How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

Amazed yet not. At how far my sister and brother go to make me a psychiatric patient and then laugh about it all.

I really hope they don't succeed. No one should be forced to do anything that might end up with them not being let go. Secondly, coming out of a psych facility better off than you came in is the exception to the rule. I can say I am still dealing with post traumatic problems from mine that happened 2 years ago. Even today I have been trying to puzzle out why in the heck they would kick me when I was down, but it's a question that I have already answered.

 

[LumberJack]

I'm trying to pull myself out of this negative thought loop. I am not out yet. Any time I have a spare moment to think, e.g., doing a routine chore, I start reliving past events that I am still angry about. It doesn't help. In fact it's worse than useless. So I've heard this saying that what we focus on we bring closer, but there's another saying that what we resist, persists - so I guess it's a pick your poison game. I do have an exercise of emotional offloading that is a guided meditation on the app I use for that. The idea is that instead of working with the emotion and the story behind what caused it, we feel into what it's like in our bodies and watch it for a while. Ideally it moves and your body does what it needs to. It's kind of a band-aid though. I've been thinking about suicide too frequently lately. It would be so much easier, and I don't find anything worth sticking around for in late stage capitalism.

But, people who I trust have told me it's a bad idea. So, I'm trying to fix my problems with no sense of really wanting to. It's tiring.

 

[Windhover]

Thanks @LumberJack. I'll get the audiobook as well, so I can listen while walking, jogging or whatever. I have thought about the same things you've said here. I know about the inherent weaknesses (or many of of them if not all) that were in effect built into my system. Jumping past all the other thoughts about that; any success I have with practicing new mental habits/ tools would depend on whether a person's efforts will get underneath the garbage. Those cultures with more self-compassion teach their children those values from the get-go. In my family it was pretty much the opposite; comply, behave, look good, shut-up. I would love to lift all of the out of my brain's systems so as to be replaced by the healthier beliefs. I'm not making excuses not at all, I'm worried at my abilities, that I'd be creating a mask. I admit self-doubt is raging lately.

I am scared of just how dark things are getting in this society and globally, as you've also mentioned.

 

[Windhover]

Amazed yet not. At how far my sister and brother go to make me a psychiatric patient and then laugh about it all.

(h) if they help. They seem like the kind of people who make mental health worse rather than better.

 

[LumberJack]

Thanks @LumberJack. I'll get the audiobook as well, so I can listen while walking, jogging or whatever.

I have the audio book off of Audible, and if I could go back in time, I would prefer the kindle or hard-copy version. The narrator is not my favorite; her presentation style comes across to me as kind of like a superior looking down on one less fortunate. Secondly, something I could thumb thru to get to the exercise parts would really come in handy now. Just thought I'd share.

 

[Windhover]

I'm glad you told me that @LumberJack bc I am not likely to listen to a book if the reader sounds weird or bad in some way. I think so many audio books have poor narrators. I wll get the digital version.

 

[may71]

I have the audio book off of Audible

The technology is already within reach that would allow one to pick one of several narrator voices and tones to produce an audiobook from a text file. That auto-generated narration sometimes gets emphasis wrong, but I think that could be fixed with a couple of tweeks.

 

[LumberJack]

The technology is already within reach that would allow one to pick one of several narrator voices and tones to produce an audiobook from a text file. That auto-generated narration sometimes gets emphasis wrong, but I think that could be fixed with a couple of tweeks.

I've heard AI-generated text to speech. It's still in the uncanny valley I'm not willing to listen to a whole book of that - I can't even get thru two verse/chorus parts of an AI-generated pop music video. Some pro narrators could do to take some instruction on presentation style because there are a lot of very poorly practiced ones on Audible, at least.

Nonetheless I would not rule out the possibility of me projecting my own self-image onto the narrator, and/or that I'm super picky because I have been trained in presentation style - and I have heard the good ones so I know how well it could be done.

If it were purely factual content that I was listening to for information, that's not as sensitive, but a book that is literally the book on self-compassion, that would need a more caring presentation. The narrators for some of Pema Chodron's books on Audible do a great job there. Knowing Amazon, there's a good chance they will push AI text to speech on the public unwittingly and when it all blows up will apologize but not refund a dime.

 

[may71]

I've heard AI-generated text to speech. It's still in the uncanny valley

Yes, the AI stuff has the audio equivalent of six finger hands, but I think it could be modified by a human to edit out the failures.

I guess I'm more confident that it would be able to competently generate audio with a pick-you-own-narrator option, but that's just my opinion. We'll probably find out soon if it can be done.

 

[Lane]

Amazed yet not. At how far my sister and brother go to make me a psychiatric patient and then laugh about it all.

That's just so mean. I understand. I have a manipulative, self absorbed sister.

 

[Lane]

Trying to have a better attitude so that I have a good week. I reminded myself that there are bigger issues in the world than my happiness

 

[Lane]

I feel irritated, angry, sad, hopeless, and every depressive feeling you can name all wrapped in one.[/QUOTE
It must be overwhelming to have all those feelings. I wish you some peace. Please try to be kind to yourself @Deadsoon. We care about you here.

 

[cymbele]

Trying to have a better attitude so that I have a good week. I reminded myself that there are bigger issues in the world than my happiness

I disagree. While it seems that way your happiness is important to me and others here. Have a better week because YOU deserve it

 

[AvidFan]

Ok I suppose. Had anxiety last night which stopped me sleeping, but was OK once I got into the swing of work and first meeting. Being busy definitely seems to help, so does relaxing. The worst of it seems to be anticipating work problems as have had quite a few in recent times, and my brain just expects everything to fall apart. So far so good today though 🙏 Got more remote meetings today but the week is a nice quiet one at the moment - got a few face to face meetings peppered later in week, which makes commute to office a bit of a pain when they're on different days - but could be worse!

 

[LumberJack]

I'm in pain, and so lonely that every slightly solid object is starting to look like a method to me.

 

[Windhover]

Another night of the anxiety/stress coming out in the form of biting my tongue, or my lip, while I am asleep. The pain of it wakes me. I'm starting to wonder if I actually have a seizure illness.

There've been some strange but not bad things happening. I don't want to get optimistic because that's always turned out poorly.

 

[TragicReality]

I can't type much on the phone, I can't see well. Hope I get a working laptop. I'm a mess rn

 

[ClassicsFan]

Like I want to close my eyes.

 

[Congratsbaby]

So much pain everywhere , I hope it gets better for all of you. wishing.

 

[Windhover]

Thinking of you @TragicReality (h) if you want. I'm glad you are posting.