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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Wrecked. No sleep and got through 2 meetings, one was an impromptu one only called yesterday. I have actioned most of the meeting stuff and am now doing nothing until the next meeting tomorrow - last of the week, finish at 1pm and then I'm done. What I really need is a solid night's sleep of 5 hours instead of 10 minutes. 8 hours would be a bonus, 12 hours perfect. But all I ask is a lame 5 hours. Maybe tonight.
I woke up in a bit of a crabby mood. Checked the mail, and thank God that the insurance company didn't look my driving record up. It's all because I didn't get my mail notifying me of a medical needed. It took ages and more doctor appointments to get it approved. So I'm thankful that this year my rate is only up 10 bucks. Got my mattress from walmart early today instead of tomorrow, so I was glad I was up and dressed and didn't go out.
I'm trying to get my younger son to see going into the hospital when he's this depressed and threating suicide, that it's going to help him. I know he'd be approved for disability, he had some help through his years until he was 18. So, I hope he listens, I told him going voluntarily is the best way, if he's asking for the help, he'll get it. I've thought of taking over his mental health care, I need good proof he needs to be hospitalized. The system is broken. I had proof I emailed to the police to take him to the hospital but they didn't. Not even a text that says he's going to end his life is enough for them to make him go? It's broken, very broken, and I swear they do everything to keep someone from getting a bed in the hospital for mental health.
I'm trying to get my younger son to see going into the hospital when he's this depressed and threating suicide, that it's going to help him. I know he'd be approved for disability, he had some help through his years until he was 18. So, I hope he listens, I told him going voluntarily is the best way, if he's asking for the help, he'll get it. I've thought of taking over his mental health care, I need good proof he needs to be hospitalized. The system is broken. I had proof I emailed to the police to take him to the hospital but they didn't. Not even a text that says he's going to end his life is enough for them to make him go? It's broken, very broken, and I swear they do everything to keep someone from getting a bed in the hospital for mental health.
I finished reading it prior to pressing delete, with an analytical eye. He said some riciculous bo-hoo stuff, and some not really very clever falsehoods. I won't be getting any of my possessions back. Crap, but, oh well. My initial emotional reaction is gone now. I can see how a part of my mind was addicted to the drama. High time to recover from that, hopefully I can do so. I was less sad when I woke up and pleased because as far as I can tell, the dreams have stopped. If anyone else is dealing with recovery from an abusive manipulator partner ex-partner I'd appreciate insights.
Instead of how I am feeling right now, I would like to tell you all how I saw someone else was feeling. When going into the dollar store, I saw a man laying on a blanket, a shopping cart with clothes was nearby, and a woman who was probably his wife was in a wheelchair. The Lord immediately put it on my heart to help them somehow, so I bought them some pop tarts, and gave them $5. Now, I, myself, am pretty broke. I only have probably $10 left. But I knew in my heart that those people needed that 5 more than I did. I'm blessed enough to to have family help me financially. I doubt anyone helps this couple on a regular basis. But you know what, because of the very fact that they've made it on their own through such difficult times, I knew that what I saw on both of their faces was strength and wisdom because the Lord is, indeed, with this blessed couple wherever their "home" might be. In fact, I would venture to say that their true home is with the Lord, and secondly perhaps, with one another. Dear God, please bless this man and woman and help them overcome tribulation.
This is really insightful Inanimate. Just, wow. Reading it, it's exactly how it feels. I'm not required to be his victim anymore. Gah, that sounds melodramatic but I'm starting to feel a new kind of gratefulness for myself having the strength to have left him. It's taken months to get my mind somewhat together.
Relieved. I went to bed at 10pm yesterday feeling bone deep exhaustion. Been feeling it for days as had no sleep for weeks. Severe, almost total insomnia (just the odd micro sleep here and there). I was still awake at 12.30am with heart rate in 80s (normally low 60s in bed) and thought here we go again, but then I took a couple of Nytol and whether it was them or just sleep debt catching up, I finally got some sleep and my watch agrees - after days of my body battery completely tanking, and being as low as it can go all day and night (5/100), it actually charged halfway. Some of these measures are gimmicks, but this measure was really accurate when I withdrew from amitryptiline - tanked for 3 weeks and went to normal as soon as I reinstated. This time it started tanking when I restarted this med. I cut to 10mg last night, which was the last dose I was stable on, so will stick with that for now. Just need to find some equilibrium and rest for a couple of days now.