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Missing my wife

1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#41
#41
So, how did you know about the washing?

I haven't forgotten this thread, in fact it has been something I look forward to. I've just been busy, and waiting to see what kind of effect my new meds will have once I become used to them.

I'm daydreaming a new way to occupy myself. Alesia intentionally saved pennies, jars, bowls, bags. But she also un intentionally accumulated them - I can't count the envelopes with loose pennies tucked into a drawer, the corners of purses, under her computer, desk organizers, etc. So now everytime I find one unexpectedly, it's a kiss from Alesia "See, I miss you, too""
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#42
#42
I guess if I keep things chronological, maybe the context will be easier to follow.

We chose to live in Las Vegas as neither of us had family or friends that would influence the relationship. We wanted it to fly or fall on its own. We decided on a two bedroom apartment, just in case we worked out better as just friends than as a couple.

We moved her from Long Beach in early January, and the only snow we ever saw in Vegas happened that day. I was going to be doing my portion of the move during my birthday, so she trated me a steak dinner at some little resturant that looked like it had been around since the 1960's. It had life-sized, motorized heads of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Peter Lawford moving back and forth.
Then a flight back to Kansas City to move from my apartment, pack what I was taking, and store the rest. A co-worker and I had used plywood screwed to 2x2s to improvise sideboards for the bed of my pickup. I was able to stack my belongings higher, but the extra weight made the truck a little harder to drive, and the sideboards were especially efficient at catching the cross-winds in northwest Texas and New Mexico.
Lower gas mileage than expected, more stops, slower progress, I had planned to roll into Vegas in the late afternoon, but by 10pm I was still several hours out. So close that I wanted to keep pushing, but my eyes were blinking shut, and I put wheels onto the shoulder a couple of times before I pulled into a parking lot for a nap. My sister had lent me her brick cell phone, so I could call Alesia and let her know.
Heading up that final incline, I could watch the glow get brighter and brighter, then as I topped it, it was like I could see nothing but lights laid out below me. I made it to our apartment about 3:30. Although I had expected Alesia to wait up for me, she thought I might be hungry, so she cooked. And she didn't know what I might be hungry for, so she cooked supper AND breakfast - fried catfish, homemade macaroni and cheese, rolls, greens, ham, grits, eggs and peach cobbler. Then to bed for 12 hours or so.
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#44
#44
Las Vegas, what can I say? A couple of friends/co-workers had transferred to a casino, and knew I could deal, so a job was no problem. It was across town from the apartment, so I had some intense traffic each day. You see, when the city had made plans for the infrastructure 5 or 10 years earlier, they didn't know that Vegas would be the fastest growing city in the US. There was no provision for the expansion. The postal service was abysmal, schools overcrowded, clean drinking water was a rarity - most gas stations, convenience stores and grocery stores had machines outside that would dispense filtered water, $.25 per gallon, bring your own container.

But the roads really weren't adequate for the amount of traffic they had to handle each day, so an improvisation was made to take most of the inside margin, and the outside shoulder (along with narrowing the other lanes) to create an extra lane. Literally, I could stick my arm out the window and touch the mirror of the car next to me. However, if anyone had a flat tire or car problems, there really wasn't any place to pull off and traffic usually ground to a stop. But after being on my feet most of the day, and the tension of traffic, there was Alesia to come home to. She would massage my feet, my back and neck, sometimes filling our 2 person bath with warm water and we both soaked.

We had no problems adjusting to being a couple, it was like we had always known each other. The extra bedroom became my computer room. I had discovered "Quake", one of the early 3D first person shooter games and even got on the Internet to find ways to improve the visual quality, or shortcuts through the maze. I wondered how thorough the WWW was, so I started looking up bands and singers I remembered, one of them being Jimmie Spheeris. I was disappointed to find that he had died in a motorcyle accident. I even told Alesia, and wished I had brought my albums, so she could hear what an amazing talent he was.

Alesia had no vehicle, but a friend of hers from California had moved to Vegas also, and the two of them spent afternoons going to open-houses, getting decorating ideas.

Sometimes Alesia and I did our grocery shopping together, but sometimes I went alone. On one list, she had several items, then between two entries, she wrote "sex, sex sex" and then continued the list.When I got home, she said "I just wanted you to hurry home". I told her there was one item I couldn't find at the store. She just smiled and said "Oh, that's ok, we've got plenty right here"

And things were going good for us, she was excersizing, usually twice a day at the apartment pool, and taking her diet pills PhenFen.She was toning up and losing weight.
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#45
#45
I'll interrupt here, to describe a little of today, November 24, 2011, Thanksgiving Day. The second time this holiday rolled around without Alesia. "Our" Uncle Gary had been absent since 2008. By birth, he was my uncle, in his late 50's, single and could be described as unconventional, or a free-spirit. He and Alesia immediately bonded, as if there was permanent family relation. Since he was single, she and I made a point to invite him to share Thanksgiving with us, and the three of us had the best Thanksgivings ever.

This morning, I drove up to a small, country cemetary and paid respects. One set of grandparents, my mom and dad, Uncle Gary, and Alesia. Like several times before, I could tell Alesia how much I missed her, how wrong the world now seemed, my uncertainty at what to do.

But this time, I could also express some gratitude, that she had been such a wonderful person, that she had been my wife, that we had been blessed to spend the time together that we had, and although my life was now full of emptiness and pain, I wouldn't have missed out on our love, no matter what the cost. And I told her how much those Thanksgivings with Uncle Gary had meant to me, and how the three of us were, in a way, together again.

Time has helped some, but I honestly think a lot of that came from posting here - it focused my thoughts on the history with Alesia, and the good parts, instead of being stuck in the horror and loss and emptiness that has been my life.

No guarantees for the future, I am still wracked with grief and depression, but for a little while I had some clarity and something close to peace. Thank you all for being here.
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#49
#49
Looking back, I think we did really well, especially an inter-racial marriage, in a new city, and both having never married before. We figured it out pretty well on our own.
News started coming out about her diet pills, PhenFen, and then they were pulled from the market. Alesia started worrying about her heart, as well as her weight. She still exercised in the pool, and some days walked across four lanes of traffic to the little bar across the street for some company. It was actually called a casino, as they had maybe a dozen slot machines. In Vegas, even the grocery stores had slot machines. The waitress and bartender knew her, and would cut her off at 2 drinks if she was walking back home.
That summer, my little sister was getting married, and I was one of the groomsmen. That meant flying back to Kansas City, and Alesia meeting my family. I actually measured for my tux in Las Vegas, sent the measurements to Kansas City, and would have a final fitting the night before the wedding. One of my other sisters and her kids picked us up and took us to the mall.
As I was being fitted at the mall, there was something Alesia had forgotten, and decided to get it at one of the stores, but she didn't know her way around, but getting pointed in the direction of a department store, she started off, her knees still sore from being cramped during the flight.She was trudging alone, in a strange city, knowing only me, and getting ready to meet dozens of new people. My oldest niece Criss ran up behind her and said "Hey, I'll walk with you." That was the kind of thing that Alesia attracted people to do for her. They found what Alesia needed, got a cold soda, and as friends met back up with the rest of us.
 
B

BK_Jetsfan

Well-Known Member
#50
#50
1Lefty said:
I'll interrupt here, to describe a little of today, November 24, 2011, Thanksgiving Day. The second time this holiday rolled around without Alesia. "Our" Uncle Gary had been absent since 2008. By birth, he was my uncle, in his late 50's, single and could be described as unconventional, or a free-spirit. He and Alesia immediately bonded, as if there was permanent family relation. Since he was single, she and I made a point to invite him to share Thanksgiving with us, and the three of us had the best Thanksgivings ever.

This morning, I drove up to a small, country cemetary and paid respects. One set of grandparents, my mom and dad, Uncle Gary, and Alesia. Like several times before, I could tell Alesia how much I missed her, how wrong the world now seemed, my uncertainty at what to do.

But this time, I could also express some gratitude, that she had been such a wonderful person, that she had been my wife, that we had been blessed to spend the time together that we had, and although my life was now full of emptiness and pain, I wouldn't have missed out on our love, no matter what the cost. And I told her how much those Thanksgivings with Uncle Gary had meant to me, and how the three of us were, in a way, together again.

Time has helped some, but I honestly think a lot of that came from posting here - it focused my thoughts on the history with Alesia, and the good parts, instead of being stuck in the horror and loss and emptiness that has been my life.

No guarantees for the future, I am still wracked with grief and depression, but for a little while I had some clarity and something close to peace. Thank you all for being here.
Click to expand...
I've read this whole thread. It actually made me feel slightly better for a moment. I am so sorry for your loss, your grief. And I can only kinda understand your emptiness. But I'm also jealous (not in a bad or hateful way). You describe a loving wife and a loving relationship. You were loved by a good woman, and your being in each other's lives was clearly meant to be. Hold onto those good thoughts and memories, keep posting about them. I hope that as you think of her and write about her you're filled with her love, and it outweighs your grief.

I love a woman right now in much the same way you loved your wife. She doesn't feel the same about me, however, and it's killing me (part and parcel of a pattern in my life). So your having found that love, even though it was unfairly and too quickly taken away from you, is such a wonderful thing!

You're a good man my friend.
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#51
#51
The day of the wedding, we got to the church early, so I could help the groom prepare. Criss was with her aunt, the bride. That left Alesia, seated alone in a pew, feeling really isolated. I think the first person to greet her and introduce himself was Uncle Gary. He was my favorite uncle and we were especially close, almost like brothers. Alesia had heard me speak of him enough that she became more comfortable. She told me later that he'd told her " No matter what anybody else thinks, I'm your uncle", emphasizing "I'm your uncle", and Alesia's smile popped, and the cousins and aunts were all drawn to her. Pretty soon they were chatting away, "That's a nice bracelet" or "What color is that nail polish?"

Maybe she had been apprehensive, being in a new city, but I also briefed her ahead of time. I love my family dearly, but most of them came from farming, rural or small town backgrounds, with little racial diversity. This is before we got married, and I'm proud of my family that they couldn't resist Alesia, and she became another member of the family. More that one of my uncles or aunts told me later "You've got a good one"

The wedding happened, and Alesia and I returned to our apartment in Las Vegas. The summer seemed like it was forever, some mornings it was already over 100 degrees. Locals told me that the official temp, the reported temp was always several degrees cooler, so as not to deter possible visitors. Alesia and I fell back into our routine, and there were extra affections - emails to my computer, love notes back and forth on the counter. Everything was going pretty well, except that I had rented out my house in Kansas City, and the renters were becoming more sporadic with their rent payments, which I relied on to pay the mortgage.

Fall finally came, still hot. My best friend and his wife came into town for a few days, and we all met and hit the Strip. Years before, my friend and I were joking about my supposedly permanent singleness. He said "If you ever get married, I want to be there." I said "If I ever get married, you can be the best man." I had already asked Alesia several times to marry me, but she always said "Not yet". That Monday night, I asked again, and this time she said "Yes". So we went that night to the Clark County Courthouse, and got our marriage license. I think at that time, it was open 24 hours a day, and there was a wait when we went after 10. My friend had already been called, Alesia's friend in Vegas had been called, and we were set for our wedding the next day.

The jewelers in Las Vegas can get things done in a hurry for the right price. Alesia and I got our rings. That evening, our first choice of wedding chapels was booked, so we went downtown to one of the casinos, that had a wedding chapel on site. We had the option of having an Elvis impersonator perform a song for the ceremony. We skipped all the extras, and we were married. Or is sometimes said "Jumped the broom". Our celebratory supper was at a casino buffet. Alesia wasn't pretentious, or demanding ever, and she was beaming, even though our slice of "wedding cake" came from the desert bar.
 
Z

ZasuArt

Well-Known Member
#52
#52
Crying and sending huge hugs and friendship, Lefty... Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story with us. You know I'm here for you whenever you need a friend... :console:
 
MoAnamCara

MoAnamCara

SF Artist
#53
#53
You see, this is how it should be. It shouldn't matter and it really isn't important where or how the ceremony or celebrations happen. Happiness is so individual and extra-special memories I think are made when things are not as they should be, like if they are different than the norm.

Thank you for continuing to share 1Lefty - it is a joy to read and to feel your love as you share your words.
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#55
#55
Life got even sweeter with Alesia. She loved living in Las Vegas, the city atmosphere and the climate. Financially, not so good. My hours were getting cut at work . And I was still having problems with the people renting my house in Kansas City. I suppose they thought that since I was several states away, there wasn't much I could do if they got behind in rent.. And they were right. Most of my calls either went unanswered or were answered by one of the kids, who said their parents weren't home. I even heard Alesia, on the phone to the wife say "Look, I don't want to have to move back where it's cold and move into that house". That possibility was already on her mind and though I had already considered it, we really hadn't talked about it.

We had planned to sell the house, use the money for a down payment on a modest place in Las Vegas. As the fastest growing city, real estate prices in Vegas were on a steady rise. If nothing else, a home would be a good investment, and keep us in the city Alesia was so happy in.

In one of the computer gaming magazines, I saw that my favorite action video game (Quake) was going to have a sequel. I was excited. I wanted to see the new storyline and improved graphics. One day in December, Alesia asked me to drive her to the mall. She led me to the video game store, and told the clerk there was something on hold for her. I kind of thought she might get it for me, but for Christmas. The clerk reached behind the counter and pulled out Quake II, one of the first copies in the city. But then he also brought out a nice, long-sleeve pullover with the Quake II logo. And a cap, too. I don't know how many calls she had to make to get those for me, but she was resourceful. "Just because I love " she said, with that glorious smile. We started to use that phrase every time we had a surprise, or did something special for each other. And sometimes the surprise was nothing more than an unexpected kiss.

I had my own surprise planned, though. Barry Manilow was one of her favorite singers. And he was doing a show at the MGM. I didn't really care for the style of music he did, but I got 2 tickets anyway and tucked them into a card. "Just because I love you", I told her when I handed her the envelope. She screamed, she cried and she hugged me tight. We went to the show, and in an audience of mostly women, I admit I clapped loud. Actually, I enjoyed it. Because Alesia was with me, I think I could have sat through a dozen Barry Manilow concerts.
 
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Z

ZasuArt

Well-Known Member
#56
#56
Lefty... Thank you for continuing to honor us with your beautiful love story. Chokes me up every time! Sending friendship and *ginormous* hugs! ...T :console:
 
1Lefty

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#59
#59
OK, I'm going to break the chronological order here a bit, to insert something that happened about this time of year, 1996. We had planned the move, but it was almost a month away, and we were still thousands of miles away. I don't remember what I sent Alesia for a Christmas gift, but one day, waiting for me was a box from Alesia. I opened the outer carton, and inside was a box wrapped in green foil. On the top of the box was a teddy bear, and candy canes arranged to form hearts. Inside was a letter, and a pair of silk pajamas. The letter read:

"Bob,
I just wanted to attach this note with my gift. These last few months have been the best months that I have experienced in a long time. You have given me a sense of family and security that as a woman I have never known. I hope that you like your gift. It is just a token of my expression of love for you. I don't know how I was so lucky to have met you but I want you with me the rest of my life. My friendship with you is outstanding. I love you madly !!

Yours entirely,
Alesia
XOXOXOXO "

Is it any wonder that each day, the confirmation grew that I had made the right-est decision of my life?
 
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