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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Really anxious because I have to return my badge to work later today. I did a no call no show today And I quit. Feeling a lot of chaos nd burnt out and...meltdown. I don't think I can handle seeing anyone face to face again.. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel guilty. But also.. I cant do this anymore...
Feels like the stress is burning 3 holes in my stomach right now. One on the upper right side and the others on both sides of the lower surface. I'm doing "rip the band-aid" to make myself face the music over my employment, financial, and legal messes that are a chain reaction in that order. And now I see why I was paralyzed with anxiety for so long. I've more or less passively let my life fall apart over the past 2-3 years or so, and my descent from decent career to: unemployed, traumatized man-child with OCD who may or may not have a suspended license in three weeks - has been entirely due to my inaction.
I wasn't the one who set the spiral in motion, but my encounter with the organization that did was still a hugely bad example of my historically poor judgment. This is a nice way of saying I'm a bum and a loser - at least as far as capitalism is concerned. I am caring, thoughtful, and even intelligent. However, these traits are of no value in the arena where I must compete in order to get the little ones and zeros that mean I get to buy food and have shelter. Oh well. Due to my OCD I am losing huge swaths of time, as in sometimes 20-40 hours straight of hardly any sleeping or eating and then I collapse.
Getting that to calm down a bit, though, insofar as I only zoned out for 16 hours over the weekend. Still, the fact that my attention and planning are completely overridden by this thing I don't know how to handle (and btw is also interfering for me to find effective help to learn how to handle that very thing), combined with the fact that I fail to do basic adulting tasks and cannot stop doing self-destructive tasks is eating me alive. Oh well. Every day I lose is another day closer to the day I surrender to Death's icy embrace. Probably just don't have the commitment required to actively take off this meat suit on my own terms, but I would go skipping and dancing to anything that could take that decision out of my hands. Even saying that makes me feel like a loser but that's how I feel rn so that's how it came out.
I wasn't the one who set the spiral in motion, but my encounter with the organization that did was still a hugely bad example of my historically poor judgment. This is a nice way of saying I'm a bum and a loser - at least as far as capitalism is concerned. I am caring, thoughtful, and even intelligent. However, these traits are of no value in the arena where I must compete in order to get the little ones and zeros that mean I get to buy food and have shelter. Oh well. Due to my OCD I am losing huge swaths of time, as in sometimes 20-40 hours straight of hardly any sleeping or eating and then I collapse.
Getting that to calm down a bit, though, insofar as I only zoned out for 16 hours over the weekend. Still, the fact that my attention and planning are completely overridden by this thing I don't know how to handle (and btw is also interfering for me to find effective help to learn how to handle that very thing), combined with the fact that I fail to do basic adulting tasks and cannot stop doing self-destructive tasks is eating me alive. Oh well. Every day I lose is another day closer to the day I surrender to Death's icy embrace. Probably just don't have the commitment required to actively take off this meat suit on my own terms, but I would go skipping and dancing to anything that could take that decision out of my hands. Even saying that makes me feel like a loser but that's how I feel rn so that's how it came out.
when you say "get him back," do you mean as in back in your arms, or back as in revenge? If back together, I can say I have been there. I've had an interest who I was very interested in, and he was very interested in me. However we had traits in common that accelerated each others' worst impulses so it was like each of us were fine alone, but put us together and there might be an explosion.
Even knowing this, distancing myself was like leaving an addiction and losing a friend at the same time. We're still in touch and I know it was the right decision.
Even knowing this, distancing myself was like leaving an addiction and losing a friend at the same time. We're still in touch and I know it was the right decision.
Feeling excited yet conflicted. I just got into a program today that will let me go to a country I’ve been dreaming of going to for 10 years now. It feels so surreal. I’m really excited that I get to go, but I feel so negative, too, because of my mental issues. I wonder if I deserve to go on this trip. Could I even handle it? Sometimes I can barely even get out of bed. What about my OCD? Will it persist or can I tackle it in this trip? In general, I just feel like I don’t deserve any of this. I feel like a failure. Do I really deserve this trip to my dream country? Even with the challenges, I really want to go. It’s a once in a lifetime chance, and I need to take it. If anything, it motivates me more to try harder so that I’m prepared for it, but I still have this doubt in my mind that I don’t deserve any of this.
Hey , I feel so good to know this. Also just makes me feel hopeful. Firstly congratulations!!! Like yayy , you should celebrate it. And you do deserve it , 100%. You may have your fair share of challenges but I wish that you just go through them all in a way that works out for you , I hope you find that thing which may help you to find some sort of balance , ease , help.
And if this helps to make you feel less alone or in any other way , I wonder those things too , ( I may go to college away from home soon , so like how would I go through it because of mental health etc , I do fall many times here too so ) yea.
Wish you good
And if this helps to make you feel less alone or in any other way , I wonder those things too , ( I may go to college away from home soon , so like how would I go through it because of mental health etc , I do fall many times here too so ) yea.
Wish you good
Wow… this site has changed so much since I was a teen ager… didn’t know I would be back… how am I doing now? I’m so close to giving up I can taste it, and unlike when I was young I don’t have a whole lot of options for turning things around. Fighting for my life, my sobriety, my sanity… I’m just tired…
Hey , I feel so good to know this. Also just makes me feel hopeful. Firstly congratulations!!! Like yayy , you should celebrate it. And you do deserve it , 100%. You may have your fair share of challenges but I wish that you just go through them all in a way that works out for you , I hope you find that thing which may help you to find some sort of balance , ease , help.
And if this helps to make you feel less alone or in any other way , I wonder those things too , ( I may go to college away from home soon , so like how would I go through it because of mental health etc , I do fall many times here too so ) yea.
Wish you good
And if this helps to make you feel less alone or in any other way , I wonder those things too , ( I may go to college away from home soon , so like how would I go through it because of mental health etc , I do fall many times here too so ) yea.
Wish you good
This made me feel good. Wish you good, too 
Feel like dying. Living through untreated, unresolved trauma. Referral went thru after a years wait. Received an appointment. Just starting the shit over again.
Got a questionnaire, among the questions “what do you expect from the visit?” I expect they take quick look at me and try to pawn me off to someone else. Like always.
Exhausted now. Maybe can eat my noodles. Maybe not look at it again until tomorrow, with a better frame of mind.
Have no sense of if this message is even readable.
Got a questionnaire, among the questions “what do you expect from the visit?” I expect they take quick look at me and try to pawn me off to someone else. Like always.
Exhausted now. Maybe can eat my noodles. Maybe not look at it again until tomorrow, with a better frame of mind.
Have no sense of if this message is even readable.
I feel lost. Lost in my head, and lost in the world. Lost in my stress and yet uncertain of what to do about it. I more or less know what to do. I don’t need ideas or suggestions. What I think I need is a break from the stress for long enough to break out of my paralysis. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, in that I can stay afloat with constant concentration. It seems like it would also be easy to let myself fall. If I just let the horrors inside my mind out, then I would get worse until the illness kills me, one way or another. I’m not entirely certain that I haven’t already done this.
