you and that it's difficult to get help. I don't have any answers but hoping I'm moving towards them

 

[TragicReality]

@Tor , it's only because I have diabetes that I'm wondering if you could get a blood test, measure your glucose, idk if you meant it's really just from anxiety but low blood sugar, even if you're not diabetic it can go a bit low, makes a person tremble. Also a t4 test for thyroid as that's another one that i got and a symptom of hyperthyroid. Sorry if it's no use, just a suggestion.

 

[Tor]

Oh wow I have basically exactly the same symptoms. It's definitely mh for me but I don't know what's wrong. It's much worse and very different to what I've had before.
I'm so sorry medical debt is a thing for you and that it's difficult to get help. I don't have any answers but hoping I'm moving towards them

Thank you so much. I appreciate you.

 

[Tor]

Oh wow I have basically exactly the same symptoms. It's definitely mh for me but I don't know what's wrong. It's much worse and very different to what I've had before.
I'm so sorry medical debt is a thing for you and that it's difficult to get help. I don't have any answers but hoping I'm moving towards them

Thank you so much. I appreciate you

@Tor , it's only because I have diabetes that I'm wondering if you could get a blood test, measure your glucose, idk if you meant it's really just from anxiety but low blood sugar, even if you're not diabetic it can go a bit low, makes a person tremble. Also a t4 test for thyroid as that's another one that i got and a symptom of hyperthyroid. Sorry if it's no use, just a suggestion.

that is something I had not considered. I will give that a try. Thank you! I appreciate you

 

[Aurelia]

As a self-proclaimed agnostic/atheist, I remember I used to offend Christians when actually trying to do so. Now, as a believer and servant of Christ, I offend non-believers left and right without trying, but merely stating my beliefs.

Christ said it best, "Remember if the world hates you, it hated me first."