okay, it is really hard for me to say so i thought typing it out would help... I hate my life. not in an angsty teen way, i just don't really feel like i want to be around anymore. i have made so many lists trying to find positives in my life and reasons to not try to end everything...but i can only think of two things that keeps me going which are my friends and some family members. The only reason i haven't tried to kill myself yet is because i saw what suicide did to my family when i was little and my uncle did it. I love my friends too much, so much that i am putting their well being over my own. I am not contributing anything to anything, the littlest of tasks stresses me out, i cry when i am asked to talk to people i don't know/talk in class. especially in school i can't seem to handle anything that comes my way and put it off which then becomes more and more stressful when it piles up and i get scolded my school guidence counciler told me to ''get over it''. Plus I have a mental illness and it really doesn't help anything. I just don't know, i can laugh and cry and feel happy and sad...but i can't seem to make them last. my feelings get lost and a lot of the time i am an empty shell. i have tried talking to a psychotherapist but that woman somehow made it worse. i have tried talking to my parents but they seem to think that whenever i see something that scares me that i'm trying to get out of something or say that ''it's too convenient'' or even ''i can't/ don't want to deal with this right now''. if it wasn't for my friends and those few family members i would have done it years ago. I just need to know i'm not the only one that feels this way. i need to know if there is a way for me to be happy. because right now i don't see anything.