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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I'm struggling again tonight. I'm trying to keep hopeful that my friend is going to come around and want to see me again, I sent them an email to see if we can meet tomorrow, but I don't think they will contact me or turn up (don't get me wrong, that's there choice if they don't want to see me).
I'm feeling so shit, it's fucking torture. I'm feeling so alone and just finding that I should just take my out and get it over and done with. The only think keeping me around at the moment is listening to this amazing hypnotic drum and bass track by LTJ Bukem Atlantis and doing my art pictures. I ended up getting lost in the track last night and staying up till 1am, playing it on repeat for 5 hours. I felt crap this morning trying to get up for work, felt like id been partying all night.
Everything is feeling so strange, the doctor was talking about autism or personally disorder, while my regular councillor is saying, they think I show evidence of early maladaptive schema from the 'traumas' in my life.
While my ex friend thinks I have narcissistic personality disorder (I really don't think I have an over sense of self importance, I don't know who I'm meant to be important to, I don't have any one in my life to have an over sense of importance for) and my sister thinks, that I am constantly thinking I'm in the wrong and question myself all the time. While my mum thinks I should just grow up (I'm 49) and just pull myself together.
What do I think - fuck knows....A this moment I just want a dance with my friend and listen to this drum and bass track on repeat.
I'm feeling so shit, it's fucking torture. I'm feeling so alone and just finding that I should just take my out and get it over and done with. The only think keeping me around at the moment is listening to this amazing hypnotic drum and bass track by LTJ Bukem Atlantis and doing my art pictures. I ended up getting lost in the track last night and staying up till 1am, playing it on repeat for 5 hours. I felt crap this morning trying to get up for work, felt like id been partying all night.
Everything is feeling so strange, the doctor was talking about autism or personally disorder, while my regular councillor is saying, they think I show evidence of early maladaptive schema from the 'traumas' in my life.
While my ex friend thinks I have narcissistic personality disorder (I really don't think I have an over sense of self importance, I don't know who I'm meant to be important to, I don't have any one in my life to have an over sense of importance for) and my sister thinks, that I am constantly thinking I'm in the wrong and question myself all the time. While my mum thinks I should just grow up (I'm 49) and just pull myself together.
What do I think - fuck knows....A this moment I just want a dance with my friend and listen to this drum and bass track on repeat.
Sorry your feeling like that @LumberJack. What would be the issue with lashing out?, is there any way to let it out safely?
Update: I did something productive. I spoke with a representative of the regulatory agency about my concerns. He responded with a compassionate and reasonable explanation.
I then wrote a statement of disagreement with the company’s response. Under legal regulations, this must be included in their records on me. It’s essentially a symbolic gesture. I don’t anticipate any entity pulling my records in the future.
Nonetheless, I feel a little closure about exercising my rights under the law. I vented a little in writing my statement. I included a few barbs by using words that drip with contempt. If nothing else, they will be unable to assume that I am okay with the way I was treated.
Furthermore, at least someone there will need to acknowledge the concerns that I have raised. If they tell me to go pound sand (as happened with my attempt at resolving this via the company’s complaint process), then they have violated a serious law that carries a decent penalty.
I then wrote a statement of disagreement with the company’s response. Under legal regulations, this must be included in their records on me. It’s essentially a symbolic gesture. I don’t anticipate any entity pulling my records in the future.
Nonetheless, I feel a little closure about exercising my rights under the law. I vented a little in writing my statement. I included a few barbs by using words that drip with contempt. If nothing else, they will be unable to assume that I am okay with the way I was treated.
Furthermore, at least someone there will need to acknowledge the concerns that I have raised. If they tell me to go pound sand (as happened with my attempt at resolving this via the company’s complaint process), then they have violated a serious law that carries a decent penalty.
The issue with lashing out is that it only creates more animosity and more suffering for all involved. If I’m not careful, I could end up snapping at someone who is an innocent bystander. I have done this before, and it’s a feeling I hope I never have to sit with again. It’s always regretted later.
Letting it out safely is the work I have done today. The feeling is likely to come back, but at least I have achieved a temporary relief.
Letting it out safely is the work I have done today. The feeling is likely to come back, but at least I have achieved a temporary relief.
That alone i would tend to think to be a pretty good deterrent for you... from what i understand about you, it is something you never wanted or want. i know it isn't a fool proof way... however, it could be a good crutch to use till you have the ability to keep from doing so on it's own. Just as crutches are a good thing with an injured lower limb. Temporary till healed or nearly healed and you can walk on without them (it).
Maybe a possibility to make it easier for you is to allow yourself to grieve over that loss. Grieving doesn't always have to be about people and pets. You can grieve over experiences or lack there of, opportunities missed, all sorts of things. Doesn't have to be tangible either. i do hope you find what helps you best and in a good positive way.
It is. I only want to feel good; everything else is a means to that end. I agree with the Dalai Lama that we can be selfish if we are wise selfish.
I know from experience that I feel awful when I accidentally hurt someone. To do it on purpose would feel unbearable. I want to be at peace, at least with the people around me. I can mostly achieve this by doing healthy things and offering compassion/empathy when possible. This feels good in the moment, and also helps someone else feel good, which makes me feel even better.
I know from experience that I feel awful when I accidentally hurt someone. To do it on purpose would feel unbearable. I want to be at peace, at least with the people around me. I can mostly achieve this by doing healthy things and offering compassion/empathy when possible. This feels good in the moment, and also helps someone else feel good, which makes me feel even better.
🌊 thank you AmberMarie. Lately, I've been allowing some of it to come up to the surface. Prior to that, it was way too frightening. I posted about this change in my thread. Anyway, a huge part of it is me and my son having permanent residency for Australia. I aimed myself at a new life, sold my house, and invested time and a considerable amount of money in/set up a household there and it is all gone.
However, my son is doing fine; something for which I'm hugely grateful.
However, my son is doing fine; something for which I'm hugely grateful.
OK. Going to eat breakfast then try to muster the energy to do half an hour of house chores - I've done exactly half an hour this year so far. The place is like a bombsite. I thought I saw a leak in the corner of the living room but it was cobwebs 😱 I'm not giving myself a hard time, I spent the first month of 2025 virtually dead and then had bigger things to deal with the next month. Maybe I can start catching up on the basics, sometimes it's all I can do to stay functional for work and other things have to slide....
My down wave is back, feeling really awful and just want the pain to stop. When I feel like this, it feels so intense and hopeless. I feel so alone and just feel so anxious that I'm in this position. Think I might need to ring the crisis line soon as I'm feeling pretty reckless at the moment. Think I'll go for a walk first and then see how I'm feeling when I get back.
