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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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☆☆☆Trigger Warning-Mentioning Child Sex*al Ab*se☆☆☆
I don't feel physically well because I just had a very bad body memory of a sex*al ass*ult I went through when I around 8 years old. I'm in pain, I feel shaky & drained, & I have a headache. I also feel ashamed, disgusted, & dirty. Just blah overall. It'll take a number of hours for my body to metabolize what I experienced. I'm making myself a cup of Earl Gray tea & resting. When I feel better, I have to go out to pick up some groceries & toiletries. Here are a few good resources about body memories & complex trauma:
https://psychcentral.com/health/how-your-body-remembers-trauma
Moved. My sister messaged twice to ask how I was and sounded worried, saying I hadn't been on WhatsApp since Thursday. I didn't even realise, nobody messages me much anymore. I said I was OK. This is how it played out with my brother-in-law - he went quiet on messaging and social media and eventually someone twigged not all was well, and found him dead. Makes me really not want to put anyone through that again any time soon so I'll try to soldier on.
The freaking RLS has already started up and haven't even gone to bed yet 🤦
The freaking RLS has already started up and haven't even gone to bed yet 🤦
I feel like I want to cry, or even need to cry. There's a lot going on, some depression, but also concern, anxiety, frustration, loneliness
I can't cry, I blame medication. The dynamics of life, the highs and lows, are being chemically suppressed
I compare it to watching a movie in full color, but when it is processed though my brain/emotions, it's all gray and blurred
I'm not great at life without medication though, and it seems like my life is not that great with it, either
I sometimes think about going completely off my meds and either rising then or falling, or both
peace
I can't cry, I blame medication. The dynamics of life, the highs and lows, are being chemically suppressed
I compare it to watching a movie in full color, but when it is processed though my brain/emotions, it's all gray and blurred
I'm not great at life without medication though, and it seems like my life is not that great with it, either
I sometimes think about going completely off my meds and either rising then or falling, or both
peace
Really sad. I just found out recently that a well known blues musician in the Houston area died in an MVA mid August that happened on Telephone Road and I posted his song of the same name in A Song a Day thread this morning. I used to go out to his live performances, a girlfriend of mine dated him years ago. What a loss to the community and to his family. RIP Mark.
Alone. Completely alone. Reached out to a couple of people before my run, said a bit about what was going on for me. Got back and my phone is notification free. Not even the fucking builder who's harassing me got back to me, he only seems to get in touch like a bad penny when it's the last thing I need. My work feed is empty as well so can't even bury myself in that.
I'm starting to lie to my friend on Vancouver Island. Whenever she texts me & asks me how I am, I tell her I'm fine. I just don't want her to know that things aren't fine anymore. I'm also communicating with her less. She has her daughter to think about anyway. (Her daughter had knee replacement surgery one week ago.) My friend doesn't need to be worrying about me as that would be a burden on her. So, I'm keeping things to myself. I also don't want her to think I'm selfish which I'm 100% not.