How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Windhover]

I'm alright at the moment, grateful for the effedts of the run even though I got thoroughly drenched in the rain.

 

[LumberJack]

for some reason my anger just flared up. I'm so sick of this. It feels terrible. I need to do the work on it. I have some CBT strategies to review. I can't decide if it's better to rip the proverbial band-aid and do a marathon session of exercise after exercise, or take it more like a small piece at a time. Will have to experiment to see. I feel so angry about being dismissed and treated poorly. It's in the past, and unfortunately I am also stuck there. I can't figure out why, when I'm not the one who f-ed up, I am the one who has to suffer indefinitely after the fact.

I pulled another all-nighter last night which is probably why I'm spinning on this. When I am tired my defenses are down.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm prioritising rest for the next few days. Weather and other things permitting.

 

[Lane]

Have today & Monday off work and happy about that. Thinking a lot about what my future entails and getting nervous about that.

 

[JanisSPK]

I'm having difficulty deciding whether to stay here for most of the rest of the year or go back to be ALONE while getting my house fixed from a water leak/small mold issue that I discovered was in place when I left the end of October that will take 5 or 6 days to repair by repiping the whole house. It would create me being alone for the holidays by doing the RESPONSIBLE thing or just "trust the Universe" that all will be well and schedule beyond obscene out of pocket repair cost job for 6-7 weeks from now when we can travel back to Houston together. I've been cogitating on this for many days and just had a friend go in the house yesterday to check the bathrooms and bedroom for any smell, water and visible mold. He said all appears ok. Water is off to the house btw.
I can't seem to get over the anxiety and feel like I'm potentially putting my home (future needed money situation) at serious potential risk.

I get very agitated in these situations being 'what feels like" being an adult and doing the "grown up" thing.

Any suggestions or input would be gratefully welcome.Thank you.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm having difficulty deciding whether to stay here for most of the rest of the year or go back to be ALONE while getting my house fixed from a water leak/small mold issue that I discovered was in place when I left the end of October that will take 5 or 6 days to repair by repiping the whole house. It would create me being alone for the holidays by doing the RESPONSIBLE thing or just "trust the Universe" that all will be well and schedule beyond obscene out of pocket repair cost job for 6-7 weeks from now when we can travel back to Houston together. I've been cogitating on this for many days and just had a friend go in the house yesterday to check the bathrooms and bedroom for any smell, water and visible mold. He said all appears ok. Water is off to the house btw.
I can't seem to get over the anxiety and feel like I'm potentially putting my home (future needed money situation) at serious potential risk.

I get very agitated in these situations being 'what feels like" being an adult and doing the "grown up" thing.

Any suggestions or input would be gratefully welcome.Thank you.

I am not sure, I really struggle with these things. Like what if my window lintel costs £2k to replace, what do I then do if the roof goes at the same time while I'm trying to nurse my nervous system back to health....

Mind you, I had a leak in 2015 (well it was more the toilet overflowing) which flooded the kitchen and living room and led to 18 months of disruption while the whole thing was put back together (kitchen gutted and redone, whole downstairs redecorated) in the middle of which another leak was found which took 20 visits to diagnose and eventually fix (replaced everything apart from the plughole in the bath, the seal of which was the culprit.). I got through it somehow.

All I would say is try to separate yourself from your anxiety, your anxiety will be painting the worst possible scenario to try to protect you, but it's often like a smoke alarm going off every time you make toast.... Maybe write down all the ways it could go well to challenge your anxiety. The most likely thing is you will get through this and come out the other side.

 

[JanisSPK]

I am not sure, I really struggle with these things. Like what if my window lintel costs £2k to replace, what do I then do if the roof goes at the same time while I'm trying to nurse my nervous system back to health....

Mind you, I had a leak in 2015 (well it was more the toilet overflowing) which flooded the kitchen and living room and led to 18 months of disruption while the whole thing was put back together (kitchen gutted and redone, whole downstairs redecorated) in the middle of which another leak was found which took 20 visits to diagnose and eventually fix (replaced everything apart from the plughole in the bath, the seal of which was the culprit.). I got through it somehow.

All I would say is try to separate yourself from your anxiety, your anxiety will be painting the worst possible scenario to try to protect you, but it's often like a smoke alarm going off every time you make toast.... Maybe write down all the ways it could go well to challenge your anxiety. The most likely thing is you will get through this and come out the other side.

Thank you so much Avidfan. Your thoughts are very appreciated. I’m sorry you went through your year and a half out of your home. It’s beyond unsettling in so many ways. My last home about 25 years ago flooded from a deteriorated old style metal hose connecting the toilet to the wall. When I woke in the morning to get up for work I stepped into 3 feet of water in my entire home. That’s when I found out how many gallons per minute come through a toilet water pipe. I also then learned about flex hoses, lol.
I was only out in an apt for 3 months but every level of the experience was a challenge and much a nightmare.
if I have PTSD about anything it would be this past experience. It’s an additional emotional layer to this current scenario.
my plumber told me to turn off the water at the house and I could go away for however long I wanted. It’s the 1970’s old copper and old pvc parts that may not hold it as far as the Repiping companies (2 estimates) insisted. And mold is in the wall already in the bathroom area.
I let emotions get the best of me and said screw being alone this holiday season. So I jumped in the car and prayed and left.
So I’m not being smart about this and can’t do anything from 1000 miles away. The price tag put me into shock. That was part of the running away from it.
Now it’s 2 weeks later and reason has returned and anxiety with it.
I WILL make Positivity Affirming list as you suggested🙏🏽thanks again🙌

 

[LumberJack]

I'm having difficulty deciding whether to stay here for most of the rest of the year or go back to be ALONE while getting my house fixed from a water leak/small mold issue that I discovered was in place when I left the end of October that will take 5 or 6 days to repair by repiping the whole house. It would create me being alone for the holidays by doing the RESPONSIBLE thing or just "trust the Universe" that all will be well and schedule beyond obscene out of pocket repair cost job for 6-7 weeks from now when we can travel back to Houston together. I've been cogitating on this for many days and just had a friend go in the house yesterday to check the bathrooms and bedroom for any smell, water and visible mold. He said all appears ok. Water is off to the house btw.
I can't seem to get over the anxiety and feel like I'm potentially putting my home (future needed money situation) at serious potential risk.

I get very agitated in these situations being 'what feels like" being an adult and doing the "grown up" thing.

Any suggestions or input would be gratefully welcome.Thank you.

It sounds like you are currently away from that house if I'm reading this correctly. Do you need to be onsite while the repairs are underway? Having all the pipes replaced is holy-crap do I need a HELOC money. I remember hearing about copper thieves going into vacant or under construction houses to get all the pipes out, which did six figure level damage. That was also a lot of wall damage, too, but I can't imagine that the plumbing alone wouldn't be a MAJOR part, especially considering the cost of the materials on top of labor.

I know mold can be really problematic for some people. It's not good for anyone's lungs, but some people are allergic and could go into anaphylaxis. The other concern having to do with spending the holidays alone is a significant one, too.

I have spent entire holiday seasons alone, as in thanksgiving, Christmas, and NYE all in a row. It is pretty awful. I even accepted some invitations to do thanksgiving with friends but I felt out of place with it being mostly people I had never met and they were having an intimate family thing while I felt like a third wheel. I don't even like holidays and I hate that. On the bright side, I did have the hot tub in the apartment complex all to myself. This was before I knew that going into a hot tub drunk was a Bad Idea. I was very, very drunk at the time, but that's what I did to cover up the loneliness. I can't imagine why the doctor said I should quit after looking at my insides... just kidding.

I cannot give you advice for lack of knowing all the variables, but what I would do in a similar situation is to look for a third (or fourth, and so on) option. I'd suggest having your family out to spend Thanksgiving there with you, but I also imagine that it would be prohibitively expensive to get airfare this close. Failing that, I would use a cost-benefit analysis CBT tool to sort out what matters the most.

 

[LumberJack]

I feel paralyzed. I can't seem to do anything for myself - I just freak out and go blank for an hour when I try. It's exhausting and I'm just spinning my wheels.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I feel paralyzed. I can't seem to do anything for myself - I just freak out and go blank for an hour when I try. It's exhausting and I'm just spinning my wheels.

This happens to me more than I care to admit. It is difficult to manage especially alone. I try to write things down to do, sometimes it helps.
Have to tried to find your CBT strategies? Did any info help? You’ll get through this.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I went to appointments with my brother today. About 2 hours each way. It’s the one Year mark for a treatment called CAR-T. The testing is no joke. @Angie when you talk about the exhaustion from tests, I know what that means.
He’s been doing better. I have missed the drives with him a lot. It was nice to hang out and talk a bit. it was a beautiful sunny day for a drive. There was a lovely view of the Chicago skyline as we drove the southern bend of Lake Michigan. ☀️ 🌆 ☀️

 

[AvidFan]

Relieved. I checked my roof and everything seems intact after the storm yesterday/last night. I might now be able to properly relax for the rest of the day. Got in 6000 steps so will need to do a night walk later. Managed to find one of my cat friends and gave it a treat on the way and on the way back, she miaows when she sees me now 😻

 

[LumberJack]

Have to tried to find your CBT strategies? Did any info help? You’ll get through this.

The writing exercises are examples of the things that I can’t seem to handle right now. It seems to be that I have something to deal with first, but I can’t figure out what.

 

[LumberJack]

F**k. This anxiety will probably not kill me, but at the moment I wish it would.

 

[AvidFan]

Better than I have in a long time. Something to be said for time off. Maybe the benzo storm is finally abating, the other med stabilising, and for a change feel calm, restful, vaguely optimistic, helps to not feel constantly dazed and dizzy and like I'm about to keel over.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Like a body just awaiting the end.

 

[LumberJack]

Better than I have in a long time. Something to be said for time off. Maybe the benzo storm is finally abating, the other med stabilising, and for a change feel calm, restful, vaguely optimistic, helps to not feel constantly dazed and dizzy and like I'm about to keel over.

That is so great to hear. I know that moods go up and down for everyone, but I do hope this stays stable for a while. No pressure, tho!

 

[AvidFan]

That is so great to hear. I know that moods go up and down for everyone, but I do hope this stays stable for a while. No pressure, tho!

Thank you @LumberJack

 

[puffymilk]

Proud

 

[LumberJack]

Doing mostly okay so far this morning. My brain is swirling on about a dozen topics and it feels like a heavily shaken snow globe in there. Going to meditation soon for 2 hours. With any luck, I might settle a bit there. I can't strive for this, though, as that would only be an obstacle and probably induce the opposite effect.