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How many attempts have you had?
- Thread starter ofvanityandwax
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In 2003, I attempted to commit suicide. Life didn't just seem worth living. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. Finally, I moved on.
How I wish I had just committed suicide that night. I would not have to go through the things that I have been through. Failed degrees, two failed arranged marriages, parents who do not seem to be proud of me.
I have a girlfriend, but she has her own problems too; her parents are having problems (her dad is having an affair). She is nice, but moody; I try to help, but it is just so overwhelming.
Yesterday, I was at the mourning for two of the victims of the MH17 incident; all I could think was I wish that I was one of them...
I wish that I had committed suicide back in 2003; it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I wish that I could just die; I just have nothing to live for.
I'll probably try again tonight ...
IWTD
How I wish I had just committed suicide that night. I would not have to go through the things that I have been through. Failed degrees, two failed arranged marriages, parents who do not seem to be proud of me.
I have a girlfriend, but she has her own problems too; her parents are having problems (her dad is having an affair). She is nice, but moody; I try to help, but it is just so overwhelming.
Yesterday, I was at the mourning for two of the victims of the MH17 incident; all I could think was I wish that I was one of them...
I wish that I had committed suicide back in 2003; it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I wish that I could just die; I just have nothing to live for.
I'll probably try again tonight ...
IWTD
I have attempted suicide 4 timea but everytime i seem to survive it a long time had passed since i had those thoughts again but now im having them again but im trying to fight them because i have realized that i have had good days and maybe i will have them in the futur but the misery i am in now is so overwhelming that its all i think about
About 4 back in 2008, then 2 just recently (August 2014). All very spontaneous, not planned in advance. At the end of 2008 I believed I would never even consider it again, but then I had a bad breakup with a guy I'd dated for just a few months and I kind of think that I just reached for the best way I knew to escape the pain and the situation. I'd never blame another person for my own actions, but I also don't think it's a coincidence that this guy had already had two serious long term relationships with women who attempted suicide as well. That's a little strange.
I have had several attempts.
Once when I was 5.
Once when I was 8.
Once when I was 11.
Once when I was 13.
And once when I was 31.
From 13 to 31 I had suicidal thoughts regularly but didn't act on them. I was a cutter until I got into college, then friends and change and everything distracted me from my feelings. I did develop exercise anorexia at that time. I did really well from 24 - 29 (first met my husband and was a newly wed.) After that mentally I have gone downhill even though my life is quite good.
Once when I was 5.
Once when I was 8.
Once when I was 11.
Once when I was 13.
And once when I was 31.
From 13 to 31 I had suicidal thoughts regularly but didn't act on them. I was a cutter until I got into college, then friends and change and everything distracted me from my feelings. I did develop exercise anorexia at that time. I did really well from 24 - 29 (first met my husband and was a newly wed.) After that mentally I have gone downhill even though my life is quite good.
Tried it 4 times in October 3 failed overdoses. I slit my wrist which ended up with a trip to the hospital & a chat with someone from the psychiatric hospital. I avoid giving him much details about why I did it & the thoughts/voices so i didn't have to stay in the hospital over night or longer.
I wanted to see my old therpist who knows me quite well but the doctors won't refer me to her. They wanted me to go to counselling which I went to but I don't want to explain everything to someone new, the doctors won't put me on meds even though I was on them before they don't seem to give a shit.
I wanted to see my old therpist who knows me quite well but the doctors won't refer me to her. They wanted me to go to counselling which I went to but I don't want to explain everything to someone new, the doctors won't put me on meds even though I was on them before they don't seem to give a shit.
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It's been a while, so I can't remember. Maybe 6?
But I hate fucking waking up, sitting on the side of the bed before I even get dressed and thinking, Why I don't I just kill myself today, right fucking now? I mean I have no fucking reason to now. I used to, when my life was shit and I was crazy as a loon. Life is great now. Girl friend who loves me, volunteering at hospice and the VA... Nice house, nice car... People who love me. So why do I have to hear that shit? I'm just tired of it. Really DON'T want to go back to my long term (8 years) therapist. Been gone too long. Ya can't go back. I'm glad to find this place. I just need to vent. It's not something I can just say to my neighbor, Hey, I thought about killing myself again this morning. How was your day?
But I hate fucking waking up, sitting on the side of the bed before I even get dressed and thinking, Why I don't I just kill myself today, right fucking now? I mean I have no fucking reason to now. I used to, when my life was shit and I was crazy as a loon. Life is great now. Girl friend who loves me, volunteering at hospice and the VA... Nice house, nice car... People who love me. So why do I have to hear that shit? I'm just tired of it. Really DON'T want to go back to my long term (8 years) therapist. Been gone too long. Ya can't go back. I'm glad to find this place. I just need to vent. It's not something I can just say to my neighbor, Hey, I thought about killing myself again this morning. How was your day?
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