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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

Bought cigarettes yesterday. For abslolutely no discernible reason. Feels like murder. The lungs can’t take it. The heart can’t take it. The stomach can’t take it. Can’t think a single thought. So I light a new cigarette as soon as the body recovered a bit from the last one. Losing my mind.

Maybe I can go out and throw the cigarette pack in the garbage. If I can focus long enough to find my keys, shirt, shoes.
 

Windhover

meandering home
SF Supporter
I'm shaken from a sudden insight which I don't know why I didn't see months or years ago. It's given me a better way to understand what's happened to me.
Also I am physically sore from strength training yesterday. Probably shouldn't have done the little run after, but it was really short, so I thought it'd of helped with lactic acid.
Lonely. I might go to a new running group on Saturday.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
I'm shaken from a sudden insight which I don't know why I didn't see months or years ago. It's given me a better way to understand what's happened to me.
Also I am physically sore from strength training yesterday. Probably shouldn't have done the little run after, but it was really short, so I thought it'd of helped with lactic acid.
Lonely. I might go to a new running group on Saturday.
Sorry you are feeling lonely ❤️
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
I'm shaken from a sudden insight which I don't know why I didn't see months or years ago. It's given me a better way to understand what's happened to me.
Also I am physically sore from strength training yesterday. Probably shouldn't have done the little run after, but it was really short, so I thought it'd of helped with lactic acid.
Lonely. I might go to a new running group on Saturday.
I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely, but a new running group could definitely help. At least you all would have a common interest/passion. I’m using yoga poses for strength training lately. I’m not using weights anymore because then I end up neglecting balance and flexibility. I don’t know if a light run would help get lactic acid moving away from muscles, but cool downs at the end are important. I learned that the hard way, lol!
 

LumberJack

Huggy Bear 🐻 u r warned!
SF Supporter
Right now, I am feeling relatively okay. I feel comfortable in my own skin, which is a new and pleasant feeling. I woke up spinning on my huge resentment, but at some point I decided to ask myself if it’s helping to do it.

I’m not saying I know how to stop doing it, but it seems to mitigate the pain to take a pause when I notice when I am doing it, and extend compassion to myself instead of amping up my justification for being chronically angry. :)
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
So I'm still in the hospital. My brother came to visit me and bring me a few things. And he asked me why I keep taking my Ativan when I'm anxious. I said because I'm in a hospital and I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen to me or what they're going to do; I don't know if I might need surgery or not, etc. And he said being scared is a normal human emotion. And that upset me. Yes, it's a normal human emotion. But why suffer when you don't have to? And I'm not saying Ativan is some magic pill that takes it all away, but it helps. So again, why suffer when something can help? I feel like that's a very insensitive response.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
Feeling a bit sick of my interactions with workmen. I'm not good with conflict and having money worries around it. I've had 5 or 6 workman in the house all week. Just need a break from it all.
I struggle with both those too though I can't imagine 5 or 6 of the buggers. I hope you can find time to take a mental break and they start behaving.
 

Windhover

meandering home
SF Supporter
@LumberJack I'd imagine you're plenty strong from yoga. i've never been flexible enough to manage it for more than short trial periods. A couple of years ago I added some balance work to core days, using lighter weights and various one legged exercises.
Thank you; I'm okay with being alone most of the time as I can feel calmer and get a lot of stuff done. I hope you continue to feel better.
*hug
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
I worry about my niece. She's very shaken up about my sister's death. I just cant cry, I don't know if it's because I said goodbye mentally years ago or it's the meds. I have been rehashing fond memories in my head though. I want to thank you guys for your support.

The drive to NY was OK. My son offered to drive and he was civil, thank the lord. I feel like I gave my sister a proper goodbye despite the circumstances.
 

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