I have always been generally low, though everyone thinks I'm the life of the party. Or they used to. I lost my wife and my two best friends. My sweet wife died of cancer, my best friend died in a car accident, and my other best friend became oddly bitter and ghosted me unexpectedly. I have really no one now. I feel so sad all the time. I have had deeper and deeper wish to just be done with it all. No, I don't want to kill myself. But if I have a heart attack, I seriously doubt I'll call 911. I tried a therapist. After a couple grand, and feeling worse than I did to begin with, I quit that. I'm terrified to even tell a doctor, because then I'll get labeled and have a M.I. on my health records, which can cause issues. How the hell does someone even start to get help without getting labeled for life?
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I'm sorry you've gone through so much for so long, and haven't had any good support.
Do you want to say what country you're in? It's ok if you don't want to, but a lot depends on the laws where you are.
There are also some alternative treatment methods that would likely "go under the radar". I can say more about that if you're interested.
Do you want to say what country you're in? It's ok if you don't want to, but a lot depends on the laws where you are.
There are also some alternative treatment methods that would likely "go under the radar". I can say more about that if you're interested.
I don't know. It was quite odd. He had been a good friend during the cancer, and for a year or so after. Then he all of a sudden became very short, bitter, etc. And quit texting. I sent him a Christmas card, letting him know I'm sorry we lost touch, miss our friendship, and hope to reconnect. But he never responded.
I think at least officially, it would be illegal for anyone to discriminate against you based on having a medical condition (at least in most cases), and it would also be illegal for someone to access your private medical records.
That said, it also wouldn't surprise me if there were corporations that collected data illegally or that illegally discriminated against people with mental health conditions. On the other hand, I don't think you'd be more at risk for your privacy being compromised by seeing a doctor, since you've already seen a therapist.
I think it would probably be ok to see a doctor and ask about medication. It's possible to feel worse, at least temporarily if you're taking an anti-depressant. It's also possible that if a doctor thinks you're at high risk for a suicide attempt, they could compel you to be hospitalized involuntarily. That would be unlikely to happen unless you've formed a plan or have gathered methods, or your doctor otherwise thinks you're at high risk.
Alternative treatments would go under the radar, but would also likely not be covered by insurance.
That said, it also wouldn't surprise me if there were corporations that collected data illegally or that illegally discriminated against people with mental health conditions. On the other hand, I don't think you'd be more at risk for your privacy being compromised by seeing a doctor, since you've already seen a therapist.
I think it would probably be ok to see a doctor and ask about medication. It's possible to feel worse, at least temporarily if you're taking an anti-depressant. It's also possible that if a doctor thinks you're at high risk for a suicide attempt, they could compel you to be hospitalized involuntarily. That would be unlikely to happen unless you've formed a plan or have gathered methods, or your doctor otherwise thinks you're at high risk.
Alternative treatments would go under the radar, but would also likely not be covered by insurance.
I appreciate the thoughts. My wife was in heath care, and she told me nursing homes won't want you later if you have depression or anxiety as a diagnosis. So I just paid for private therapy, which was worthless. I tried alternative things, too. But I still just wish it was all over. I'm sorry I'm being such a mugwump. Was just curious if there was any other alternative. Maybe street drugs next. That might both alleviate pain temporarily and speed me toward my preferred destination.
You've been through a lot. It wouldn't be reasonable to expect that to have not effected you.
Street drugs would be a nightmare. I know you may be feeling bad enough to want to self-destruct, but there are better options.
You might want to take a look at these two links:
Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System
Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous
Yes, there are employers who might discriminate against employees. However, if your life is at stake it's probably better to take anti-depressants than to risk a suicide attempt by not being on them. There are plenty of people who take medication but who are still employed.
Street drugs would be a nightmare. I know you may be feeling bad enough to want to self-destruct, but there are better options.
You might want to take a look at these two links:
Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System
Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous
Yes, there are employers who might discriminate against employees. However, if your life is at stake it's probably better to take anti-depressants than to risk a suicide attempt by not being on them. There are plenty of people who take medication but who are still employed.
Anti-depressants gave me the head space to be able to manage my employment and I've been taking anti-depressants for 30 years and during that time, have been unemployed for just 6 months. Street drugs would be a terrible idea, you'd also need to see street people to get them and I wouldn't recommend that. Hope you seek some help @Guy451, sounds like its been very rough for you. While I'm struggling myself at the moment, I do find a daily meditation practice helps, there's lot's of how to meditate resources online, such as headspace (www.headspace.com), which is a subscription service, but there is loads of frees resources online if you google it.
I can tell you from my personal experience that it doesnât work. I tried it already, mostly with opioid pain pills. Plus other stuff. The pain goes away at first. Hell, thereâs a reason why people get addicted. But- it doesnât last, and now you have an addiction demanding more out of you every day, and you canât get back to feeling good, because your brain got used to the chemicals.
Theyâll alleviate pain for a few weeks, then theyâll make things infinitely worse for years and years. They might get you to your destination, but you wonât like what they turn you into in the process.
Not to advocate suicide but just straightforwardly doing that will cause a lot less pain.
Not to make it about me, but to illustrate that what Iâm saying does not come from a place of ignorance; I am a former addict and my wife died from an overdose.
Frankly, based on the amount you spent, you did not give therapy nearly long enough. Maybe youâre right, maybe it is useless for you. But you have not been to enough therapists for enough time to know that yet.
Finding the right therapist, and learning to stick with it when progress is (often very) slow, is part of the process.
Are whatever consequences youâre imagining (and yes, youâre imagining them) for being diagnosed as mentally ill really worse than literally dying?
To phrase it another way; tomorrow you might see someone who writes something down that people may or may not see years from now, and that they may or may not react to. Or you might get hit by a bus. Which would you prefer?
I really donât think fear of not getting into a good nursing home is holding you back. I think youâre making excuses because you think it wonât work.
Which it might not, Iâll grant that. But it might. Your fears are massively overblown, if insurance were paying for it youâd be able to go along with the process for a lot longer with less pressure to see results right away.
And trust me, nobody hears âI went through a depression after my wife diedâ and is judgmental about it. Even the hardest meanest person in the world, the person least likely to listen to excuses, is going to be understanding about that.
Not to advocate suicide but just straightforwardly doing that will cause a lot less pain.
Not to make it about me, but to illustrate that what Iâm saying does not come from a place of ignorance; I am a former addict and my wife died from an overdose.
Frankly, based on the amount you spent, you did not give therapy nearly long enough. Maybe youâre right, maybe it is useless for you. But you have not been to enough therapists for enough time to know that yet.
Finding the right therapist, and learning to stick with it when progress is (often very) slow, is part of the process.
Are whatever consequences youâre imagining (and yes, youâre imagining them) for being diagnosed as mentally ill really worse than literally dying?
To phrase it another way; tomorrow you might see someone who writes something down that people may or may not see years from now, and that they may or may not react to. Or you might get hit by a bus. Which would you prefer?
I really donât think fear of not getting into a good nursing home is holding you back. I think youâre making excuses because you think it wonât work.
Which it might not, Iâll grant that. But it might. Your fears are massively overblown, if insurance were paying for it youâd be able to go along with the process for a lot longer with less pressure to see results right away.
And trust me, nobody hears âI went through a depression after my wife diedâ and is judgmental about it. Even the hardest meanest person in the world, the person least likely to listen to excuses, is going to be understanding about that.
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I wish I could believe that. But literally no one I know gives two shits and a dime. My supervisor told me I'm not bringing joy to the office anymore and people have commented on it. So... to keep my job I put on s mask of happiness every day and dutifully serve as court jester. So... yes, folks are very understanding.
You are probably right though, suicide is probably much better than long term drug use. So...maybe I'll just use really heavily and hope I O.D.
You are probably right though, suicide is probably much better than long term drug use. So...maybe I'll just use really heavily and hope I O.D.
And I'm sorry...but if two years and thousands of dollars of therapy isn't enough. Then... to hell with that too. And yes, yes, indeed, death sounds much, much better than all other alternatives, once the three people I'd hurt by doing so are gone.
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Will do. I appreciate the extra boost.
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Will do. I appreciate the extra boost.
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I'm just wondering, and btw you don't need to answer this, but have you ever thought of the alternative. When in the throws of SI, I find the best motivation in that moment and a strategy to keep away that dark thought of offing yourself is to keep telling yourself you did not go through all the pain you have to just let it win.
Live to throw middle fingers at pain and even the depression itself. Which is kind of close to that friend saying do it to spite those who want you to. Different, yet the same fighting feeling.
Live to throw middle fingers at pain and even the depression itself. Which is kind of close to that friend saying do it to spite those who want you to. Different, yet the same fighting feeling.
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I have had a similar reponse from my management and around the office. 'Your not smiling as much as you use it' and so on. Id recommend getting a bit of fight and 'fuck them'. While i agree that they might be uncomfortable if someone isn't as jolly as they were before and i also understand that you need to have an aspect of getting along and a productive atmosphere in the office but dont get bullied into having to mask to that degree. Make sure you do your work well and there is nothing they can do. Stop trying so hard with them as this wont help your mental health. I keep a note of my productivity at work in case there is any comeback on me.
It always looks like everyone else is doing just fine; that's the impression of depression.
People actually go to work not just for the money, but to break up the monotony of their lives. Look at the COVID era; more divorces were recorded then than at any other time.
>>> Covid Divorce<<<
It sounds like you brought happiness to the officeâbefore your struggles, I mean. It sounds like people enjoyed coming to work and that you were the life and soul of the party, a nice deterrent from the mundanity and struggles within their home lives and relationships, which are way more common than anybody thinks.
Then, you hit a brick wall and your mood dropped. This was noticed by those around you but not understood. Instead, people started getting the wrong end of the stick and thought you were upset with them. Life is like that; people don't have the ability to think deeper. They just automatically think they're the problem because the world is full of insecure people looking for likes and recognition from social media, trying to convince themselves they are good people when, deep down inside, they can't stand themselves.
These are the people who are scared stiff of dying; the very thought of being dead terrifies them. So, they live their lives following the rest of the sheep, doing what they think other people want them to do.
Sorry to hear about your wife and friend; it sounds like you've lost the two closest people to you.
There was a time before you knew your wife and friendâa time when, if they suddenly appeared right in front of you out of thin air, you'd probably feel really uncomfortable and ask them to leave.
And this is ground you need to rediscover, as one day you'll naturally follow the same path. Physical life isn't forever; the body is like a car engine and breaks down eventually. Only consciousness/soul goes on forever, and this is the part that needs the attention in this life. In other words, the mindâwhat you fill your mind with is the only escape out of this void and onto a better level.
Keep wearing that mask and bring the happiness. Every person you get a smile out of is like one person you've just cured and brought some relief to. I can absolutely guarantee this will pay off massively in the long run!
Take care.
People actually go to work not just for the money, but to break up the monotony of their lives. Look at the COVID era; more divorces were recorded then than at any other time.
>>> Covid Divorce<<<
It sounds like you brought happiness to the officeâbefore your struggles, I mean. It sounds like people enjoyed coming to work and that you were the life and soul of the party, a nice deterrent from the mundanity and struggles within their home lives and relationships, which are way more common than anybody thinks.
Then, you hit a brick wall and your mood dropped. This was noticed by those around you but not understood. Instead, people started getting the wrong end of the stick and thought you were upset with them. Life is like that; people don't have the ability to think deeper. They just automatically think they're the problem because the world is full of insecure people looking for likes and recognition from social media, trying to convince themselves they are good people when, deep down inside, they can't stand themselves.
These are the people who are scared stiff of dying; the very thought of being dead terrifies them. So, they live their lives following the rest of the sheep, doing what they think other people want them to do.
Sorry to hear about your wife and friend; it sounds like you've lost the two closest people to you.
There was a time before you knew your wife and friendâa time when, if they suddenly appeared right in front of you out of thin air, you'd probably feel really uncomfortable and ask them to leave.
And this is ground you need to rediscover, as one day you'll naturally follow the same path. Physical life isn't forever; the body is like a car engine and breaks down eventually. Only consciousness/soul goes on forever, and this is the part that needs the attention in this life. In other words, the mindâwhat you fill your mind with is the only escape out of this void and onto a better level.
Keep wearing that mask and bring the happiness. Every person you get a smile out of is like one person you've just cured and brought some relief to. I can absolutely guarantee this will pay off massively in the long run!
Take care.