Lonely while aging

[Rose1229]

When I was younger, it seemed I could enjoy myself in my alone time. I liked doing things with friends and family but was okay doing them alone too. Now, I just feel alone all the time and I don't enjoy it. I even feel alone when I'm with others. If I am with family or friends and having an okay time, when I leave to go home, it makes me feel even worse as it's returning to the emptiness. I have pets but they aren't enough any more. Not having any one to actually talk to and share things with makes it very hard. I never had kids and never married. When I get together with people my age all they talk about is their kids, grandkids, spouses. I understand that's important to them. I just don't feel like I fit and they don't understand. It makes me feel even more separate from the world. People say look what you do have. Problem is nothing I have really makes me content. I'm not looking for happy any more, just content. Things don't make up for connections with people. I appreciate the people here but maybe it's my age or something because it's not enough not to be able to actually see people or hear people. I need in real life connection.

About 20 years ago, my great-uncle told me that the worst thing he experienced in his life was getting old alone. This was a couple years before he died. My great aunt had died about 10 years before. He had lived through the depression, being in WWII and all kinds of hardships. They never had kids and he lived a couple hours from any family. He was right. I've experienced loneliness and depression off and on in my life as well as other issues but these last 5 years have shown me that growing old with loneliness is the worst. I believe it will be what kills me.

 

[LonelyHiker]

@Rose1229

I really can relate to this. I am still relatively young (52), but I am not thrilled about growing old and dying alone. I have four siblings, but they are all 7 or more years older than me, and we are in contact, but not very close.

I have a son, who may or may not be able to help me in my old age, as he is on the autism spectrum.

So yeah, I understand where you are coming from. Like you, I spend a considerable amount of time alone, and actually enjoy solitude for the most part. But no one wants to grow old and die alone.

 

[Angie]

I am 61. I feel alone most of the time. Its definitely not fun growing older alone.

 

[KM76710]

I am 56, and alone most nearly every time and all the time.

 

[LonelyHiker]

I am 61. I feel alone most of the time. Its definitely not fun growing older alone.

No, it isn't...when you suffer from depression, it's a double whammy..

 

[Thauoy]

I am a 33 years old single man. I never had any friend or girlfriend in my entire life. I may never get married.Presently I live with my mother and sister. They are very kind and supportive. But my sister will get married one day and my mother will get old and die one day. At that time I have to live a lonely life in my old age. I am extremely sad and worry thinking about this. Loneliness really sucks.
But the problem is that even if you get married and have children, you may still get lonely in old age because your spouse may die earlier ( may be because of some disease or other reason ) or your children may abandon you in old age. You know in my country , there are many old age homes for aged people who are abandon by their children. So marrying and having children doesn't guarantee a happy life in old age.

 

[Waves]

When I was younger, it seemed I could enjoy myself in my alone time. I liked doing things with friends and family but was okay doing them alone too. Now, I just feel alone all the time and I don't enjoy it. I even feel alone when I'm with others. If I am with family or friends and having an okay time, when I leave to go home, it makes me feel even worse as it's returning to the emptiness. I have pets but they aren't enough any more. Not having any one to actually talk to and share things with makes it very hard. I never had kids and never married. When I get together with people my age all they talk about is their kids, grandkids, spouses. I understand that's important to them. I just don't feel like I fit and they don't understand. It makes me feel even more separate from the world. People say look what you do have. Problem is nothing I have really makes me content. I'm not looking for happy any more, just content. Things don't make up for connections with people. I appreciate the people here but maybe it's my age or something because it's not enough not to be able to actually see people or hear people. I need in real life connection.

About 20 years ago, my great-uncle told me that the worst thing he experienced in his life was getting old alone. This was a couple years before he died. My great aunt had died about 10 years before. He had lived through the depression, being in WWII and all kinds of hardships. They never had kids and he lived a couple hours from any family. He was right. I've experienced loneliness and depression off and on in my life as well as other issues but these last 5 years have shown me that growing old with loneliness is the worst. I believe it will be what kills me.

You described me to a T. The loneliness is physically hurtful. People can see it to and have no time for new friends or burdens. Is there no treatment for the pain?

 

[Rose1229]

You described me to a T. The loneliness is physically hurtful. People can see it to and have no time for new friends or burdens. Is there no treatment for the pain?

Sorry, but I have not found any.

 

[FFurry]

Sorry, but I have not found any.

Nor have I, but I'm looking and open to suggestions. Whatever few friends and family I have are mostly older and may well pass on before me. What happens when you're the only one left?

There are too many stories of people being found in their homes decades after their deaths. This keeps coming up and is no less depressing every time. Those who pass away "surrounded by family and friends" are lucky indeed (not for the passing, but for not being alone).

 

[Rose1229]

Nor have I, but I'm looking and open to suggestions. Whatever few friends and family I have are mostly older and may well pass on before me. What happens when you're the only one left?

There are too many stories of people being found in their homes decades after their deaths. This keeps coming up and is no less depressing every time. Those who pass away "surrounded by family and friends" are lucky indeed (not for the passing, but for not being alone).

I agree. BTW, I love your kitty. It looks like mine when she was a kitten.

 

[1964dodge]

Nor have I, but I'm looking and open to suggestions. Whatever few friends and family I have are mostly older and may well pass on before me. What happens when you're the only one left?

There are too many stories of people being found in their homes decades after their deaths. This keeps coming up and is no less depressing every time. Those who pass away "surrounded by family and friends" are lucky indeed (not for the passing, but for not being alone).

it is terrible indeed to have to die alone. if a person doesn't have family the best thing to do is look for friends online and irl. how have you been doing @FFurry and @Rose1229 i haven't talked to you in a while. i hope you are doing ok...mike...

 

[Rose1229]

Not doing well at all. Been pretty bad actually.

 

[Sane Man]

I tend to differ on this subject in a couple ways. I have heard and seen many times in my life, from someone who lives with a significant other for a long time. Then they get old, and the other one dies leaving the other one alone and depressed until they too die one day. Now this sucks, I agree, but consider the people who have never had that significant other. At least look at the time you had with that person, because some people(many) in this world never even had that.

And as far as dying alone, I actually would prefer that I think then being surrounded by people. I mean, just let me go on my own time, in my own way/place, just leave me alone, that's the way I look at it. Everyone's different, but man, when I'm in a bunch of pain or at the end I just want to be away from others, not with them. Maybe it's just the way I am? I would at the very least leave it up to the person dying, don't force them like what happens in many situations.

I guess the bottom line is, ya loneliness is loneliness and it sucks, regardless of what age you are or situation. A person can be completely surrounded by others and still feel 'mentally' alone, I know that well. Hmm, I was alone in high school. Still alone at 35. I wonder what 40 will be like...(Though I'm only planning on living to 39. Well see how that goes)

 

[1964dodge]

Not doing well at all. Been pretty bad actually.

i'm sorry to hear that rose. if you ever want to talk feel free to use my inbox, i'm a good listener if you want to talk or just vent. i hope you feel better soon...mike...

 

[1964dodge]

you are completely right about being lucky to have that significant other. i have been with my wife for 43 years and i really don't know if i could go on if she passed first. and i hope you live way past 39 and you do find that forever partner...mike...

 

[Rose1229]

i'm sorry to hear that rose. if you ever want to talk feel free to use my inbox, i'm a good listener if you want to talk or just vent. i hope you feel better soon...mike...

Thank you

 

[Rose1229]

I totally agree Sane Man. It's been hard not having anyone but it's just as hard when i'm with people and still feel totally alone.

 

[FFurry]

but consider the people who have never had that significant other. At least look at the time you had with that person, because some people(many) in this world never even had that.

And as far as dying alone, I actually would prefer that I think then being surrounded by people. I mean, just let me go on my own time, in my own way/place, just leave me alone, that's the way I look at it.

Still alone at 35. I wonder what 40 will be like...(Though I'm only planning on living to 39. Well see how that goes)

"It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" Maybe there's some truth to this, though I will probably never know personally.

I guess it doesn't really matter what happens during the actual moment of dying, or close to it... it's just that dying is a continuous process that begins at birth. The in-between time prior to the actual passing is the painful part.

My thinking was also that I wouldn't see 40, yet it came and went. There's always the feeling that if you go before your time, you'd never know if something could have changed to turn things around.

 

[Ivy100]

When I was younger, it seemed I could enjoy myself in my alone time. I liked doing things with friends and family but was okay doing them alone too. Now, I just feel alone all the time and I don't enjoy it. I even feel alone when I'm with others. If I am with family or friends and having an okay time, when I leave to go home, it makes me feel even worse as it's returning to the emptiness. I have pets but they aren't enough any more. Not having any one to actually talk to and share things with makes it very hard. I never had kids and never married. When I get together with people my age all they talk about is their kids, grandkids, spouses. I understand that's important to them. I just don't feel like I fit and they don't understand. It makes me feel even more separate from the world. People say look what you do have. Problem is nothing I have really makes me content. I'm not looking for happy any more, just content. Things don't make up for connections with people. I appreciate the people here but maybe it's my age or something because it's not enough not to be able to actually see people or hear people. I need in real life connection.

About 20 years ago, my great-uncle told me that the worst thing he experienced in his life was getting old alone. This was a couple years before he died. My great aunt had died about 10 years before. He had lived through the depression, being in WWII and all kinds of hardships. They never had kids and he lived a couple hours from any family. He was right. I've experienced loneliness and depression off and on in my life as well as other issues but these last 5 years have shown me that growing old with loneliness is the worst. I believe it will be what kills me.

I know how you feel. Loneliness is so painful. Right now it is a physical pain for me. I hope you can find your way out of this.

 

[Rose1229]

I know how you feel. Loneliness is so painful. Right now it is a physical pain for me. I hope you can find your way out of this.

Thank you. I wish. My loneliness has also became physical pain.