How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[maybeicanheal]

I guess I'm healing, because I've had an objectively really hard day and I feel...okay. Not great, but not a danger to myself.
My prior best friend blocked me after I reached out to attempt to apologize- at first I spiraled, but then I was able to remind myself that she would stick around if she was the friend I thought she was. I also needed my job's help to figure out a tax issue and they have not gotten back to me- which should be causing me to spiral, but instead I'm able to say that I did all I could and now I just have to wait. Maybe this is what progress feels like.

On a less happy note- the person I cheated on my spouse with sent me an email, apologizing and saying that she feels that she "manipulated and took advantage of me when she knew I was not okay". I do not know what to make of this, and that is weighing heavy on me. It doesn't matter whether she did or not, in my mind- I should have resisted, I should have gotten help, I should have never made such a poor decision that cost me everything. But I was vulnerable...and still am.

 

[Shinzon1]

Why?

New diagnosis or I guess confirmation of a old one that I ignored and denied to death

 

[Angie]

Why do I feel guilty when I’m the one who got f***ed over? It’s a lot of stress to move, and I am probably mixing in my regret that I didn’t leave sooner. New place is about $300 more monthly, but in a place of my own as opposed to a tiny bedroom in a townhouse that’s 5 degrees warmer than the hallway.

Glad to hear that you've a place of your own!

 

[LumberJack]

I guess I'm healing, because I've had an objectively really hard day and I feel...okay. Not great, but not a danger to myself.
My prior best friend blocked me after I reached out to attempt to apologize- at first I spiraled, but then I was able to remind myself that she would stick around if she was the friend I thought she was. I also needed my job's help to figure out a tax issue and they have not gotten back to me- which should be causing me to spiral, but instead I'm able to say that I did all I could and now I just have to wait. Maybe this is what progress feels like.

On a less happy note- the person I cheated on my spouse with sent me an email, apologizing and saying that she feels that she "manipulated and took advantage of me when she knew I was not okay". I do not know what to make of this, and that is weighing heavy on me. It doesn't matter whether she did or not, in my mind- I should have resisted, I should have gotten help, I should have never made such a poor decision that cost me everything. But I was vulnerable...and still am.

Sorry to hear about your prior best friend. I have reached out to send a vulnerable text recently, and my offer was declined, but in a healthy adult way, so that we could remain platonic friends. I was on pins and needles waiting for his reply though. If he had taken it the wrong way and didn't want to ever talk to me again then it would have cut pretty deep into my spirit. It must be very painful for you right now. If you want I could throw some CBT talking points your way, but I also think you need to take care of your broken heart right now, and not to feel overburdened with rationally deciding how to move forward.

 

[ClassicsFan]

Tired

 

[LumberJack]

Right now I’m feeling all the feelings. Peace, contentment, fear, hatred, serenity, rage, anxiety, hip pain, back pain, I could go on but I’m no longer entertaining myself. Still having thoughts about pulling the plug on my life. It’s too much upheaval and uncertainty right now and it would all be over if I disappear into that long night. I am crazy, and I also know I am crazy, which is more crazy-making. Or maybe I’m not crazy, but I just think I am, but if I’m thinking something untrue, then I am crazy after all!

I’m fully aware that sounds like an old comedy sketch, but that’s the template of what I am thinking right now. The topic could change, but the back and forth feedback loop is constant. Maybe this is why the normies watch TV so much.

 

[LumberJack]

Heh. I did get a few moments of relief while I was writing the prior post.

 

[Gard]

My prior best friend blocked

I would think that he was never a best friend. Best friends don't do that, in my opinion.

New diagnosis or I guess confirmation of a old one that I ignored and denied to death

I'm sorry. That really sounds awful. I hope you can handle it.

Heh. I did get a few moments of relief while I was writing the prior post.

I guess that's why we're all here. Or at least many of us are.

 

[JanisSPK]

Peaceful, at ease.

 

[Lane]

Feeling ok because I have something to do this weekend. Going to a big park/farm and tomorrow, to the movies with my niece.

 

[JanisSPK]

Feeling ok because I have something to do this weekend. Going to a big park/farm and tomorrow, to the movies with my niece.

Have fun!

 

[Lane]

Have fun!

Thanks Janis, I hope you have a good weekend too.

 

[JanisSPK]

Thanks Janis, I hope you have a good weekend too.

Thank you, it is full and will be good

 

[puffymilk]

Great!

 

[SillyOldBear]

Concerned about all the potential violence and destruction due to Kings Day Protests. And that I have to get out and drive during while they are going on. Hopefully my trip will not take me anywhere near them.

 

[Windhover]

Under the surface, chaos, shallow-wise I'm masked as a person with a small smile with nothing to talk about.

 

[TragicReality]

I want to go somewhere nice today with my car, it's not a really warm day but that's ok. I wont ever drive to a city again, so I'm going to look up places that are just down regular roads from here.... now I'm realizing I know most places. I'll pull up maps, there's got to be somewhere unique with places I can window shop or parks. oh.... just remembered my sister in law has a flower shop, i could pop by to say hello. I'd like to find a book store.

 

[maybeicanheal]

My meds kicked in for the first time about an hour ago and...woah. Is this what other people feel all the time? My brain is so quiet it's frightening to me. I try to be mean to myself and I can't, I try to ruminate and nothing sticks...I feel like I'm floating on a cloud, and that cloud is my mostly empty brain.

 

[Lonely dude30]

Happy I got paid today

 

[TragicReality]

by the time i left my sis in laws shop was closed. I ended up going to a bigger walmart. I don't like the choice of clothes anymore, I've felt like that for years. It sounds petty but they really have some gawdy looking clothes or stuff that wont fit me.

I realize now my right s.i. joint hurts again from driving. Next time I'm wearing heels so my foot doesn't have to stretch so far to the pedal. And another pillow under me. I still feel really good getting my ''car legs'' back. As I age I find it's true, if you don't use it you lose it.

I'm a careful driver but still it was a bit like learning again. No speeding. I never want a ticket again. It's not that I really sped, it's the accumulation of any tickets that's going to make my insurance go up. I'm hoping they don't look me up when it comes time to renew the insurance policy, but it seems i'm flagged because last year i had forgotten all about my 15 km over the speed limit. She said ''my dad's upset about it, now insurance goes up a lot for every minor ticket''

I'm still very happy to have the convenience of my car right there for anything I need. Oh, and I hadn't seen my older son since Christmas, so I stopped by his place and thankfully he was home, he's looking well. Gave him some gas money and I loved the hug we had.