I feel like I'm coming back online after a long shutdown. Had lovely cat encounters tonight, had a new one start following me, but it didn't even want the treat I offered, just wanted to play. Tried to get me to go under a parked car with it. Lovely fluffy orangey thing. Been spoiled with cats today. I hope I now get spoiled with some sleep.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Sorry for your nightmare. You suffer much worse than me. Because my medical insurance is still safe, so I count my blessings. It's outrageous you cannot get adequate health coverage at your age.
Other than my urology problem, my health is mostly under control, because of my strict Buddhist diet. No pizza, No ice cream, No pastry. But lots of vegetables.
I heard many on this forum mention that whenever they feel depressed, they turn to food to glut themselves. In my case, when I feel dismal, I turn to a cup of tea. Sipping mindfully on the tea enables me to control my emotions and dissipate them. In my Buddhism, sipping the tea in a meditative way is part of the spirituality. But maybe that practice is foreign to you, even alien to you, so you might feel hesitant at it. It's up to you what you want to do. All I'm saying is what works for me.
Other than my urology problem, my health is mostly under control, because of my strict Buddhist diet. No pizza, No ice cream, No pastry. But lots of vegetables.
I heard many on this forum mention that whenever they feel depressed, they turn to food to glut themselves. In my case, when I feel dismal, I turn to a cup of tea. Sipping mindfully on the tea enables me to control my emotions and dissipate them. In my Buddhism, sipping the tea in a meditative way is part of the spirituality. But maybe that practice is foreign to you, even alien to you, so you might feel hesitant at it. It's up to you what you want to do. All I'm saying is what works for me.
Thank you Winslow. Most of my health problems are because of horrible eating habits. For years my three main food groups were pizza, Pepsi and salt. It has done much damage. Never did like tea. But am enjoying filtered water these days. And fixed some salmon today, so diet is improving. But can these late changes reverse the harm....I doubt it.
Awake, but what's new. After I felt better yesterday I thought my sleep architecture might come back online, but nope. Another 2 hour night, if that. The CBT-i people say to stop sleeping to build up sleep debt as people try to sleep prematurely or something, but my sleep account is so overdrawn my bed is about to be repossessed and nothing. It's like my body has lost the ability to switch off. So I get up. Another day of getting through one hour at a time. Hopefully the brief sleep I did get (dreamt about going to a pizza shop instead of delivery, then it rained unexpectedly, and I questioned my life choices) will be enough to crawl through the day.
Just found out the doctor's office didn't send a new prescription for my refill, for the second time in a row. It's a compounded med that the pharmacy only does on Wednesday so the delay means a week before it can be filled. It's not a problem, because I have enough left over to coast - I get a 30 day supply every 28 days, so I keep the leftovers for things like this. This being said - if I get a 30 day supply every 35 days, repeatedly, I will run out of that buffer. It's my own fault for not paying attention to the refill date; I only noticed yesterday that the next fill was coming up for today. Nonetheless I'm less than happy that I have to babysit this every single step of the way. I have to call the pharmacy to request a refill, they send it to my doctor's office. I call pharmacy again - they haven't heard back yet. I had called the doctor's office yesterday to ensure this didn't happen again but I guess I need to plan ahead better to be able to babysit this every single fucking step of the way through.
I'm going to have to ration my meds because of administrative mess-ups. I wish the people handling this stuff realized the stress they were causing.
I'm going to have to ration my meds because of administrative mess-ups. I wish the people handling this stuff realized the stress they were causing.
And now I find out that I had to do a med check before they can renew my prescription. Which they were just sitting on instead of taking a single step to tell me until I called after the pharmacy said they had not received a response from the doctor office.
I ended up missing my therapist appointment because I spent an extra hour texting back and forth, then calling, and trying to schedule the med check.
Also my wifi coverage is down because whoever is making decisions there seems like he couldn’t find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight.
They were doing construction elsewhere for over 3 weeks and messing things up for subscribers further down the chain, aka my building. In recognition of their failure to head off this issue in the first place, and then letting us deal with intermittent outages, they go and break everything as if we hadn’t suffered enough!
I’m unbelievably tired of being told through words and actions that I don’t matter for shit after they got my money. They send me a nasty-gram if I am 12 minutes late paying my bill, but the service that I am paying for is down for over a week and it’s not their problem.
I ended up missing my therapist appointment because I spent an extra hour texting back and forth, then calling, and trying to schedule the med check.
Also my wifi coverage is down because whoever is making decisions there seems like he couldn’t find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight.
They were doing construction elsewhere for over 3 weeks and messing things up for subscribers further down the chain, aka my building. In recognition of their failure to head off this issue in the first place, and then letting us deal with intermittent outages, they go and break everything as if we hadn’t suffered enough!
I’m unbelievably tired of being told through words and actions that I don’t matter for shit after they got my money. They send me a nasty-gram if I am 12 minutes late paying my bill, but the service that I am paying for is down for over a week and it’s not their problem.
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Much improved. I'd slipped into a very low, dark place. But thanks to <3 someone chatting with me about life, logic, some controversy of intuitionism vs formalism - of math and art. And then other discussing more personal stuff, I started to feel a lot better. Eventually I shoved myself into my runners and got outside for a little run and for now I'm okay again. I know it won't last but I also know that I have some control and tools.
Mixed feelings right now. Have finished work and about to go to gig. Yes might actually make this one. Had a absolute farce with the ticket app so that caused quite a bit of stress. Been about 2 years since I've been to a gig so am excited but also a little anxious. Last time I had a fully functioning nervous system. Hopefully I will enjoy the show!
Tired but victorious. Managed to stand at a gig for 3 hours without keeling over. The day didn't defeat me. Got pissed off when security confiscated the half pack of biscuits in my coat pocket. Could have had a grenade in my jeans pocket but it seemed the biscuits were the priority. Made me throw them in the bin. Fuckers. Gig was cool though. Going to go and see if the cats are still up.
Despite my setbacks, I still remain tolerant and stoical. And also determined because I have to keep persevering in order to reach my goal. Also grateful for my resources. If I use them--and I definitely do--then from the resourcefulness comes survival and success.
Despite the repeated disappointments, my Buddhist discipline enables me to stay appreciative and contented. Joy and Pain can both coexist together, and in a peaceful relationship. That's what I have, and I'm thankful.
Despite the repeated disappointments, my Buddhist discipline enables me to stay appreciative and contented. Joy and Pain can both coexist together, and in a peaceful relationship. That's what I have, and I'm thankful.