Your last sentence is very important to remember, IMHO. This is, I think, the whole reason this site has a subforum titled “My Story.” I find myself posting there regularly, because I also sort of “process,” or come to terms with, something that I struggle with by writing about it.
I am terribly sorry that others have told you that your own experiences are wrong. Nobody has the perspective to fully understand your own perceptions except for you! I read this when I was a kid, but it has stayed with me because I refer to it often - “You are the world’s foremost expert on your own experiences. In fact, we are all infallible with respect to our subjective perceptions.”
So if someone is telling you that you are wrong about something you have experienced, they are not seeing clearly. They may not be doing so on purpose, but the logical fallacy of “mind-reading” is a textbook example of distorted (irrational or contradictory) thinking.
At the same time, we only rarely would be able to effectively change someone’s behavior by pointing out the flaws in their logic. This is an example of the reverse case; we’re also having distorted cognitions if we tacitly expect others to live up to our expectations.
In short, were I to sum up this heavily argument in more colloquial language, I would borrow from the artist Taylor Swift, as in, “haters gonna hate, hate, hate, but I’m just gonna shake shake shake… shake it off, shake it off!”
By way of disclosure- I’m still learning how to do this, but that’s also okay because I’m allowed to be imperfect. I find it paradoxical that I have to remind myself of that in my occasional failures to recognize that others are also allowed to underperform against my expectations.
PS - I’m not a huge “Swiftie,” but I do recognize good ideas.
I am terribly sorry that others have told you that your own experiences are wrong. Nobody has the perspective to fully understand your own perceptions except for you! I read this when I was a kid, but it has stayed with me because I refer to it often - “You are the world’s foremost expert on your own experiences. In fact, we are all infallible with respect to our subjective perceptions.”
So if someone is telling you that you are wrong about something you have experienced, they are not seeing clearly. They may not be doing so on purpose, but the logical fallacy of “mind-reading” is a textbook example of distorted (irrational or contradictory) thinking.
At the same time, we only rarely would be able to effectively change someone’s behavior by pointing out the flaws in their logic. This is an example of the reverse case; we’re also having distorted cognitions if we tacitly expect others to live up to our expectations.
In short, were I to sum up this heavily argument in more colloquial language, I would borrow from the artist Taylor Swift, as in, “haters gonna hate, hate, hate, but I’m just gonna shake shake shake… shake it off, shake it off!”
By way of disclosure- I’m still learning how to do this, but that’s also okay because I’m allowed to be imperfect. I find it paradoxical that I have to remind myself of that in my occasional failures to recognize that others are also allowed to underperform against my expectations.
PS - I’m not a huge “Swiftie,” but I do recognize good ideas.
