I can't fall asleep. I worry about my decisions, where I am in life, and am upset about how badly people treat me. I can't stop crying. I know there's no God, because I've been crying out and praying for help for years, and nothing. I knew it was going to be nothing, being an atheist, but I don't know why I still have that feeling to pray for help. I have got so desperate to have a better life and for the emotional pain to stop, but that is just foolish thinking. The rational in me vs the emotional is in a war, and the emotional side is winning. I truly am cursed.
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Insomnia? Welcome to Team NoSleep.
- Thread starter FlamingoWrangler
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- Tags insomnia team no sleep
I started staying up at night as a kid because it was the only time when my parents were asleep and weren't fighting and arguing. It was a place of peace for me; it was so quiet. I could finally hear my thoughts, relax, study, and explore. I learned how to move silently throughout the home because I was afraid of waking my parents. As the years went by, my depression, PTSD, anxiety, social anxiety, and self-esteem got worse.
I would lie in bed and ruminate on everything I did that day and cry myself to sleep from hurtful comments from classmates. Then in high school, I found listening to music all night helped keep my thoughts suppressed and activate my maladaptive daydreaming, something I had already done as a kid, but now it was at full blast.
This kept up for years until my nervous breakdown. That year I could only sleep because being awake was too hard. After that, suicidal thoughts came into play and my mental state deteriorated to the point of being barely there. Now I'm here, up all night yet again, crying on and off. The nights used to bring me peace, but now they are just another problem in my life.
I would lie in bed and ruminate on everything I did that day and cry myself to sleep from hurtful comments from classmates. Then in high school, I found listening to music all night helped keep my thoughts suppressed and activate my maladaptive daydreaming, something I had already done as a kid, but now it was at full blast.
This kept up for years until my nervous breakdown. That year I could only sleep because being awake was too hard. After that, suicidal thoughts came into play and my mental state deteriorated to the point of being barely there. Now I'm here, up all night yet again, crying on and off. The nights used to bring me peace, but now they are just another problem in my life.
The last two nights i have stopped taking my amitriptyline. I weaned myself slowly by gradually decreasing my dose . These last two nights have been hell. 3 hour sleep last night. 1 hour this morning. Any tips? I don't want to get back on amitriptyline or anymore meds because they're destroying my memory and liver enzymes and I believe it's causing my high triglycerides. This is hell, I'm sure you all understand
I do know the hell of insomnia and the hell of amitryptiline and benzo withdrawal insomnia. I am currently down from 10mg of ami to 5mg and it's taken 4 months to cut that much.
How much did you jump off from?
I wish I had some tips, but have had brutal insomnia for the last month. First because my pelvic floor is on fire and that kept me awake with the pain, then this last week it's been 30C temperatures and just haven't been able to sleep much at all. It's still marginally better than the total insomnia of acute withdrawal, but you're talking maybe 2 hours a night if lucky.
I hate to say it, but it's probably time that will help if you have jumped off - you will wobble, but it will get better, with time. Otherwise the normal things apply, try not to lie there raging about not sleeping (though this is my worst vice I admit!)
Hope you get some sleep soon.
How much did you jump off from?
I wish I had some tips, but have had brutal insomnia for the last month. First because my pelvic floor is on fire and that kept me awake with the pain, then this last week it's been 30C temperatures and just haven't been able to sleep much at all. It's still marginally better than the total insomnia of acute withdrawal, but you're talking maybe 2 hours a night if lucky.
I hate to say it, but it's probably time that will help if you have jumped off - you will wobble, but it will get better, with time. Otherwise the normal things apply, try not to lie there raging about not sleeping (though this is my worst vice I admit!)
Hope you get some sleep soon.
I'm so sorry it's like that Jezah81. I am probably about to write things you know about, sorry. I've heard people mention titrate down the dosage of a prescribed med, and that apparently it's still very difficult on the body. We've got brains and nervous systems developed a very long time ago, now trying to live in a world that doesn't suit us much if at all. It's no wonder we can't sleep and often feel horrid.
Sorry for repeating stuff I've said before, here's a list I made of things that've helped me:
getting up early every day of the week (sets the inner clock),
hyddrating but with only waater, no sugar or corn syrup,
exercising every day,
eating the best food you can get on a regular schedule,
stopping eating by about 5:30 pm.,
turning sounds and the lights down very low in the home about 8 p.m. (sets the inner clock to 'night')
getting yourself settled down with a shower or a walk so that you have a relatively cool body temperature before going to bed
edited to add I didn't see Avid's post before I wrote this
Sorry for repeating stuff I've said before, here's a list I made of things that've helped me:
getting up early every day of the week (sets the inner clock),
hyddrating but with only waater, no sugar or corn syrup,
exercising every day,
eating the best food you can get on a regular schedule,
stopping eating by about 5:30 pm.,
turning sounds and the lights down very low in the home about 8 p.m. (sets the inner clock to 'night')
getting yourself settled down with a shower or a walk so that you have a relatively cool body temperature before going to bed
edited to add I didn't see Avid's post before I wrote this
That sounds like a brutal tapering regime that would knock me over. Amitryptiline drops can take 2-3 weeks before you stabilise. Yeah, some people can drop off 10mg without issues, other people not so much. Were you under a doctor to do this? Many doctors here in UK would say just jump off 10mg - which would have/did wreck me completely for weeks on end and a lot of GPs have no idea about this kind of thing. Have you heard of hyperbolic tapering? It's a harm reduction method which recognises that the body struggles with these drops - there's a 10 per cent rule, you drop 10 per cent of the LAST dose (not the original) each time. I believe once you get down to 1-2mg of amitriptyline and stabilise, it's then easier to jump off (some people go to extremes and try to keep 10 per cent reductions up until they get to truly miniscule amounts but I'm not sure that's sensible or practical!) My own taper has been really hyperbolic, I started off going from 10mg to 9.5mg and did it even less than 10 per cent sometimes. Halving the 10mg like I tried once, would send me into freefall.
Have you got other symptoms that would suggest you're in ami withdrawal from jumping off? Please note I'm not offering medical advice or suggesting you reinstate - the body can wobble even when you jump off a safe low amount, as suddenly the scaffolding is gone. But if things worsen, and become intolerable, it might be worth considering going back to the last lowest dose and holding there for a while. Or see if you can hold where you are and see if things improve. It's a tough call.
Have you got other symptoms that would suggest you're in ami withdrawal from jumping off? Please note I'm not offering medical advice or suggesting you reinstate - the body can wobble even when you jump off a safe low amount, as suddenly the scaffolding is gone. But if things worsen, and become intolerable, it might be worth considering going back to the last lowest dose and holding there for a while. Or see if you can hold where you are and see if things improve. It's a tough call.
Next time you can't sleep, just try this again 
