I think I had a meltdown or something similar, like a burnout or something, yesterday at the university. (I'm autistic level 1)
It happens often to me; I just feel terribly bad out of the blue and start crying; my heartbeat gets faster and faster; I hyperventilate; I dissociate; I can't and don't want to talk; and... just stop working. Can't focus on anything, but at the same time I'm paying attention to everything. It's weird.
I wanted to talk about it yesterday but just couldn't.
Today I'm experiencing the sequels of yesterday. I feel apathetic to the world. I don't want to talk at all. I feel tired, mentally tired. I don't want to do anything at all, but somehow I have managed to get through the day.
I wish I could just get a sincere hug. Cry on somebody's shoulder.
I wish I could just talk about these things to someone, to my mom, without her looking at me like a weirdo or telling me I'm exaggerating or whatever.
I know she means no harm; she says it to make me feel like I can get through it, but it just makes me feel stupid for even having feelings.
It's like everyone else just knows HOW TO BE, and I'm the little stupid one who makes a big deal out of anything.
Lately, my mind has just wandered alone; my thoughts spiral, and I don't have control over them. I'm just there, in the middle of it all.