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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
For some reason anxiety took over me this afternoon. there was nothing to get anxious about but my chest was tight. I considered taking an Ativan but didn’t because I wanted to go to exercise class. After two hours of mild exercise tai chi although we did some cardio my chest is relaxed. Thank goodness for getting rid of the anxiety it’s been awhile since I’ve had an episode.
That reminds me of when I take a tai chi class (well, a video but it guides me through the movements) I usually feel completely relaxed afterward. Not a drowsy kind of relaxed, but more like I’m centered in my body and I am glad to be there. For some reason I have not made an ongoing study of it yet.
So. I have really been busting my ass lately. Pushing the envelope on approaching the fears that paralyze me. Taking care of my sleep, exercise and nutrition, which still has a long way to go, but I’m putting intentional effort into it, e.g. weighing myself daily and setting a quota of having at least one part of every meal involve something that has exactly one ingredient (aka produce, lol).
I even started to feel proud of myself, as in like I had pulled out of my spiral and started moving back into healthier behavior.
Then, the self doubt started. I’m feeling like kind of an a-hole for attempting to take care of myself, because after all I’m worthless at best and probably creating harms without even knowing. I know that is all cognitive distortion. I can objectively go over how I treat others, and I am satisfied with my progress towards being a fully functioning adult.
It’s like I just have to feel guilty about something at all times. I know where this came from, and I think it’s a common enough story that it’s probably not necessary to detail here. However, I do feel a little accomplished anyway. It’s more of a physical sensation of being less obstructed; as if some dark, dark clouds that have been sucking out my energy parted for a little bit.
I even started to feel proud of myself, as in like I had pulled out of my spiral and started moving back into healthier behavior.
Then, the self doubt started. I’m feeling like kind of an a-hole for attempting to take care of myself, because after all I’m worthless at best and probably creating harms without even knowing. I know that is all cognitive distortion. I can objectively go over how I treat others, and I am satisfied with my progress towards being a fully functioning adult.
It’s like I just have to feel guilty about something at all times. I know where this came from, and I think it’s a common enough story that it’s probably not necessary to detail here. However, I do feel a little accomplished anyway. It’s more of a physical sensation of being less obstructed; as if some dark, dark clouds that have been sucking out my energy parted for a little bit.
We care about you here @Inanimate. Please try to be gentle with yourself. Wishing you peace. 
Home again from the health center. Guess I get an appointment at the surgical department in a month or so. Need to cut out some malfunctioning gland that keep getting inflamed. Should be pretty minor surgery. I hope. Trying to not worry about it today.
Exhausted. Might need to watch tv series all day. Feels boring. Maybe can continue spring cleaning in the afternoon. Some monotonous activity to get my head back.
Exhausted. Might need to watch tv series all day. Feels boring. Maybe can continue spring cleaning in the afternoon. Some monotonous activity to get my head back.
