LIFE GETS SO MUCH BETTER

[Arwen]

Dear depressed humans on this site,
I just wanted to share an update in my life. I first created my account on SF about over 4 years ago when I was severely depressed and close to suicide. I was overwhelmed by everything, and everyone, and particularly hated myself. I had completely forgotten about this account for years and just remembered about it the other day, and found it so weird to read what I used to post, about how terrible i felt! But now I am feeling SOOOO much better! I honestly can't believe how different I feel now than a few years ago. I consider myself to be recovering from depression now, rather than depressed, and feel 80% of the way back to normal. I am still dealing with the long term issues of depression, like how I now fit into the world, and who I am without being depressed. I'm still on antidepressants but am hoping to come off them soon, as soon as my life is a bit more stable (considering corona).
So to anyone reading this, LIFE DOES GET BETTER. and you will get better, it just takes time.
I am so glad I didn't kill myself and am looking forward to the rest of my life.
Stay strong, and stay positive.
Much love, Arwen xxx

 

[Auri]

This is so good to hear, happy that you're happier nowadays and are looking forward to the rest of your life. I'm not exactly "there" yet, but most days I definitely do believe that life gets better, and I'm personally looking forward to that, too.

 

[Holding my breath]

I’m pleased to hear that you have made it to a better place. One thing that strikes me in what you’ve said is how you are still trying to find out who you are without the depression. This is definitely something that worries me. Depression is so very defining, the thought that I will someday allow myself to feel emotions that I spend so much time and energy suppressing at the moment. It’s difficult to imagine feeling happy or excited when at the moment my best hope is that I feel nothing but calm, staying flatline has become the norm. Having reached a point where the expectation is that I am the one who is depressed, I’ve even gone as far as saying I like the attention that being suicidal brings me, because it’s the only way I get noticed.
I am one of the lucky ones, I have people around me who want me to get better and there is some pressure being out on me to take time off work so I can focus on getting myself into a better place. I wonder what steps you took and whether you noticed your recovery as it happened, or whether it is only now when you look back that you see how far you have come? I just know that my depression is like a friend, wrapped around me and it’s very hard to give it up because it feels safe and I don’t know who I would be without it.
Thank you for sharing and I truly hope your journey continues to be a positive one.

 

[MisterBGone]

I believe that it is a quite common thing for people to become attached to their condition / depression -- as if it were a "friend," or comforting figure with which to prop themselves up, or rely on as a 'crutch,' throughout the given day (as if it somehow makes up for some of our identity, in a way?). . . But what I would like to think, would happen in that scenario for you @Holding my breath - is that this absence of "feeling," the way in which you go about that, or it... is that it would then in turn, or part, be "replaced" by feelings or emotions of more positive substance or higher worth & value. If that makes sense? So, if you begin to feel better -- then on your plate will be a space free for filling up with "good things," so to speak; that might actually go a long way in order to help you feel better about yourself. And ultimately, hopefully, help aid in your "recovery," for lack of a better term. Maybe it's "Pie in the sky?" Or may be NOT- ?

 

[KM76710]

Glad to hear the update and that things are going well for you.