suicidal thougths

okay, it is really hard for me to say so i thought typing it out would help... I hate my life. not in an angsty teen way, i just don't really feel like i want to be around anymore. i have made so many lists trying to find positives in my life and reasons to not try to end everything...but i can...

I don't know where to go in order to not cry or feel bad. Inside my house I am sad but when I walk around outside to try and clear my mind I still keep crying. I'm worried I might start being seen as the crazy person who always walks around for hours crying. I wish I had more to occupy my time...

I am new here and just needed somewhere to write my feelings where I wouldn't be judged. Tears keep falling out of my eyes. I know I am not going to do anything and I don't want to but the thought is there and it hurts so badly. Just hoping that when I wake up tomorrow the feeling will go away...

I'd like to unload a bit, if that's okay. I'm about 2.5 years into a depression that feels like it's just taken over my life. It sucks to put it mildly. I'm nearing my 40's and on the outside, have a good thing going on. Married with 2 kids, nice house, good job etc etc. It's on the...