He has stained me permanently. I don't believe he loves me but I think it's my own fault. With every argument I think "this is the worst one" but next one is even worse.
I think love is a 2 way street and so both of you had your own parts contributing to the conflict/dissolution. I would argue that nothing is permanent, but you probably mean just for the duration of your life. I am very sorry it has come to that. Being a relatively inexperienced person with romantic relationships, I don’t feel qualified to offer advice, but I could say what worked for me in a different situation, and/or things I learned in the intensive outpatient program (IOP) that I attended several years ago. I learned a lot about relationship dynamics.
It is just book knowledge, though. I have had more than one female friend confide in me that she keeps falling for the same guy, the same relationship, over and over with only the name changing. I ended up reading about self compassion and because I knew of the repeating pattern of relationships, my attention was perked up when the author discussed self-compassion and relationships that go sour.
I have learned about maintaining and growing an intimate partnership from my only long term partner. Unfortunately, he ended up dying on me, the jerk! Okay there’s a lot of grief there, but I’m not above making jokes about him, too.
However, I do have that experience to draw upon in cultivating love between 2 people. So I don’t know how to fix what got broken, but I am looking for a man who is like minded about relationships, because it becomes a beautiful thing once it’s established and growing.
Sorry about the essay. I’m a hopeless romantic, but I guess that probably goes without saying, lol.
