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How Can I Stop Caring What My Coworkers Do (Or Don't Do)?

Discussion in 'Work and Financial Problems' started by serend1pitous, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. serend1pitous

    serend1pitous New Member

    I work in an office with 6 other women, which I find unfortunate because women are a little more gossipy and back-staby than men; I think some testosterone would do us a lot of good, truth be told. There are 2 directors who, quite frankly, suck at their job. Some of it is due to incompetence and the rest of it is due to pure laziness. They have a really unhealthy co-dependent relationship going on and it gives me the creeps. They encourage each other to come in late, leave early, take 2 hour lunch breaks, etc. Then they complain about not having enough time in a day to get anything done...and really, they don't get ANYTHING done. They're really good at giving their work to others or simply finding a way out of doing it at all. They spend a lot of time gossiping about the other women and because of the position of my desk, I hear everything.

    I don't WANT to hear everything. I wish I didn't notice when they come in and when they leave. I wish I didn't know about all the things they're not getting done. I wish I didn't stew over it...but I don't know how to "turn it off" so to speak. I can't relate to them at all. I probably care a little too much about my job and it would bother the hell out of me if I knew I wasn't doing my best or I was not working the full 40 hours. I judge them for not caring, for not being competent, for acting like martyrs when they hardly work in the first place.

    How do I train myself to let it go? To not care? It's depressing me and I dread going to work.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is hard to not care about something thta directly effects your job and the effort needed to do your job. it effects any decent person to see some people taking advantage of others because by "ignoring" it feels like condoning.

    I wish I had actual advice to you- except silently repeating the mantra "I cannot control what others do, say, or think", "I cannot control what others do, say, or think", etc. etc. Some things are simply beyond our ability to fix, and being satisfied with the fact you are doing the right thing and concentrating on that is all we have. While it sometimes may be possible to deal with in the HR department or other official way, it sounds like that is not the case here due to office structure and the fact is the problem is they are the directors? I am also presuming that talking to them directly about it is completely out of the question based on potential for them to make your job much more difficult?

    I wish i had something for real advice. I do not, but I read your post, understand your dilemma, and am sorry you are in such a rotten position. The fact that this is an issue shows you are a good person. Not having the ability to correct an injustice does not make you a less good person. I hope someday you are in a position where you can correct that sort of issue and prevent it, clearly you will be far better director some day than they are, but unless it is to the point you are ready to change jobs over it , which is another question entirely, I do not know how you can cope except as you are- putting up with looking for ways to ignore it.

    Take care and I am sorry to not have better ideas. I do admire your character to care, speak out against injustice even if it is just here, and desire for fairness.
    Tor likes this.
  3. serend1pitous

    serend1pitous New Member

    Thanks for your response. I came to the same conclusion - I can't control or change them; I can only change myself. Ugh....sounds like the serenity prayer. I guess I'm just struggling to accept the situation. We are a small non-profit; we don't have an HR division. And the 6 women I work with are all directors while I am a meager admin assistant who does the grunt work. I don't mind doing the "grunt work" when I know it's actually helpful, appreciated, and not enabling. I hate it when I am required to do work for them, knowing it only enables them to be lazy.

    But if I can take a step back and think about it, I realize that I can benefit from this as far as building my character goes. I can still do my job to the best of my ability regardless of whether they do their job to the best of their ability. I don't have to lose heart or energy...

    Anyway, I could go on, but frankly, I'm exhausted. Long story short, I'm trying to cope with it better.
    Tor and JmpMster like this.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    In non-profits, often times people are given director positions because they or a family member has donated a lot of money. These are kind of "honorary" directors, and they're usually not expected to much or even any work.

    If that's the case, the organization probably wouldn't even do anything even if they didn't show up at all.

    You might want to try to learn what the rules of governance are for you organization. If they weren't given director positions based on a donation, there may be a way to oust them, though that might involve some risk for you.

    You might want to ask one of the other directors something like, "Hypothetically, could someone get a director's position if they or a family member donated a lot of money to a non-profit?". If the answer is "yes", you might want to ask if that's something that might happen at your organization (you also might want to evade giving the real reason why you are asking).

    If it turns out that the two do-nothing directors are really "honorary" directors, accepting the fact that they are directors might be a lot easier to take. In that case they wouldn't be bringing the organization down, and were never expected to do anything anyways. They may even be so incompetent that their non-participation is actually a boon to the organization.
  5. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    You're gonna burn out of this position pretty fast. Maybe you should hit the bricks on looking for a new gig before you're mental and emotional health starts to sag because of it. Before it's a "I'd like to.. " rather than "I have to go". :) Just an idea.
  6. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    One of my biggest problems has always been being hyper aware of everyone and everything around me. Being hyper aware of everything is kind of like a super power, but it doesn't mean that all of that data is being interpreted correctly. I've given up on hyper awareness, it's just how my brain functions. I've had much more success with trying to more accurately interpret the data that is coming in.
  7. littlelucy

    littlelucy Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear that you at least care about your work and that you work hard. It's a shame the way that they are. It seems like almost everywhere that the person or people "in power" shouldn't be there and are in it for the wrong reasons.
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    @serend1pitous have the opposite issue lol mine is wanting to get rid of most male coworkers...I like women coworkers better

    I work with both men and women equally and I find women have better common sense vs many of the men lol...

    Just sayin!

    You have that power to say "hey! I am here and can hear this unpleasant conversation about someone who is not here to defend themselves can both of you tone it down?"

    Just FYI the top 5 worst staff that constantly gives me grief for not doing their jobs on my team and i am constantly fixing issues because they were involved me as their superior ... all 5 in common happens to be all men. And yes one of the 5 men is so dramatic he would give Hollywood actors a run for their money.

    Look at sports. Men are such crybabies aren't they? Look at womens sports you don't see much carrying on about the points don't you? NBA...oh my. Constantly showboating and bitching back and forth... on a serious note men do have some strengths at work and together its a good team for most parts.

    Women rule where I work. They are good at their jobs and I appericate all of the coworkers all gender in their unique messed up way. Makes work somewhat interesting for me. Put gender aside and set boundaries and be professional about it hopefully it pans out for your sake