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Loneliness is literally killing me...
- Thread starter painfully
- Start date
There's someone out there for everyone trust me. Give yourself a break. I dont believe someone has one diagnosis or doctors know everything. Mednice is constantly changing and learning. But ill tell you something life that I learned whatever your holding onto you got to let go...not for there sake but for yours. Read books..distract yourself go for walks in a park. Free your mind. Its ok to be human no one's perfect all we can do is learn from our mistakes also life is who you surround yourself with so surround yourself with good people. Postive people.
So... By a miracle a very nice girl messaged me in another site and we talked, and she was very nice and accepting... But as always with me... Nothing is meant to be... We really talked a lot, a call for 8 hours straight... Then texting, then more call... Introverted like me... She says Im nice and handsome... And has seen like 70% of my neediness and clinginess (my neediness is massive) and still shes not scared by that... And that if it was for me, all I would do would be to be together all day, with a monotne life... She said it was ok at first...
She says she still wants to be my friend and cuddle and come see me (we are from different countries)
But ofc Im writing here, cause of fucking course there has to be a but...
She said that there are 2 things about me that are deal breakers for a relationship for her and we talked about it and there is no way around it... I cannot help what I feel, all I can do is control my actions, which is what I offered, that I would do that for her... I dont really want to give details... But still, its a deal breaker for her... And one of the problems was, of course, the monotone life...
She still said we can be friends and talk every day for many hours and would still come and cuddle and all that.. But really, even if its a situation "above" friendzone, maybe friends with benefits, its still a friendzone... And this is supposing that I would be in good mood enough to cuddle or do anything, but since I feel so rejected, it would just be bad...
Best case scenario she would come every few months... And cant do more cause she has to study... She used to visit her ex bf every month, but she wasnt studying back then...
I even thought about moving, which would be a long term plan... But of course, if she doesnt want me, there is no point...
Idk... maybe to someone who reads this sounds stupid because technically Im not "alone"... But if Im rejected in that sense, in some sense, then Im really alone... At some point she would leave me, even if its in the future. At some point she would find a proper partner...
I felt so stupid for thinking I could be wanted and loved... If someone as nice and accepting as her cant want me, there isnt really a point anymore... But its not like I have the strength to keep searching and dealing with the massive pain of loneliness every day...
There is nobody for me... Im just alone and unwanted...
I cannot do this... The pain is too great...
She says she still wants to be my friend and cuddle and come see me (we are from different countries)
But ofc Im writing here, cause of fucking course there has to be a but...
She said that there are 2 things about me that are deal breakers for a relationship for her and we talked about it and there is no way around it... I cannot help what I feel, all I can do is control my actions, which is what I offered, that I would do that for her... I dont really want to give details... But still, its a deal breaker for her... And one of the problems was, of course, the monotone life...
She still said we can be friends and talk every day for many hours and would still come and cuddle and all that.. But really, even if its a situation "above" friendzone, maybe friends with benefits, its still a friendzone... And this is supposing that I would be in good mood enough to cuddle or do anything, but since I feel so rejected, it would just be bad...
Best case scenario she would come every few months... And cant do more cause she has to study... She used to visit her ex bf every month, but she wasnt studying back then...
I even thought about moving, which would be a long term plan... But of course, if she doesnt want me, there is no point...
Idk... maybe to someone who reads this sounds stupid because technically Im not "alone"... But if Im rejected in that sense, in some sense, then Im really alone... At some point she would leave me, even if its in the future. At some point she would find a proper partner...
I felt so stupid for thinking I could be wanted and loved... If someone as nice and accepting as her cant want me, there isnt really a point anymore... But its not like I have the strength to keep searching and dealing with the massive pain of loneliness every day...
There is nobody for me... Im just alone and unwanted...
I cannot do this... The pain is too great...
im talking to this girl... i suppose... cause i feel like we talk less and less. shes extremely busy with 2 exams tomorrow and 2 more the next day... but she went to a class party today, and the train is 1 hour... and she didnt told anytihng to me in the train... i thought she was sleeping all day, which she needs cause shes very tired of studying... but the other day she had an exam and had to study and talked to me a bit... and shes the type that can do several things at once, like study hard and reply every 30 mins or 1 hour or so... but today... nothing at all...
she also said that my sad faces annoy her... when i open myself and i am "soft" i use a lot of sad faces, to give emphasis to what i say... when im sad for real i dont use sad faces... and when she said that it crushed me... cause, its me...
yes, it could be the studies, but not talking me in the train or at all today... and also telling me this of the sad faces... and she hasnt told that shes tired or that i annoy me myself (other than the sad faces) because im very clingy and talk to her a lot, but i have that feeling...
yes, you can say "dont annoy her" which is the equivalent of saying "dont be yourself"...
idk maybe im wrong, but the sad face stuff is me... and... i cant do this anymore... its always me the one who cares and is interested in the other one... i dont think we will be friends or anything, she just doesnt want me.... like everybody... and this time it hurts very hard, cause shes nice...
i cant do this anymore.... i just have to end it... there is nobody for me... nobody wants me...
she also said that my sad faces annoy her... when i open myself and i am "soft" i use a lot of sad faces, to give emphasis to what i say... when im sad for real i dont use sad faces... and when she said that it crushed me... cause, its me...
yes, it could be the studies, but not talking me in the train or at all today... and also telling me this of the sad faces... and she hasnt told that shes tired or that i annoy me myself (other than the sad faces) because im very clingy and talk to her a lot, but i have that feeling...
yes, you can say "dont annoy her" which is the equivalent of saying "dont be yourself"...
idk maybe im wrong, but the sad face stuff is me... and... i cant do this anymore... its always me the one who cares and is interested in the other one... i dont think we will be friends or anything, she just doesnt want me.... like everybody... and this time it hurts very hard, cause shes nice...
i cant do this anymore.... i just have to end it... there is nobody for me... nobody wants me...
Im tired of this feeling... Every time I talk to a girl I have it... The feeling that I have to be containing myself for fear of saying something that will annoy her... Or in this case, not something, but the quantity...
Since Im always thinking of her and of talking to her, I tend to text her a lot... But since yesterday said shes annoyed at my sad faces in the text, and she also told me she needs to be alone cause shes stressed... I think its half bullshit, shes tressed for real but the real reason is that shes tired of me...
I also cannot understand how someone feeling bad wants to be alone... When im feeling bad is specially when I need someone, no matter what type of bad is it... But still, even if she needs just space that at this moment doesnt have anything to do with me, I think she just likes me less and less....
Im tired of this feeling... Me holding back myself... Maybe I shouldnt hold back and just go with all, until she cant stand and blocks me, and just let it happen... Cause what do I even accomplish by doing it? Just postpone the inevitable?
Nobody wants me...
Since Im always thinking of her and of talking to her, I tend to text her a lot... But since yesterday said shes annoyed at my sad faces in the text, and she also told me she needs to be alone cause shes stressed... I think its half bullshit, shes tressed for real but the real reason is that shes tired of me...
I also cannot understand how someone feeling bad wants to be alone... When im feeling bad is specially when I need someone, no matter what type of bad is it... But still, even if she needs just space that at this moment doesnt have anything to do with me, I think she just likes me less and less....
Im tired of this feeling... Me holding back myself... Maybe I shouldnt hold back and just go with all, until she cant stand and blocks me, and just let it happen... Cause what do I even accomplish by doing it? Just postpone the inevitable?
Nobody wants me...
I asked her yesterday if there was anything i could do for her... Even give her total silence until she finishes the exams.
She has for the next 2 days and 2 next week... But today she doesnt have any... She responded saying that she needed to be alone to calm her anxiety but I could message her... So i left her alone yesterday...
I messaged her today, just asking how is she, i dont say much, I hold back, just asked that... That was hours ago and se didnt reply and I see that she has been connected...
Before the exams started she told me that so that I wouldnt feel alone, we could voice call while she studies, just there, in silence without talking much, maybe a word some time, and I liked that and was expecting that... But seeing how it is going, im not asking anything... But this is just another thing that helps me think that she likes me less than when she said that...
I feel like an idiot going in circles... With a shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, all this is just stress, and she will still like me and voice call when shes finished... But... Rationally, with all the things I know, specially about the sad emojis shit... Its just not true... But i have stupid hope...
Nobody can say I dont have any hope... I have been living this shit life for many years always knowing I would always be alone... Always rejected...
Stupid nonsense hope... I hate it... I want to lose it all...
She has for the next 2 days and 2 next week... But today she doesnt have any... She responded saying that she needed to be alone to calm her anxiety but I could message her... So i left her alone yesterday...
I messaged her today, just asking how is she, i dont say much, I hold back, just asked that... That was hours ago and se didnt reply and I see that she has been connected...
Before the exams started she told me that so that I wouldnt feel alone, we could voice call while she studies, just there, in silence without talking much, maybe a word some time, and I liked that and was expecting that... But seeing how it is going, im not asking anything... But this is just another thing that helps me think that she likes me less than when she said that...
I feel like an idiot going in circles... With a shred of hope that maybe, just maybe, all this is just stress, and she will still like me and voice call when shes finished... But... Rationally, with all the things I know, specially about the sad emojis shit... Its just not true... But i have stupid hope...
Nobody can say I dont have any hope... I have been living this shit life for many years always knowing I would always be alone... Always rejected...
Stupid nonsense hope... I hate it... I want to lose it all...
So... at the end of the day i messaged her a couple of time. One asking how she was, and she said she was fine... So i was confused cause i thought she was stressed... But at the same time she doesnt talk to me at all... But she talked to me the first 2 days of study... She also said she doesnt know what I want... Which confused me even further cause I thought she knew, cause I have been leaving her messages. Maybe she didnt read any.. She had ADHD... I hate this illness... It wouldnt be the first time she doesnt read something I write, but I didnt know it was this dire, if thats the case... And the alternative is that she read it all or most and chose to ignore it... Both cases are pretty bad...
Im not stupid... I know everything screams to just let go... But I really liked this girl... But if she doesnt want me, then its irrelevant...
My expectations are to talk properly this weekend with her, but it probably wont happen... Then my expectations are to talk a lot with her after she finishes the exams, cause she will be free for some time... But this wont happen either... And i dont even know anymore about her coming here to see me, cause I dont even know anymore if she likes me or not, if this is normal for her, or if shes just tired of me and is ignoring me.. Cause again, she talked to me the first 2 days she was studying...
Im in so much pain...
I want to end it so much... But Im such a coward... Ill just wait through the pain... And see how this turns out, which will be bad, I know... Cant wait for the moment to arrive to finally be at peace...
Im not stupid... I know everything screams to just let go... But I really liked this girl... But if she doesnt want me, then its irrelevant...
My expectations are to talk properly this weekend with her, but it probably wont happen... Then my expectations are to talk a lot with her after she finishes the exams, cause she will be free for some time... But this wont happen either... And i dont even know anymore about her coming here to see me, cause I dont even know anymore if she likes me or not, if this is normal for her, or if shes just tired of me and is ignoring me.. Cause again, she talked to me the first 2 days she was studying...
Im in so much pain...
I want to end it so much... But Im such a coward... Ill just wait through the pain... And see how this turns out, which will be bad, I know... Cant wait for the moment to arrive to finally be at peace...
I dont know what to do... I search all over reddit and find nothing. in the internet... i search for introverts or autists meetups, for groups... NOTHING
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Im so goddamn lonely...
And the freaking doctor didnt want to give me <mod edit - method>
in monday she also has the last exam... in my head... i was expecting that we talked again and called again... but my guess is that she wont even take me out of ignore and we wont call and she wont say anything...
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Im so goddamn lonely...
And the freaking doctor didnt want to give me <mod edit - method>
in monday she also has the last exam... in my head... i was expecting that we talked again and called again... but my guess is that she wont even take me out of ignore and we wont call and she wont say anything...
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I think men should be masculine, and I think what you call neediness and sensitive isn't actually a bad thing at all. I actually like it when someone wants to put all their time into me and it certainly doesn't make them not good enough. Also, to be perfectly honest with you, you seem very assertive to me when you express yourself and that does take strength and confidence, which is very attractive to women. And I think if you believed that, you'd feel a lot better.
Yes, thats the only part they like... They like the parts that are strong and assertive of me... But when I show weakness, neediness... Then Im thrown in the trash...
At the end you basically said if I were strong it would be better... And would get more girls... I already know that, but Im not that...
At the end you basically said if I were strong it would be better... And would get more girls... I already know that, but Im not that...
I just, I am suffering so much... The pain of the loneliness is too great... I cannot take this anymore...
Im 36... Realistically, I cannot wait 5 more years, not even 1 more year to find someone... Im too broken... To traumatized by loneliness... The agony of every day is too painful...
What can I even do anymore. Im in last shred of my time, and you cannot find someone like this... Not that I would even know where to look for...
I cannot keep going... The pain is too much...
Im 36... Realistically, I cannot wait 5 more years, not even 1 more year to find someone... Im too broken... To traumatized by loneliness... The agony of every day is too painful...
What can I even do anymore. Im in last shred of my time, and you cannot find someone like this... Not that I would even know where to look for...
I cannot keep going... The pain is too much...
In reddit and other forums people just love to dunk on me when I write this stuff... Saying that I have nothing to offer, no right of "demanding" a girl (they just keep assuming shit), that no girl would he happy with me, and all kinds of variations... And other stuff too... And its from guys and girls...
I just wish they got the same treatment when they are suffering, and someone came to tell them that they are trash... Sadly karma doesnt exist...
I just wish they got the same treatment when they are suffering, and someone came to tell them that they are trash... Sadly karma doesnt exist...