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How many attempts have you had?
- Thread starter ofvanityandwax
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I sound like a suicidal maniac since I've done it over 20 times in my life, if not more. At first, it was attention-seeking, but then it became deliberate because I was sick of it all. I didn't want to sound like it was a cry for help either. I didn't want to sound like I was bluffing anymore, so when I really feel I have a plan, I seriously feel like acting on it.
Just the once, and I only failed because of my state of mind. Part of me is glad I didn't succeed, part of me wishes I had. Have experienced so many good things since then, but at the same time my life has spiralled down and down all the more. I'm in a worse place now than I was then. I'm pretty scared that soon I will try again. Too scared to talk to family and friends about it because I know it will upset them.
I don't know any more. I think it has been almost a year since the last one. Some was me wanting help but feeling like I needed to do something drastic to get it. A few were serious but I didn't have the balls to go all the way or I panicked and told someone.
If it happens again do I really want to die? I don't even know any more. I don't particularly want attention, I just want all the crap to stop.
If it happens again do I really want to die? I don't even know any more. I don't particularly want attention, I just want all the crap to stop.
A few. Two or three in one night. Maybe I'm just stupid, I dunno.
I came so close... everything got so blurry, and then...
And the next attempt was just stupid. Didn't even know what I was doing.
I swore to myself that it was a miracle and that I'd never attempt again. That saved a few attempts.
I've changed my mind now. I just want to die.
Where I'm living now... It's difficult to get what I need... there's no ,,, or ,,, in my room.
As soon as I can get what I need, I can go off for good.
I came so close... everything got so blurry, and then...
And the next attempt was just stupid. Didn't even know what I was doing.
I swore to myself that it was a miracle and that I'd never attempt again. That saved a few attempts.
I've changed my mind now. I just want to die.
Where I'm living now... It's difficult to get what I need... there's no ,,, or ,,, in my room.
As soon as I can get what I need, I can go off for good.
4 Attempts. All serious enough to end up in hospital. Cops woke me up in a parking lot on my last one otherwise I wouldn't be here. I'm not sure why people feel the need to intervene. They think they are doing you a favour. I'm not sure why people don't help us instead of stopping us. I have waited a while this time because I can't afford to fail next time. It will be worse than death.
Three when I was in high school. Last two was same week, first one got me to er while in transit to secure hospital tried for last time, now over thirteen years later I'm back to plotting and scheming reflecting on failure of getting caught. No it's not a cry for help. I truly intend on finding the way that will not hurt anyone else I've already burnt plenty of bridges, no bones about it.
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