Doctor sounds like an idiot. I find doctors often don't understand mental health at all. I have much more minor versions of this with friends - people I sort of drifted away from or even broke up with dramatically over the years (at least 3 of those). Hard knowing your timelines split and they are still out there. Mine pales compared to 25 years though, that really is grief and what you are going through is complicated and painful and traumatic.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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I’m demoralized. It’s all so tiresome and yet pointless. I don’t want to give up. I don’t believe that there’s nothing that I can do. Despite knowing this, somehow I still feel that way.
I have gotten less diligent with the things I need to do to take care of myself. I think it’s driving most of my despair. I have also been as jumpy as a startled rabbit lately and just talking to strangers in public is awkward af.
I’m trying to clean up my act. I’m also experimenting with being less harsh on myself. I want to be less harsh on others as well. I’m aware from experience that I end up treating others around me similarly to the way I feel about myself. That’s why it starts with me.
I have gotten less diligent with the things I need to do to take care of myself. I think it’s driving most of my despair. I have also been as jumpy as a startled rabbit lately and just talking to strangers in public is awkward af.
I’m trying to clean up my act. I’m also experimenting with being less harsh on myself. I want to be less harsh on others as well. I’m aware from experience that I end up treating others around me similarly to the way I feel about myself. That’s why it starts with me.
How am i feeling right now???
i am feeling thankful to everyone in SF. Thankful for the caring and support i have seen for everyone here... from everyone here. The amazing amount of "Hugs" given and returned... i appreciate all who have opened up their minds, their hearts, and their emotions. i appreciate all who have just sat and read without posting anything. i appreciate everyone's views on everything. When others share their views and opinions, it opens up new doors... new learning opportunities.
Thank You!
i am feeling thankful to everyone in SF. Thankful for the caring and support i have seen for everyone here... from everyone here. The amazing amount of "Hugs" given and returned... i appreciate all who have opened up their minds, their hearts, and their emotions. i appreciate all who have just sat and read without posting anything. i appreciate everyone's views on everything. When others share their views and opinions, it opens up new doors... new learning opportunities.
Thank You!
Dysphoric. My mood completely crushed because while I were in Poundland someone said "fanny" as they walked past me.
I srsly cannot stand being read as a hyper-s3xual female when my entire sense of identity is tied into being an aroace male.
What have i done to deserve this? i dress as identity affirming as poss. "pRoJeCtInG tHeIr OwN bIaSEs" is irrelevant because it happens way too frequently.
I srsly cannot stand being read as a hyper-s3xual female when my entire sense of identity is tied into being an aroace male.
What have i done to deserve this? i dress as identity affirming as poss. "pRoJeCtInG tHeIr OwN bIaSEs" is irrelevant because it happens way too frequently.
Stressed. It's Monday. Need I say more. Not had a very good day, have had to stay upright while feeling dead and having more loaded on me. Accountant switch if proving to be cock up. Save few £100.... lose about £1000 in lost work trying to manage an inefficient and confusing transfer process.... Finish meeting at 7pm then fall onto the bus...
I need to go to bed and sleep. Or at least rest. I couldn't sleep last night and had an early start today. At 2am I took 2 Kalms one a night (it says take 2 if really bad)... I did get to sleep but have felt off all day, much more off than I have in a while. I took another one about lunchtime to see if it would help, but I don't think it did. I now think it's maybe really screwed up my brain chemistry, if it wasn't screwed up already - but anything that's supposed to help relax seems to have this awful rebound or make things worse. My only choice now is to go to bed. I'm not doing my work properly because my brain is not working properly, and the thought of being unable to work is terrifying. I don't have a safety net. I need a month off but can't afford to even have a day. But I can't afford not to have the time off. I'm stuck needing 2 contradictory things. Best I can do is go to bed and hope I get some kind of rest or sleep and pray I wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow or I'm in a bit of trouble.
Not entirely sure. Stayed in bed for 10 hours, but was awake at 2.47am and 5.30am. Managed to doze a bit on and off. Managed to avoid any supplementation with valerian. Body is calm - Watching saying I'm at rest, heart rate under 70, blood pressure textbook perfect. Just my head feels in a vice at the moment. Sort of dizzy and dazed. I think 2 things are going on - the underlying benzo healing/stress sensitization of my brain and nervous system, but also looking back these bigger waves have been triggered when I've attempted to fix something with "gentle" "natural" herbs, which clearly do something that's like pouring gasoline on a fire to put it out.... I'm hoping that's all it is, as that means I have some control.
Supposed to be going out to a music event tomorrow night, but not sure if I'll be up to it. Cost quite a lot for the ticket, but it was bought nearly a year ago. Had no idea I would feel like this at this time of year, almost a year later.
Just trying to take it easy as possible today. Work emails are piling up but I only have 2 meetings arranged and none tomorrow, so plan is to try to get through today and try to put distance between myself and the crappy valerian.
Supposed to be going out to a music event tomorrow night, but not sure if I'll be up to it. Cost quite a lot for the ticket, but it was bought nearly a year ago. Had no idea I would feel like this at this time of year, almost a year later.
Just trying to take it easy as possible today. Work emails are piling up but I only have 2 meetings arranged and none tomorrow, so plan is to try to get through today and try to put distance between myself and the crappy valerian.
