I am afraid my brain isn't enough to help me become a productive human.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Cananybodyhearme, Apr 10, 2016.

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  1. ....
    I am ... not pretty either.

    Poor.

    Pathetic..., LOL.
    Where to begin...?
     
  2. Pathetic. Easy to say, but I don't know how to face this reality. I start doing babycrying. I am afraid to live this life. I am so bad. I am so sad. Kill me, anybody.
     
  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey there, welcome to the forum.
     
  4. April, 10th 2016

    I made my single parent crying (over and over again).

    I just spent too much money to go doing interview in another island. But I ended up failing. Money has gone, I still have no job. I am already 25 years old and still living with my poor single parent. I am single, I wish there will be any man who'll take me as his wife. I just don't want to be problem for my mother. I've been too old.
    Another thing in my mind is... if I can't find any way to get a job, I have to just leave. I guess, I'll commit suicide.

    Last night, I saw my parent cried for me. I hate my self.

    Day 1 after that:
    I found this site, I wrote this... just to make me feel better. I still have no idea what to do. I'm still crying. I'm still pathetic. I tried to study a hardskill, but my brain sucks. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. LOL
     
  5. Hi.... Sorry for my negative words.
     
  6. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Does your single parent want you to move out?
     
  7. I don't really know, all I know I disappoint her. If I keep living with her, she'll be ashamed for having a daughter like me. Beside that, she still has two other daughters who still study in college. And I guess, her money will worth more if it's spent to them. Oh man, I don't know why I was born. So weak and dependent.
     
  8. I have no future. I kill my parent's hope to make me a useful person after graduating. I'm so stupid.
     
  9. And I'm afraid to keep living now....
     
  10. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Well there's still a possibility of getting a job, I'm sure your parent would rather have you around than have you hurt yourself. I understand that things can look a little bad from time to time, but it can get better. Maybe apologize to them for making them cry, I'm sure they'll forgive you.
     
  11. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    What exactly is making you afraid of living right now?
     
  12. Thanks, Brian.... Glad to know somebody 'hears' me here.
    I hope you'll always have a good life.
    Nice to meet you here.
     
  13. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Nice to meet you too. Do you suffer from depression ?
     
  14. Maybe.... I feel hopeless. I lost my self confidence after getting through too many failures in seeking job. I'm sad seeing my parent regrets her hard work to educate me until I graduate from university. I'm so stupid.

    I'm not strong enough to live just disappointing her forever. I don't know what exactly I am capable to do. I hate my self so much. Really.
     
  15. Update:

    April, 11th 2016 at 03:10 PM in my hometown.

    I just woke up and felt better. I don't know how long it'll be, but since I am in good mood, I try to make program to fix my life:
    1. Start doing healthy lifestyle (clean food, exercise regularly, trying my best to socialize)
    2. Learning (it will be really hard, though) to learn skills needed for seeking job.
    3. Learning woman's skills (uh..., it's ashaming).

    I hope I can stick to this program a little bit longer, till I finally get job, till my life gets better.
    I hope....
     
  16. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi, and welcome to the forum.

    Firstly I want to wish you good luck with your new routine, it sounds like something that could really help you!


    I'm sure your parent isn't ashamed of you, it sounds like it's your own brain talking there... however, it's a hard thing to deal with regardless. Do you have anyone you can talk to about those things? What about a professional? Do you think you would benefit from counseling?
    The thing is, it's difficult to search for work and love if you don't feel good about yourself. But it is possible to get there. Sometimes a little help is needed though.

    Be kind to yourself, and know that I support your program fully!
     
  17. Actually I can't keep it on my own. I lose my mind and I keep telling my problems to my random friends. I know they confused why I talked about my personal life to them. It was embarassing and they didn't really care. I understand. I just can't keep it alone, itmade my brain almost bursted out.

    I guess I need to talk with professional.... But you know, I need my mother's money to do that noe. Maybe I really need to find job first before anything else....
     
  18. Update:
    April, 12th 2016 at 03:25 pm

    I was just crying since this morning. But now, i start being in good mood. I start to think about keep searchibg job instead of just waiting at home. I know I still need to train skill, but being at home all day long will just bring me to deeper depression. Wish me luck..., whoever.
     
  19. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Good luck! This is exactly the right attitude. Sitting at home all day isn't good for anyone - being productive and having routine is really good for mental health. I would be a mess if it was not for my job. Very well done for having a great attitude! :)
     
  20. lost81

    lost81 Staff Alumni

    I was in that pit for over 5 years. Felt worthless, suicidal most days, never opened curtains and sat in dark and never took care of myself. Getting a job and some retinue changed things dramatically for me though and gave me back a lot of confidence. Went from being so self conscious about everything to point just walking to shops for some milk was like climbing a mountain to calmness (and its a bit scary as its like been given a new brain lol). Get that skill and get that job/retinue and show yourself you can do it.
     
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