Almost every night I have horrible nightmares about my past trauma. Either it is of the event, or it is a nightmare of me either being chased, killed or tortured. And I don't know why, but when I wake up, it takes at most a few hours to realize that I am no longer dreaming and am conscious and awake. These dreams have done horrible things to my psyche, and I have a bad paranoia when it comes to other people. I always fear that someone is coming to kill me or beat me, and I get this homicidal urge to kill those who want to kill me.
Last morning, I woke up after a very messed up dream, and couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not. I walked around the house thinking my parents were the people in my dreams trying to kill me. I let my paranoia get the better of me, and I truly wanted to kill them. I feel horrible for it, and I have no idea why these feelings come over me. I don't want to hurt anyone because I was an idiot and got myself molested. If I do end up hurting someone, I would be even worse than the people who did this to me. I don't want to be like them, or worse than them. But, if I honestly want to kill my parents, then maybe I am, and I should just end it before anything bad happens.
Last morning, I woke up after a very messed up dream, and couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not. I walked around the house thinking my parents were the people in my dreams trying to kill me. I let my paranoia get the better of me, and I truly wanted to kill them. I feel horrible for it, and I have no idea why these feelings come over me. I don't want to hurt anyone because I was an idiot and got myself molested. If I do end up hurting someone, I would be even worse than the people who did this to me. I don't want to be like them, or worse than them. But, if I honestly want to kill my parents, then maybe I am, and I should just end it before anything bad happens.
