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Lonely while aging

FFurry

FFurry

SF Supporter
#21
#21
Rose1229 said:
Thank you. I wish. My loneliness has also became physical pain.
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Same here. Sometimes I think alone is best, yet I can't help seeking out someone when depression attacks. It's as though the pain is everywhere, with no possible relief.

I hope we all can find some sort of solution.
 
I

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#24
#24
Rose1229 said:
When I was younger, it seemed I could enjoy myself in my alone time. I liked doing things with friends and family but was okay doing them alone too. Now, I just feel alone all the time and I don't enjoy it. I even feel alone when I'm with others. If I am with family or friends and having an okay time, when I leave to go home, it makes me feel even worse as it's returning to the emptiness. I have pets but they aren't enough any more. Not having any one to actually talk to and share things with makes it very hard. I never had kids and never married. When I get together with people my age all they talk about is their kids, grandkids, spouses. I understand that's important to them. I just don't feel like I fit and they don't understand. It makes me feel even more separate from the world. People say look what you do have. Problem is nothing I have really makes me content. I'm not looking for happy any more, just content. Things don't make up for connections with people. I appreciate the people here but maybe it's my age or something because it's not enough not to be able to actually see people or hear people. I need in real life connection.

About 20 years ago, my great-uncle told me that the worst thing he experienced in his life was getting old alone. This was a couple years before he died. My great aunt had died about 10 years before. He had lived through the depression, being in WWII and all kinds of hardships. They never had kids and he lived a couple hours from any family. He was right. I've experienced loneliness and depression off and on in my life as well as other issues but these last 5 years have shown me that growing old with loneliness is the worst. I believe it will be what kills me.
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Me too. I am very lonely and have tried in every that I can imagine to help myself but still I sm alone, older, unloved
Now I am also frightened because we are having very bad weather and I ruminate about what I will be able todo if my house is damaged. My neighbors are remote, I have no family here. My friends- not many- have marriages and cannot/will not have any idea of how I live. You will say that I need some kind of congregate housing for old people but I think I would be even sadder there- and the thought of finding anything affordable makkes me sick. How did this happpen to me?
 
1964dodge

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#26
#26
Ivy100 said:
Me too. I am very lonely and have tried in every that I can imagine to help myself but still I sm alone, older, unloved
Now I am also frightened because we are having very bad weather and I ruminate about what I will be able todo if my house is damaged. My neighbors are remote, I have no family here. My friends- not many- have marriages and cannot/will not have any idea of how I live. You will say that I need some kind of congregate housing for old people but I think I would be even sadder there- and the thought of finding anything affordable makkes me sick. How did this happpen to me?
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i'm sorry that age has ravaged you so badly. my wife and i are in our 60s and disabled so i know how you feel, although family always watches over us. is it possible to get another senior citizen as a roommate? this way you have company, someone to share expenses and chores. senior citizens have many affordable choices. you can get senior housing which costs a percentage of your income, assisted living which rent is similar, or a nursing home which of course is expensive. some of all of these options are snake pits but there are some really good places for seniors to live. i'm in the process of looking now. the important thing is to look carefully before you do anything. we have an area on aging and legal services for the elderly in our state. i think that would be the place to start if your area has one. feel free to use my inbox if you want to talk further

mike....*hug*shake
 
I

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#27
#27
1964dodge said:
i'm sorry that age has ravaged you so badly. my wife and i are in our 60s and disabled so i know how you feel, although family always watches over us. is it possible to get another senior citizen as a roommate? this way you have company, someone to share expenses and chores. senior citizens have many affordable choices. you can get senior housing which costs a percentage of your income, assisted living which rent is similar, or a nursing home which of course is expensive. some of all of these options are snake pits but there are some really good places for seniors to live. i'm in the process of looking now. the important thing is to look carefully before you do anything. we have an area on aging and legal services for the elderly in our state. i think that would be the place to start if your area has one. feel free to use my inbox if you want to talk further

mike....*hug*shake
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Thanks Mike, but you see, senior housing is a better option for couples or groups of friends that go somewhere together . I have friends in pla es that look nice who tell me -and they have partners or did when they came in- that lonely old single woman are "shunned" (their word). You have noone to eat with in the dining room. No one invites you anywhere. Like being unpopular in high school, which I was. Ask yourself how often,if you have guests , a lone female has been invited. This happens to widows as well. Someone I know who was part ofa family type group of couples was droppedfrom events after her husband died. Just like that. I don’t like being scared and alone in my house, but it is private and I can look at the ocean. Thats better than using all my assets to sob in a room where noone will ever knock on the door.
 
1964dodge

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#28
#28
Ivy100 said:
Thanks Mike, but you see, senior housing is a better option for couples or groups of friends that go somewhere together . I have friends in pla es that look nice who tell me -and they have partners or did when they came in- that lonely old single woman are "shunned" (their word). You have noone to eat with in the dining room. No one invites you anywhere. Like being unpopular in high school, which I was. Ask yourself how often,if you have guests , a lone female has been invited. This happens to widows as well. Someone I know who was part ofa family type group of couples was droppedfrom events after her husband died. Just like that. I don’t like being scared and alone in my house, but it is private and I can look at the ocean. Thats better than using all my assets to sob in a room where noone will ever knock on the door.
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staying in your house is the best option of course as long as you can. a person to share your house would help financially and someone to talk to. of course screen carefully to be safe and also have someone that you are compaible with. there are other options. if you have a senior center near you then you can meet people there. you can look online for people that share your interests living close to you. i have never seen single women/widows shunned in my area. actually there are more widows than widowers because men die sooner than women. i have been friends with widows and they are just plain people. if you ever want to talk or vent please feel free to use my inbox anytime

mike....*hug*console*shake
 
Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

wishes you well
#29
#29
Ivy100 said:
Thanks Mike, but you see, senior housing is a better option for couples or groups of friends that go somewhere together . I have friends in pla es that look nice who tell me -and they have partners or did when they came in- that lonely old single woman are "shunned" (their word). You have noone to eat with in the dining room. No one invites you anywhere. Like being unpopular in high school, which I was. Ask yourself how often,if you have guests , a lone female has been invited. This happens to widows as well. Someone I know who was part ofa family type group of couples was droppedfrom events after her husband died. Just like that. I don’t like being scared and alone in my house, but it is private and I can look at the ocean. Thats better than using all my assets to sob in a room where noone will ever knock on the door.
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My mother lives in an independent living residence with many other older women as well as some men. She has always had plenty of female friends to sit with at meals. Since many older women are widowed or unmarried, they make friends with each other.
 
I

Ivy100

SF Supporter
#30
#30
1964dodge said:
staying in your house is the best option of course as long as you can. a person to share your house would help financially and someone to talk to. of course screen carefully to be safe and also have someone that you are compaible with. there are other options. if you have a senior center near you then you can meet people there. you can look online for people that share your interests living close to you. i have never seen single women/widows shunned in my area. actually there are more widows than widowers because men die sooner than women. i have been friends with widows and they are just plain people. if you ever want to talk or vent please feel free to use my inbox anytime

mike....*hug*console*shake
Click to expand...
Thank you
 
Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

wishes you well
#35
#35
I did a post here a while back about how to meet people. Here it is:

https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...people-wanting-friends-irl-and-online.167553/

My mother was fortunate in living in the city with one of the biggest, best seniors' centres in the world. She was able to take painting, join a drama group and do fitness classes. Honestly she probably made the most friends just playing cards though. The centre also offers decent cheap meals and connects seniors with local services. They have many free programs. I didn't realize this is unusual for most cities (including the one in which I currently live). However I've had luck with Meetups. Still, I would ideally like to move to the city she lived in eventually because it really is an outstanding place for seniors to live. Every city should be like that.
 
may71

may71

mr. may
#36
#36
FFurry said:
Certainly, please go ahead.
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:)

In the US, there's local Councils on Aging that may have activities for older adults. https://www.ncoa.org/ncoa-map can help you find local COA's.


Road Scholar (formerly known as Elderhostel) is not-for-profit travel and tour organization mostly geared toward older people. It's based in the US but has programs around the world. The travel itself might be fun, but also a great way to meet other older people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Road_Scholar
https://www.roadscholar.org/

The wikipedia article says they also offer a limited number of scholarships if you can't afford travel.
 
Lady Wolfshead

Lady Wolfshead

wishes you well
#37
#37
may71 said:
:)

In the US, there's local Councils on Aging that may have activities for older adults. https://www.ncoa.org/ncoa-map can help you find local COA's.


Road Scholar (formerly known as Elderhostel) is not-for-profit travel and tour organization mostly geared toward older people. It's based in the US but has programs around the world. The travel itself might be fun, but also a great way to meet other older people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Road_Scholar
https://www.roadscholar.org/

The wikipedia article says they also offer a limited number of scholarships if you can't afford travel.
Click to expand...
How awesome about the Road Scholar and their scholarships. I personally have zero desire to travel for various reasons, but I know many older people who enjoy it. My dad liked going to tons of hot, tropical places as well as European destinations (his second wife was German) and my aunt and uncle enjoyed touring North America in their deluxe RV. All of them met many friends travelling - my dad and his wife almost never had to pay for hotels as they had so many friends in Europe and the US. They particularly loved Arizona where they spent every winter avoiding the Canadian snow. This is such a phenomenon in Canada among elderly people we call them "snowbirds" because they fly south for the winter lol.
 
1964dodge

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#40
#40
FFurry said:
Certainly, please go ahead. While many have family support networks, many others do not. I suspect I'll be in that latter category not long from now. There should be some way for us to band together and face this...
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how are you doing @FFurry i haven't heard from you in a while. i hope you are doing well

mike...*hug*shake
 
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