Anxious, doing all kinds of things to reduce it and believing it is and will continue to work. Delving into why I feel the need to keep certain things in place like control and independence. So Making some changes that I realize no longer have any value or need and are pushing my companion away (my behavior at times) So I'm spending time alone while walking through these kinds of things, It past time to let these particular things go for good.
-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Astonished. I just bought a gig ticket on ticketmaster, it's a band I have seen loads of times and this might be their last tour. Got one of the last tickets, sat right at the back, up in the gods, probably need a telescope. The £69 cost of the ticket wasn't the astonishing part, that was reserved for when I looked for my ticket to make sure it had gone through and it said:
BOX OFFICE COLLECTION.
In 2026? What the absolute f..... So you have to rock up to a venue with 2500 people and... queue to mumble your name and get handed a ticket? Again, in 2026? Almost rage-cancelled the purchase, ticketmaster said fine, but would retain service etc charges (about £10). Sod that, I'll rock up on the day and cause mayhem, I just hope I'm not having one of my stress days because this is exactly the sort of thing that could tip me into "fuck that, I'm not going queuing up to get physical ticket when.... technology exists...." Sigh.
BOX OFFICE COLLECTION.
In 2026? What the absolute f..... So you have to rock up to a venue with 2500 people and... queue to mumble your name and get handed a ticket? Again, in 2026? Almost rage-cancelled the purchase, ticketmaster said fine, but would retain service etc charges (about £10). Sod that, I'll rock up on the day and cause mayhem, I just hope I'm not having one of my stress days because this is exactly the sort of thing that could tip me into "fuck that, I'm not going queuing up to get physical ticket when.... technology exists...." Sigh.
Sorry that youre feeling all those things @N.B 060136. How old are your children?, if you feel comfortable answering. Mine are in their 20's and no longer really need me, it's very bittersweet as well as a new point in my life.
I hope that you feel a moment of peace.
I hope that you feel a moment of peace.
I’m feeling contradictory things. For the good stuff, I slept well last night for the first time in what I estimate has been 6 weeks or so.
On the painful aspect, though, the intrusive thoughts are telling me that I’m entirely fucked and nobody who could help would waste their time on me, so why don’t I just kms already. It’s getting to be such a constant distraction that I’m wearing down.
On the painful aspect, though, the intrusive thoughts are telling me that I’m entirely fucked and nobody who could help would waste their time on me, so why don’t I just kms already. It’s getting to be such a constant distraction that I’m wearing down.
Sorry @LumberJack - as far as feeling it's wearing you down, I know the feeling. I've been reading/listening sort of non-stop to help block it out. Alternating music with books. The most recent 2 book have helped a bit. I put them in the book thread. Their content is good despite overly wordy and somewhat goofy sounding titles.
I am feeling OK. I did all the work I needed to in the space of 2.5 hours. Apart from meetings, I really don't need to be hard at it all day, unless someone needs me. Not right now anyway. I work for myself for a reason, might as well take the perks and stop trying to mirror those with 9am-midnight working styles. Just let everyone know the times I am available for meetings, the times I check emails (and when I won't). Working so far lol.
I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I've gone through 4 outfits so far today, and they all feel uncomfortable. Too much insulation, not enough, the socks just came out of the drawer, but do I know 100% they are clean? what about the sweats? Maybe it's my skin? I've had 2 showers in the past 12 hours though. I just put at least half of my clothes in the hamper so it's looking like 4-5 loads of laundry today, but at least I'll have a good baseline to start over from.
The clothes are not the real thing, though. My body is almost too clean, as in so disinfected that I'm more at risk of skin dryness than anything. Yet, there's the feeling that there's nowhere I will ever truly belong, ever feel welcome, ever feel like I can be my neuro-unique self openly without someone getting pissed off about it. I keep thinking it would just be sooooo much easier to accept the messages I'm getting from society that I am an imposition and stop wasting resources. The even more frustrating part is that I've been putting so much effort into reframing, grounding, and coping that I should be able to friggin levitate by now. Instead, all that has happened is that now I'm even more exhausted and the thoughts are seizing on the opportunity to attack following my strategic blunder today. Not a total loss, though, because the laundry is getting done, at least.
The clothes are not the real thing, though. My body is almost too clean, as in so disinfected that I'm more at risk of skin dryness than anything. Yet, there's the feeling that there's nowhere I will ever truly belong, ever feel welcome, ever feel like I can be my neuro-unique self openly without someone getting pissed off about it. I keep thinking it would just be sooooo much easier to accept the messages I'm getting from society that I am an imposition and stop wasting resources. The even more frustrating part is that I've been putting so much effort into reframing, grounding, and coping that I should be able to friggin levitate by now. Instead, all that has happened is that now I'm even more exhausted and the thoughts are seizing on the opportunity to attack following my strategic blunder today. Not a total loss, though, because the laundry is getting done, at least.
Sorry that youre feeling all those things @N.B 060136. How old are your children?, if you feel comfortable answering. Mine are in their 20's and no longer really need me, it's very bittersweet as well as a new point in my life.
I hope that you feel a moment of peace.
I hope that you feel a moment of peace.
Frustrated. I just got off a call with my psychiatrist and I feel like I can never fully express my preferences and concerns. And there's no one to be mad at but myself. I'm not a pushover and she's listens to me when I do object to something, but every appointment I feel like I'm somehow asking for too much but also not fully relaying what I want.
Noticing that I woke up feeling good today. Alive, as in I felt that I needed to stretch, and I did. I intuitively knew what movements to do by feeling into what muscles needed to go where. This is rare for me. Usually I get stuck wondering over which movements to do, e.g., "my middle back hurts - what stretches are for the muscles in that area?" I have to do that because I usually lack the ability to feel any sensation until it's painful. Simply being tight won't give me the information of how to stretch into it, because I don't feel where the stretching motion is getting into until I've taken that too far.
Being able to feel things in my body, like moving my shoulders around and gently rotating my spine, is, dare I say, a bit pleasant. Possibly because of the novelty of it, and partly because it's the case that I'm feeling better enough to be able to receive that information from my musculoskeletal nerve endings. Of course, the anxious part of me is now fretting about how long this will last and how much to jot down to remember after this passes. That's probably why I'm on SF.
It reminds me of the difference between depression and "normal" emotional pain, e.g., sadness, disappointment, or hurt feelings. With depression there is awareness of the suffering and a desire to escape, but I am unable to imagine what might help, or what instinctive human need the pain is telling me is unmet. With healthy/not-disordered sadness, etc,. I do know at least that there is a need that is unmet and if that I could investigate if I was willing to.
Being able to feel things in my body, like moving my shoulders around and gently rotating my spine, is, dare I say, a bit pleasant. Possibly because of the novelty of it, and partly because it's the case that I'm feeling better enough to be able to receive that information from my musculoskeletal nerve endings. Of course, the anxious part of me is now fretting about how long this will last and how much to jot down to remember after this passes. That's probably why I'm on SF.
It reminds me of the difference between depression and "normal" emotional pain, e.g., sadness, disappointment, or hurt feelings. With depression there is awareness of the suffering and a desire to escape, but I am unable to imagine what might help, or what instinctive human need the pain is telling me is unmet. With healthy/not-disordered sadness, etc,. I do know at least that there is a need that is unmet and if that I could investigate if I was willing to.
