It's pretty much going downhill while also looking somewhat bright.

Paint

Public Access
#1
I havent been here for a long time now, two years i think, but here i am, hello


I got started a new school in 2020, just as covid really hit which wasnt really nice if i am honest, but my classmates and the school are pretty nice in my opinion, but verry stressfull. As one of 4 guys in a classroom with 21 girls, its odly relaxing because everyone accepts who you are, how you look, etc which is awesome dont get me wrong, but its verry hard to open up to people and to make friends without people going immediatly "ooh ma god they are dating" which is not that nice, but mostly just annoying. Idno where i am going with this, ever since i started Therapy, proper Therapy with a psychotherapist and everything (i dont know the english word for them, but we call them "Psychotherapeuten" in austria) my mental health has been going downhill, quite fast i think, lots of sleepless nights, awake from 5 am till 5 am the next morning and then having todo that again cause some teachers get really pissy if u snooze off in class. And even tho, i have friends who support me, a hobby that makes me go outside and do exercise and meet new people and to sociolize, even with all of those i still feel like fucking shit (i hope swearing is allowed, if not i am going to edit this post as soon as i can), i picked up smoking due to the stress from school, down energy drinks just to stay awake a few more hours because i am scared togo to sleep. I've been having bad thoughts, even suicidal, but on the surface my life seems verry good. A supportive family and friends, kinda good grades, a hobby, sports, etc. But i feel sad, alone and just want silence and peace, to be left alone so i can sleep without nightmares. I broke my phone purposefully just so i dont get called or exted, because it was just.. so loud. I am not used to having friends, to having to sociolize and keep a good appierence. Each day i wear a mask that has more cracks each day and i fear it might shatter soon and ill be back in that hole back in 2019 with no friends and sociallife, i hate this, this shitty Covid Pandemic, the utter disaster of it, how governments are handling it etc. Another thing that has crept up on me, i cant remember shit from my childhood, like events, certain people, shows, what i did, etc, just nothing, empty, nada, nichts. Barely any memories and its alienating, because people constantly talk about shows or things they did as children and i just play along and make up stuff since i barely remember anything, its shit, i am sorry.

I think, with all of this, i am just scared and scared to share it with others because i fear, if i do share ill push them away and they'll see the real me, a sad depressed nerd who is shit at talking and just wants peace even tho he enjoys going out, or doing sports etc which to most people i think, doesnt make sense...

i know this post jumped from one thing to another, but i dont know how else to say it, i am sorry.

I am sorry for the long post... alot has happened in 2 years...

(If this is the wrong thread for this type of rant, i am sorry and ill move it to the correct one as soon as i can.)
 

Paint

Public Access
#3
Hello Paint :)

Please don't worry, it's ok to make posts as long as you'd like.

Do you think there's a way to make your studies compatible with having good mental health, or are they mutually exclusive?
Hi,
Well i dont know to bei honest, i dont want them to be mutually exclusive, but i dont know how to make them compatible. We got / had weekly exams starting late october ending next week...
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#4
Hi @Paint. Covid has been so hard on everyone. Also, don't worry about long posts, it makes sense, you have alot going on.

Have you been getting any sleep?
 
#9
I think most schools will cut you some slack if you have a temporary crisis or illness. This sounds like it's a long-term problem, but you may be able to take a little time off to re-evaluate whether you want to continue with the program.

Beyond the program itself, there's also the question of what your day-to-day life would be like working in this field. If the stress level would be the same, it sounds like it would be unsustainable.

Are there counselors at your school who could advise you? Is there anything that you could cut out of your schedule to give you more time to sleep?

ever since i started Therapy, proper Therapy with a psychotherapist and everything (i dont know the english word for them, but we call them "Psychotherapeuten" in austria) my mental health has been going downhill, quite fast i think
If things have gotten worse since you started psychotherapy, you might want to either stop it, or stop going to school. Psychotherapy may be pushing you to bring up things that are difficult to deal with, and you may not be ready to do that and go to school at the same time.
But i feel sad, alone and just want silence and peace, to be left alone so i can sleep without nightmares.
Have you always had nightmares, or have they just started recently?
 
Last edited:

Paint

Public Access
#11
I think most schools will cut you some slack if you have a temporary crisis or illness. This sounds like it's a long-term problem, but you may be able to take a little time off to re-evaluate whether you want to continue with the program.

Beyond the program itself, there's also the question of what your day-to-day life would be like working in this field. If the stress level would be the same, it sounds like it would be unsustainable.

Are there counselors at your school who could advise you? Is there anything that you could cut out of your schedule to give you more time to sleep?


If things have gotten worse since you started psychotherapy, you might want to either stop it, or stop going to school. Psychotherapy may be pushing you to bring up things that are difficult to deal with, and you may not be ready to do that and go to school at the same time.

Have you always had nightmares, or have they just started recently?
With the school, i'll Talk to my teacher about taking a day or two Off, the programm itself isnt that hard and stressfull, but the extra classes we have todo Like spanish and history are just pain, because of the teachers. But we so have alot of exams..

Sadly, the only counsler at our school quit La
last year, so atm we dont have one





I'll Bring it up to my therapist the next time I'll der her, i think U are right tho.




I've had them since i was 12y old, in and off mostly, they started comming back when i started therapy, as it brought old fears and memories to the top again.
 
#12
I've had them since i was 12y old, in and off mostly, they started comming back when i started therapy, as it brought old fears and memories to the top again.
That's awful, I'm sorry you've had them for so long.

There's some information in these two links that might be helpful:

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous

I definitely think that acupressure self-massage, acupuncture, and Chinese herbal medicine might help. Including rice and rosemary in your diet, or maybe using rosemary essential oil in a diffuser might help too.

Some folks here have reported that a blood pressure drug called prazosin can help treat nightmares, but many doctors are reluctant to prescribe this because it is an off-label use of the drug. Certain anti-depressants might be helpful, some more than others.
 

Paint

Public Access
#13
That's awful, I'm sorry you've had them for so long.

There's some information in these two links that might be helpful:

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous

I definitely think that acupressure self-massage, acupuncture, and Chinese herbal medicine might help. Including rice and rosemary in your diet, or maybe using rosemary essential oil in a diffuser might help too.

Some folks here have reported that a blood pressure drug called prazosin can help treat nightmares, but many doctors are reluctant to prescribe this because it is an off-label use of the drug. Certain anti-depressants might be helpful, some more than others.

Thank you verry much for the Info, i'll try to add rice and rosemary to my diet, which shouldnt be a problem i think.

With meds, i am unsure. I wouldnt Like to take antidepressents just yet, cause of the sideeffects, but we'll see, depending how bad it gets, they might be the only option i think.


And thank you again for the Info and Tips, i highly appriciate it.
 

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