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How should I deal with this issue ?

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I expect myself to do some simple things a day, everyday, but I don't ever do them. When I attempt to I just can't. An example of this is to read some books, but if I continue to read then i'll start feeling depressed and want to do other things... when I want to do other things I get disappointed in myself for not doing the tasks I expected myself to do. If I don't do what I expect to then I feel even worse and hate myself for not doing simple tasks but if I do them then I feel depressed for not having enough "free time" to relax and do other things. I don't believe i'll ever get rid of the mindset of expecting myself to do more so is there a way I can diminish the negative emotions I get when doing the tasks? I've tried balancing out how much I do each day but it never really helps much. Its an odd question, but it continues to stress me out and I have yet to find a decent solution to my problem.


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Hey Gray, it's nice to meet you. My name is Luoma. I'd firstly like to welcome you to the forums and to SF in general.

Next, I just want to say I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. The truth of the matter is that a lot of the time, mental illness can get in the way of doing the things we want to do. Whether it's important stuff like school and chores, or not so important stuff like moving boxes or other small tasks, mental illness can take any activity and make it as hard as scaling the highest mountains. However, like the highest mountains in real life, we do not expect to overcome them in one simple step. It takes a lot of work and sometimes it is very difficult, though the end goal can ultimately be achieved. It is natural for us, as humans, to wish to accomplish things and to want to get stuff done. But I want you to remember that if you're sick, either physically or mentally, you cannot expect yourself to do absolutely everything during the day without having any tiring thoughts. It just sometimes isn't possible. You have to be kinder to yourself and let yourself know that it's not laziness that drives you to not do these chores, but rather, mental illnesses, and you should remind yourself that.

Getting therapy and medication, for a start, is the best way that you can fight out the negative emotions. I also want to really look at what you tell yourselves while doing these tasks. When you have a dark thought or question in your mind, question it back. For example: "If I keep doing this, I won't have free time." Reply: There is always time to do things, whether it be today or tomorrow. "I can't do this." Reply: I am trying by best and will keep trying, I know my body can do this. "Do I have to really do this?" Reply: Yes, and so does everyone else. This is life. The sooner I finish, the sooner I can have free time.

It's all about balance, but not balance as in half and half. Balance as in for x amount of time doing chores, I do y amount of thing cleaning. It's about recharging your batteries. A few chores might really drain you and you might need to do more relaxation to get your mind back into a more stable place.

Also, not sure if you were specifically speaking about chores, but just letting you know that if reading books makes you depressed, just don't do it. Do things that make you happy. And as I said before, remind yourself that your mental state can be a huge roadblock as to how willing you are to do things. Some days I am so depressed I don't even want to get out of bed. So it's all about how your brain works.

I'd suggest speaking to a professional; they can really equip you with tools to fight the whole 'not wanting to do anything' thing.

Best of luck to you!


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I feel like I need some of these answers on copy and paste recently cause I keep shelling out the same ideas over and over all of a sudden haha
So hey, this is what works for ME but I'm sure others will come along and post some things that work for them too.
This is how I play it. Lets say the task is clean the kitchen. I agree with myself that I'll do it for a limited time OR limited part of the task. So for the kitchen I would say "I'll do the dishes" and then when I'm done with that if I don't feel like finishing the kitchen then I just blow it off till later. If I do feel good enough to go on then I go for it.
Go to the gym: I'm gonna get dressed and drive over there and do something for .. 10 or 15 minutes. If I'm not feeling it then I'll come back home.
Mow the lawn: Grag butt from couch, switch shoes, put on shorts, drag all the crap out and stand there glaring at the mower. Try to make it drive itself around the yard by mental magic. If that doesn't work then just mow the god damn thing. If it hasn't worked and I don't want to do it then I'll put it all back in the garage.
You get the idea. The examples you cite aren't typical for what people are asking about. It's usually cleaning, homework, projects, work, etc. not reading or leisure so I don't know if this helps you at all.


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Hi @Gray Hudson first I also welcome you to SF. I know exactly what you mean as I often do the same thing and somehow the day has disappeared and I haven't done what I had intended to do especially with trying to balance the needed to do with the wanted to do... I'm struggling with this as we speak and one thing I'm finding that seems to work is that I try to set just 3 goals for the day -- depending on the day 2 of the goals could be needed to do (e.g. chores, work) and 1 for wanted to do (read a chapter in a book) or reverse it to 1 needed to do and 2 wanted to do if that makes any sense. There's also a goals thread here on SF that you might find helpful as well. So glad that you found SF as here you will find incredible individuals who can offer advice, support and encouragement. Sending you good thoughts.
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