Just need some advice. Please.

[MxsticMagix]

So. I kinda feel stupid writing this, like somebody is actually going to take an interest in helping me, but here I go anyway. Lets start with my life. I live a pretty good life actually. I'm part of a loving Christian family. The thing is, they're all homophobic. Every single person around me is homophobic to some degree. And I am bisexual. Of course, I'm not out yet, I can't exactly come out when even my best friend says she hates gays. But this post isn't about me.
I needed a place to get away, to talk to people like me. So, I secretly created this fan account on Instagram. It started off small, slowly got bigger. And I met the most amazing people. But this one person in particular caught my interest. Let's call him C. Now, C's got it a lot worse. He's extremely depressed and suicidal, self-harming every other night and only sleeping when he passes out, late in the night. Only eating when he absolutely has to. He's slowly killing himself. He's attempted suicide three times, maybe more, since I met him. I don't know how to help. I talk to him, and I try so hard to get him to tell me things. I try so hard to get him to let me inside. I can't just let him die. I feel so useless, though. I don't know what to do to help. He lives nowhere near me, I can't talk to my parents because I met him against their wishes. They think all people on the internet are evil. Stupidly, I told my best friend. At first everything was fine, but her mom found out a few days ago, but all she knows is that I have a suicidal friend, she doesn't know that this friend lives in Canada four and a half hours ahead of me. I think she's gonna tell my mom, and I don't know what I'm gonna say. I cannot lose this connection with C, because if I do leave the account he's gonna think it's all his fault. And now I've lost touch with my real life best friend because I'm afraid to get her in trouble like I almost did last time. I have nobody. I don't know what to do.
I guess what I'm asking is what to do, what to say to fix this, to keep from having to leave C. Thanks to all of you who read this to the end, though I doubt a single person did. I'm pretty much just ranting about my problems anyway.

 

[dtc]

Sounds like you've found yourself in a pretty confusing place @MxsticMagix , so it's great that you've found these forums as this isn't something you need to deal with alone. I've found nothing but caring, supportive people on here who are always willing to listen, and if they've experienced something similar, will only be too willing to let you know what's worked for them.

This is a safe, nonjudgmental place so please feel free to open up as much as you are comfortable doing, you can rant as much as you like here.

So what do you think your parents reaction will be? If they want you to break contact could you tell them you're the only support this person currently has, and as a good Christian your faith dictates that you don't let this person down? Apologies if the using their faith part sounds really sarcastic, it wasn't meant to but I just have no idea how being a Christian would justify you needing to support someone but I'm sure if you spin it right there must be some way to frame it.

You shouldn’t lose touch with your best friend, completely understand you not wanting to get them in trouble, so maybe just avoid this topic with them, you’ve got plenty of people here to talk to about it and some who will have had some real experience in handling this sort of thing.

Hang in there, you must be a really wonderful person to have taken such a protective interest in C, and with the support of people here I’m sure you’ll get through it in one piece.

As for you and coming out to your parents, there’s a LGBTQIA forum here that I’m sure will have lots of helpful advice for you when you’re ready to head down that path.

Take care

 

[MxsticMagix]

Sounds like you've found yourself in a pretty confusing place @MxsticMagix , so it's great that you've found these forums as this isn't something you need to deal with alone. I've found nothing but caring, supportive people on here who are always willing to listen, and if they've experienced something similar, will only be too willing to let you know what's worked for them.

This is a safe, nonjudgmental place so please feel free to open up as much as you are comfortable doing, you can rant as much as you like here.

So what do you think your parents reaction will be? If they want you to break contact could you tell them you're the only support this person currently has, and as a good Christian your faith dictates that you don't let this person down? Apologies if the using their faith part sounds really sarcastic, it wasn't meant to but I just have no idea how being a Christian would justify you needing to support someone but I'm sure if you spin it right there must be some way to frame it.

You shouldn’t lose touch with your best friend, completely understand you not wanting to get them in trouble, so maybe just avoid this topic with them, you’ve got plenty of people here to talk to about it and some who will have had some real experience in handling this sort of thing.

Hang in there, you must be a really wonderful person to have taken such a protective interest in C, and with the support of people here I’m sure you’ll get through it in one piece.

As for you and coming out to your parents, there’s a LGBTQIA forum here that I’m sure will have lots of helpful advice for you when you’re ready to head down that path.

Take care

Thanks for reading the whole thing, I'm surprised someone would. I really appreciate the advice, and that you're actually taking the time to talk to me. I'm very glad I found this site, and that I have the chance to actually rant about things without getting in trouble, or lectured.

I'm not sure how my parents will react when, and if, I finally tell them about anything. I'm not sure how I'm going to phrase anything. And I doubt I'll be able to find a verse or something that they won't find some way around. They've done it before, when that lectured me on gay stuff. They seem to think the LGBT+ people should be pitied, and that there's something wrong with them. It hurts to hear them talk about that.

And with C, I doubt they'll take it well. Even if I'm doing something I think is right, they'll still take everything away I could've possibly contacted him on. I have gone against specific rules. And if I tell them the reasons why I've done what I've done they'll just be angrier. It's hard to understand why they think that way, that people on the internet are evil. They're quite the opposite. I wish I could just make them understand.

It's hard to continue talking to my best friend when we disagree on things. I trusted her, and while she didn't exactly tell her mom about C, her mom went through her texts and found things. I should never have confused in her, but she was guilt-tripping me. And now it's gotten harder to trust anyone, or get close to anyone.

So maybe that's why I'm pouring my heart out over the internet instead, because the people here don't know me and they don't see me on a daily basis, and they most definitely don't judge for problems like mine. It seems dumb, but I need support from somewhere, and if I'm not going to get it in real life then I'll just have to find it myself.

Anyway, thanks for replying, and reading through this again, if you did. Maybe you got bored with my stupid life troubles.

Thank you.

 

[dtc]

Off topic slightly, but you are being way too hard on yourself over asking for help. Life is a complicated, unpredictable thing and it’s those that don’t ask for help that have the hardest time of it. There’s nothing stupid or boring about what you’re feeling/going through, so no need to put yourself down over it.

Lecture aside, sorry I know you said you came here not to be lectured to but technically it wasn’t the issue you came here for, all I can say is you need to do what feels right to you, and if you’re unsure then throw it up here and see what people think.

I’m pretty sure there’s a faith forum on here also, maybe post what you think might be the right verse to get your point across and see what people there think.

If you’re starting to disagree on things with your friend, maybe that’s a sign you’ve just out grown them, and that happens, it’s no one’s fault, I’m sure you had some great times together, but maybe now it’s time to look for people who are more on the same page as you.

 

[Prussia]

Hey, @MxsticMagix, it seems you have a few good ideas for connecting with others who are in a similar scenario in terms of your best friend, family, and identity.
In terms of helping C, I understand how hard it is everyday on you to do everything you can to help someone from such a huge distance and continue to see them bring themselves down. Props to you for continuing to do your best to help them.

You mentioned that C hasn't been improving despite your help for, it seems, quite some time. Maybe it's as simple as who they are getting support from in their life. While I am sure having such a good friend over distance can be helpful, but they might need someone closer to them to help them too. To be clear, I'm not saying you should stop the good you are doing or that anything you've done hasn't been helpful to C.
I'm saying that who supports them is equally as important as them having that support. Some people need support from an anonymous source to believe it, some from their closest friends, or family, or maybe from an authority figure, or psychiatrist. Everyone is different. I would try asking them something as simple as "who do you need support from the most right now?" and see if you can help them reach out to that person to get an extra helping hand for C.

I hope that helps a little bit, you're in a tough place right now. Good luck and try to keep your spirit up and take care of yourself too. One day it will work out.

 

[may71]

Sorry to hear this. Directing C to this site might be helpful.

As far as what to do about your parents knowing that you have a suicidal friend...that's a little trickier.

I'm not a big fan of lying, but in this case it might be a good idea.

So there is the problem that they might try to cut you off from contact with him. There is also the problem that if they know who he is, they'll also know that you're bi.

One thing to do might be to say that you swore not to tell and try to stand firm on it. Another is to make up somebody who you can claim is the friend.

Hopefully there won't be any confrontation about this, but it might be good to be prepared.

Hope that things can work out.

 

[QuantumLeap]

Heya! How have things gone since you first posted this? Have they been going okay? Has your mother confronted you?
Kindest regards, Cody