Is it worth killing myself over this?

#1
I'm sorry if I had to repost. My question cause I'm really at my lowest now. Just a short brief back story. I met a girl on a social networking app. She offered sex. I asked how old she was and she said she turns 17 next month (legal age is 16). It is however illegal to pay money to a minor for sex below the age of 18. I only found out an hour after we did it. I didn't wear any protection. Stupid me.

So it hasn't been a day gone by where I'm wondering if I should kill myself over this. The fear of getting caught and sent up to 7 years imprisonment is killing me.

After reading articles after articles of men convicted of commercial sex and how they were nabbed that got me thinking that I too will get caught. I was in the wrong. I knew her age but was blind not to read a small portion that stated what I've done was illegal.

Is it worth killing myself over this? I can't live knowing that if i got caught by the cops or she got pregnant or I got some std, I'd have to face my family and friends in shame. I feel truly deeply remorseful for my actions.

It's been 4 days. I don't feel like living anymore. My life is worthless. I'm a useless human being.
 
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Kira

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#2
Is it worth killing myself over this?
Definitely not! You made an honest mistake and you're remorseful about it. That's a very noble thing.

I understand that in your country what happened is illegal but that's no reason to end your life. People do much worse things. I know that doesn't help your guilt but you must learn to forgive yourself. You aren't perfect but no one is.

I don't think that you should fill your mind with worrying about a lot of "what if's". When you do that, it can definitely make you feel suicidal. We never know what's going to happen in the future anyway. I think the chances of the police finding out or her getting pregnant are very, very slim.

Try to use this as a lesson learnt to not do it again. We all make mistakes but as long as you are remorseful and don't do it again, then I think you need to be more kind to yourself. Please don't act on how you feel at the moment based on one wrong decision. Give yourself time to free your mind from the guilt and worry.

I hope you find some peace soon and take good care of yourself. You seem like a good person who made one mistake. :)
 
#4
No, it's not worth killing yourself over. You're not the only one to make the mistake. And, won't be the last. Learn from it and move on. And, as @Kira stated, don't fill your head with what if's because, that will age you beyond your years. It's done, it's over. And, time to move on.
 
#8
@Kira @Were all together @jxdama I'm sorry. I truly am. Im struggling with work where I'm taking more medical leaves than usual. I lost 2kg since and I can't even think of lifting myself off the bed. But reading your comments made me feel better slightly. Turning what ifs to positive things is hard as I suffer from depression previously and recurring tendencies of feeling useless.

Im willing to better myself. That's why I came to this forum to seek help and advice from people. Any advice that you guys can give for the time being? I know my chances are slim but it's the thought of getting caught is what makes me feel like this. Guilt comes after that
 

Nick

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Staff member
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#9
So, it's totally not worth killing yourself over. I get you are very torn up about this. You can't know for sure what will happen. This is a one time deal. The chances anyone is looking for you are very very small. Try to focus on other things. Focus on your job or on other things you need to do. Learn from your mistake. That's all any of us can do. Many of us have made mistakes. Many of us have made mistakes that hold possible legal ramifications. Learn and try to work past it. If it makes you feel better, maybe find a charity that helps underage girls live a different life and donate or help them in some way.
 

Kira

✮.·.☆ Gelfling ☆.·.✮
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
You said that it's been 4 days so it's still very fresh and raw which is why it's eating away at you so much. I know it's difficult but I believe that time is probably the only thing that will make it better. The first few days/ week are the scariest.

Just take it one moment at a time. Try to focus on the here and now instead of an uncertain future. That's all you have control over.
 
#11
I
So, it's totally not worth killing yourself over. I get you are very torn up about this. You can't know for sure what will happen. This is a one time deal. The chances anyone is looking for you are very very small. Try to focus on other things. Focus on your job or on other things you need to do. Learn from your mistake. That's all any of us can do. Many of us have made mistakes. Many of us have made mistakes that hold possible legal ramifications. Learn and try to work past it. If it makes you feel better, maybe find a charity that helps underage girls live a different life and donate or help them in some way.
ll try to keep up with myself. Is so depressing to do anything. I don't enjoy playing my video games, listening to music or even do things that I usually do like exercise. I'm taking a break from all those and lying in bed just to feel better
 
#12
You said that it's been 4 days so it's still very fresh and raw which is why it's eating away at you so much. I know it's difficult but I believe that time is probably the only thing that will make it better. The first few days/ week are the scariest.

Just take it one moment at a time. Try to focus on the here and now instead of an uncertain future. That's all you have control over.
I'll try. I feel so blue and emo. I hardly talked to my friends and families. It's becoming more and more depressing. I hope ill be able to survive through this. Its lesson I've learned not to play with. I guess only time will tell if Im every going to get caught or maybe even never
 

MosesY

Well-Known Member
#13
Keep in ind that your mind is not functioning like a "normal" person. You are different, a unique person. As such you have a lot to offer to the world. A lot of men have done the same thing as you have and they don't care about it and will do it again. You are unique in that you learned from your mistake and won't do it again. You are an exceptional person. First of all I will give you a breathing exercise to calm you down when you get stressed out; 1) breath in through your nose to the count of four 2) hold breath to the count of seven 3) blow out forcefully through your mouth to the count of eight. Repeat this cycle twice and as you get used to it repeat 3-4 times. Do this whenever you get stressed out about your mistake. Second of all you need to forgive her for tricking you into doing this. There is no doubt she knew it was illegal and did it anyway. Also for her agreeing to sex without a condom; that was as much her fault as yours. Third you need to forgive yourself. Realize that people make mistakes and men especially when it comes to sex make mistakes. It is obvious from your concern over this that you have a soft heart, you are a decent person. You are not a rapist, a child molester, or a murderer. Fourth you need to grow mentally from this mistake, learn from it. Learn to think with your brain before making a decision. You have a soft heart, you are a decent person, and you can build on that.
 

Auri

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#14
No, it is not worth killing yourself over this. I understand your regrets, but you seem to have understood your lesson, and as long as you be more careful in the future (like, condoms, always ;) She was underage, you were the adult.), you need to forgive yourself and move on. No need to think about worse scenarios unless there is a reason for it.

My life is worthless. I'm a useless human being.
You aren't worthless or useless. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. There is no such thing as a person who's always done the right thing in every situation. What makes you a good person is that you can take a step back and question your mistakes, and learn from them. What the future brings lies in your hands. And your will to better yourself is the only thing that matters. Sending lots of love and hugs your way. Hope to see you around.
 
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#15
Keep in ind that your mind is not functioning like a "normal" person. You are different, a unique person. As such you have a lot to offer to the world. A lot of men have done the same thing as you have and they don't care about it and will do it again. You are unique in that you learned from your mistake and won't do it again. You are an exceptional person. First of all I will give you a breathing exercise to calm you down when you get stressed out; 1) breath in through your nose to the count of four 2) hold breath to the count of seven 3) blow out forcefully through your mouth to the count of eight. Repeat this cycle twice and as you get used to it repeat 3-4 times. Do this whenever you get stressed out about your mistake. Second of all you need to forgive her for tricking you into doing this. There is no doubt she knew it was illegal and did it anyway. Also for her agreeing to sex without a condom; that was as much her fault as yours. Third you need to forgive yourself. Realize that people make mistakes and men especially when it comes to sex make mistakes. It is obvious from your concern over this that you have a soft heart, you are a decent person. You are not a rapist, a child molester, or a murderer. Fourth you need to grow mentally from this mistake, learn from it. Learn to think with your brain before making a decision. You have a soft heart, you are a decent person, and you can build on that.
I'm crying just from reading this. I can be better than this. I want to learn from mistakes. I have the will to do something about instead of loathing around like an idiot thinking of the inevitable. I'll try to relate it to someone who knows hes going to die in a month, instead of sitting on his ass waiting for it to go, he chooses to enjoy every single moment in life before he dies. I think I should use this same analogy. Live everyday regardless of what may happen tomorrow. Don't think about the future but that one moment in time which is right here, right now.
 
#17
No, it is not worth killing yourself over this. I understand your regrets, but you seem to have understood your lesson, and as long as you be more careful in the future (like, condoms, always ;) She was underage, you were the adult.), you need to forgive yourself and move on. No need to think about worse scenarios unless there is a reason for it.



You aren't worthless or useless. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. There is no such thing as a person who's always done the right thing in every situation. What makes you a good person is that you can take a step back and question your mistakes, and learn from them. What the future brings lies in your hands. And your will to better yourself is the only thing that matters. Sending lots of love and hugs your way. Hope to see you around.
I think at this point of time, I'm abstaining myself from sex and anything to do with women so that I can enjoy my life while hopefully I still can. Gradually learn from the mistakes I made. If the inevitable comes where the cops come knocking on my door then at least I lived a life in that moment. And who knows, if I got out prison, I'll be a changed man. Regardless of pay or not being able to get a job as a classified sexual predator, I could be doing something, just something as long as I don't give up
 

Auri

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#18
I think at this point of time, I'm abstaining myself from sex and anything to do with women so that I can enjoy my life while hopefully I still can. Gradually learn from the mistakes I made. If the inevitable comes where the cops come knocking on my door then at least I lived a life in that moment. And who knows, if I got out prison, I'll be a changed man. Regardless of pay or not being able to get a job as a classified sexual predator, I could be doing something, just something as long as I don't give up
Oki. But don't overthink this too much ;) You can already be a changed man because you learned something.
 
#19
Oki. But don't overthink this too much ;) You can already be a changed man because you learned something.
Yes. I think I shouldn't indulge on the what ifs but how can I instead. I should occupy myself with something so that I can slowly forget about it. Though getting near any women would still give me nightmares so I'll just leave it as that
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#20
*hug for you. You have learned from this mistake, that is all that matters at this stage.

I didn't think i'd say this here but here goes nothing, men have done A LOT worse to me, a loooot worse and he was not even convicted even though i reported it. I was only 12 when it happened, yeah, he raped and molested me and now i have post traumatic stress disorder from the incident. It sucks but the only way is forward. I have to move on and not let it affect me.

I thin you need to try and relax and let this issue pass, we're here for you no matter what. *hug
 

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