I don't know how much more simply I can put this. I just realized that I really don't like myself. I indulge in a string of terrible self harm behaviors, but I didn't realize that I was truly disgusted with myself until about 20 minutes ago. I'm empty and don't have anymore to give anyone. Nothing matters. No matter how much I pour into situations I just end up feeling low, used, and worthless to everyone.
You have come to a good place here. All of us have felt that way. I feel that way. But here you are free to be you. Feel free to talk it out and be meet with love and compassion without judgement. SF saved my life.
Read some of our stories, post your own, visit the chat room. Get involved with some of us here. Welcome to my home.
Read some of our stories, post your own, visit the chat room. Get involved with some of us here. Welcome to my home.
Hello @Love4Real and a very warm welcome here. Imagine a very dear friend you care deeply about came to you feeling very sad and told you she felt unworthy and unlikeable and confided indulging in SH. Would you agree with her harsh judgement or would you feel compassion for her suffering and reassure her that she is loved and valuable in herself, regardless of anything she has done or hasnt done? Now imagine that friend is you and accept and embrace yourself with the same loving kindness you would feel for a dear friend who was hurting. Realize your inherent worth as a human being and let go the false, negative, judgemental beliefs about yourself which are only empty thoughts, not objective truths about who/what you really are.
I’m new too but not new to feelings such as yours. I can’t imagine what advice I can give you except what I continue to learn (and sometimes desperately try to remember from my own experiences). First just breathe. Fill yourself with the air in the moment around you and let it fill you with the permission to pause and acknowledge your hurt and fear and anger and self contempt - whatever. Don’t try to “understand” it or rationalize it - just let it go and pass through you. It WILL pass. And then hold yourself (either literally or figuratively) with care and compassion and love. Love yourself even if you find yourself rocking yourself and even if you are weeping. Give yourself permission to hurt and... Sometimes the hurting is the most terrifying because you think it won’t end. It will. It will come back to you in future times but this time will pass and hopefully with each time you can start to build (through whatever you may be doing to take care of yourself) whatever you will need to start healing some very deep wounds you might have.