How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[Angie]

Went to ER last night (its 2:30 am Saturday now).

I have a UTI. Apparently in a 67 year old person this can cause exactly the symptoms I have.

I don't want to take any more of the Latuda, but I am afraid not to. And of course it is the weekend. I've left my pdoc a message but doubt I'll hear from them.

Gotta get to the pharmacy in the morning for the antibiotic for the UTI.

Will this ever stop?

 

[DarkNightshade]

I'm doing a lot of introspection these days, as part of therapy work. It feels like I don't know myself as much as I thought I did, but that's okay. I'm also slightly fearful of this weather change (from heatwave to lots of rain). Fall is not a good season for me; I have had many depressions this time of the year, so I'm a little anxious about it.

 

[Windhover]

Having not been able to stay asleep, now 4:30 am, and looks like something has come up and a section of my plans has taken a hit. Hoping the rest stay in place and can be carried out safely. The disappointment is heavy but I can't use any energy to think about it, not today nor tomorrow. Sadness will likely come back, even stronger, later.

 

[AvidFan]

Having not been able to stay asleep, now 4:30 am, and looks like something has come up and a section of my plans has taken a hit. Hoping the rest stay in place and can be carried out safely. The disappointment is heavy but I can't use any energy to think about it, not today nor tomorrow. Sadness will likely come back, even stronger, later.

I am sorry to hear this. I hope your plans recover ❤️❤️

 

[AvidFan]

My own small plans took a hit today. Had hoped to get out for a walk and did try, but the wind looked likely to rip my windproof umbrella to bits so I walked around the block and came back in. I did manage to get a video of the drip from the gutter, it's definitely what's causing the water on the wall. Now I just have to try to get the guy out again and figure out how to pay for it.

 

[AvidFan]

Wet. Found my raincoat and forced myself out for a walk. Bottom half got wet, top half stayed dry under the coat. Only managed 6500 steps. I would like to keep my streak going so I may go out again after supper. I don't mind getting wet.

 

[1964dodge]

I think I had a meltdown or something similar, like a burnout or something, yesterday at the university. (I'm autistic level 1)
It happens often to me; I just feel terribly bad out of the blue and start crying; my heartbeat gets faster and faster; I hyperventilate; I dissociate; I can't and don't want to talk; and... just stop working. Can't focus on anything, but at the same time I'm paying attention to everything. It's weird.
I wanted to talk about it yesterday but just couldn't.
Today I'm experiencing the sequels of yesterday. I feel apathetic to the world. I don't want to talk at all. I feel tired, mentally tired. I don't want to do anything at all, but somehow I have managed to get through the day.
I wish I could just get a sincere hug. Cry on somebody's shoulder.
I wish I could just talk about these things to someone, to my mom, without her looking at me like a weirdo or telling me I'm exaggerating or whatever.
I know she means no harm; she says it to make me feel like I can get through it, but it just makes me feel stupid for even having feelings.
It's like everyone else just knows HOW TO BE, and I'm the little stupid one who makes a big deal out of anything.
Lately, my mind has just wandered alone; my thoughts spiral, and I don't have control over them. I'm just there, in the middle of it all.

 

[1964dodge]

Having not been able to stay asleep, now 4:30 am, and looks like something has come up and a section of my plans has taken a hit. Hoping the rest stay in place and can be carried out safely. The disappointment is heavy but I can't use any energy to think about it, not today nor tomorrow. Sadness will likely come back, even stronger, later.

 

[1964dodge]

going through a bad case of anxiety and depression. kind of wonder why i bother to keep fighting. my wife lost her best friend last night and i'm there helping her. it IS time to go home. i don't know why i'm not being called home, others get to go home why not me. i will try to wait but suicide looks better every day

mike

 

[LumberJack]

was doing okay earlier, but about 30 min ago hit a wall. Now I'm feeling sickly like getting off of opiates, but not as heavy. No fever or other symptoms. Also fatigued. I took a nap but I didn't sleep, just laid down for a while. Earlier I noticed my balance was off, and so was my perception of how high the bathtub was, leading to my hitting it as I tried to get in for cleaning duty. Also left a drawer a tiny bit open and promptly found it by banging my hand on the handle as I walked by later. In short, even more clumsy than usual for me. I'm disturbed by the balance problem but hopefully after some more sleep that will improve. Thinking I'll roll out my yoga mat and do some mild stretches because I'm gradually rolling into a ball because all of my protective muscles are tight af too. Oh also I've hardly eaten (ate?) anything with nutritional value yesterday and today. I need to go shopping. there is nearly no produce in my apartment right now. This is because I'm avoiding getting groceries and have been since Monday. Not because I'm trying to empty the fridge out so much as not wanting to deal with the crowds. They've been ramping up but not at pre-Thanksgiving levels yet. I do have frozen fruit in the freezer (where else? ) which is pushing me in the direction of a smoothie. The grocery store closes at 10:00PM but they start restocking around 8:00. If I go around 7:00 I should be able to move thru the aisles without going aside for people coming the opposite direction.

I know - first world problems. I think it's just that I feel so bad that everything is irritating.

 

[I_waste_everything]

I failed a customer really badly. She explained her situation perfectly well, and I gave her information which she had, in the process of her explanation, she made clear she already knew and had applied.

She did her due diligence and I replaced the meaning she'd told me clearly,with a meaning more convenient for and less demanding on me.

Just as so often others have done when I speak to them. Now I'm the other side of that speaker-listener relationship.

I neglected to use þorn þis time. I don't deserve to use it for now, anyway.

 

[SillyOldBear]

going through a bad case of anxiety and depression. kind of wonder why i bother to keep fighting. my wife lost her best friend last night and i'm there helping her. it IS time to go home. i don't know why i'm not being called home, others get to go home why not me. i will try to wait but suicide looks better every day

mike

Sorry to hear things are so bad. I do understand. My sympathies to your wife. We are at the age when too many people around us die. And it does suck to be left behind. Every night I ask God to take me. It probably pisses Him off. I hope we will both be called home soon, and get to meet in a much better place.

 

[LumberJack]

going through a bad case of anxiety and depression. kind of wonder why i bother to keep fighting. my wife lost her best friend last night and i'm there helping her. it IS time to go home. i don't know why i'm not being called home, others get to go home why not me. i will try to wait but suicide looks better every day

mike

I'm sorry about the anxiety & depression that the grief brought along. I understand the envy about people who get to go before oneself. I'm at the age where a few people from my core friend group in the college music scene have already died. Some people get to shed this body in their forties.

 

[LumberJack]

Went to ER last night (its 2:30 am Saturday now).

I have a UTI. Apparently in a 67 year old person this can cause exactly the symptoms I have.

I don't want to take any more of the Latuda, but I am afraid not to. And of course it is the weekend. I've left my pdoc a message but doubt I'll hear from them.

Gotta get to the pharmacy in the morning for the antibiotic for the UTI.

Will this ever stop?

Everything stops eventually.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Everything stops eventually.

Can't be soon enough for me!

 

[1964dodge]

Sorry to hear things are so bad. I do understand. My sympathies to your wife. We are at the age when too many people around us die. And it does suck to be left behind. Every night I ask God to take me. It probably pisses Him off. I hope we will both be called home soon, and get to meet in a much better place.

thank you barb. my wife and i have the curse of both being the baby of the family so everyone dies before us. the only family i have left is my wife and 3 kids, i have a brother but he can go fuck himself and i won't cry 1 tear when he dies, long story. i even left instruction to my wife that if i'm in the hospital or dead for him not to be allowed in. i don't think god is upset with us for asking to come home especially if we ask during our prayers. god could never be mad at you. if he says anything when we go home all we have to say is you were so busy we thought you forgot lol

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

I'm sorry about the anxiety & depression that the grief brought along. I understand the envy about people who get to go before oneself. I'm at the age where a few people from my core friend group in the college music scene have already died. Some people get to shed this body in their forties.

thank you

mike....

 

[may71]

I wish I could just get a sincere hug.

Sending hugs

 

[may71]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

 

[KM76710]

going through a bad case of anxiety and depression. kind of wonder why i bother to keep fighting. my wife lost her best friend last night and i'm there helping her. it IS time to go home. i don't know why i'm not being called home, others get to go home why not me. i will try to wait but suicide looks better every day

mike

Sad to hear of the loss of friends, that is always a tough time especially with it built on other issues. You and the family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully better twists of fate are in the future.