I'm sick of this LIFE. *trigger* (first post)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Topz, May 12, 2016.

  1. Topz

    Topz Active Member

    I never posted a topic in any forum, but I think, I'm at my limit
    all of the negative things that you can think may you see on me..
    some people deserves honor if they did something good in a community.
    some people deserves a happy/good life if they are born in a right mentality(no mental defects).

    and I think ..
    <mod edit - pro-death>
    I, myself. I tried to change "me" to get away from my depression..
    but I think its doesn't..
    my depression started 5 years ago..
    every year I tried to change myself
    but a day by day.. it is slowly going back..
    and after the new year I will try to change..
    it repeats it self. I feel tired now..

    6 years ago my life was like heaven..
    I have many friends.. (not boasting)
    my loved one is with me.. (not boasting)
    In my school, I am on top 3 students... (not boasting)
    my mentality and thinking is really active.. (not boasting)
    Right now..
    I'm like a robot.. My thinking is so slow.. And slow response..
    my looks like twice at my age..
    my mentality is like sh*t.
    Its really sucks... and I feel tired of my life.. feeling sh*t everyday..
    and thats why I posted this quote..
    <mod edit - pro death>
    I may not be lasts in a month..
    because in next month my school's enrollment will start.
    and I don't want my family wastes money on me..
    I just want to be gone.. the feeling that before I am not born yet..
    I'm sorry for my english and
    I'm sorry for those who read my post makes them sad..
    I hope you understand what I want to say..

    btw thank you for reading my post :).
    have a nice day and have a nice future ! :D
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2016
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your depression is hitting you bad at this time but depression is a cycle it is so if you are feeling very low now then you will start feeling better soon Your parents want to help you so let them ok talk to them and get the support you need to get through the darkness and back into living again It can be done you know that you will have better days so don't give up ok
    MisterBGone likes this.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    If you hate your life....what can you change about it? Death isn't a solution.

    Mental exhaustion happens. People get burnt out
    Unknown_111 likes this.
  4. Topz

    Topz Active Member

    yeah maybe its just a cycle.. Thanks for your reply it makes me feel better.. :)
    MisterBGone likes this.
  5. Topz

    Topz Active Member

    Yeah, right.. we are just humans, exhaustion happens.. Thanks for your reply :)
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    How are you feeling today @Topz ?

    I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. Have you reached out to the school's counselor or a therapist? Do you have meds for your depression?

    Please don't give up. I know you're going through a rough time, but please do try. There is always a better solution than death, and you do deserve to live.
    MisterBGone likes this.
  7. Topz

    Topz Active Member

    Right now I came back to this site to visit and I can tell I feel better now.

    I think school's counselor will not work.. I just graduated from high school.
    I want to try to go to a therapist but I don't know how..
    I can tell life is really like a roller coaster. You get sad and happy sometimes.
    But mine is just wierd. I am very positive sometimes and I am very negative sometimes.
    I did understand now that I am just mental exhausted. And thanks to this forum that I can dhare my thoughts and feelings. :)