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Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?
- Thread starter Gonz
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I hate this as a concept. Like, please don't take this as me having a go at you, but i hear this so much from people with depressive tendencies, and it's such an awful thought process. Like you suggest, happiness isn't something that someone "deserves" or doesn't, it's just a thing you do or do not feel. Happiness isn't some zero-sum game. By feeling it, you aren't depriving anyone or anything of something. Happiness is a self-empowering force for good, and the more it's felt, the more it can be propagated to others.
Like, who are the people we could argue least deserve happiness? Real monsters, like Hitler, Stalin, Dahmer, etc. And yet, if their lives had more happiness in them, most likely there'd have been less murdered gay men in the '80s, no drive to rule the USSR with an iron fist, and 6 million Jews who would've lived to see the end of 1945. Happiness - true, genuine happiness, is a force for good. It only makes things better.
I hope my abuser finds happiness. It'd make him someone who doesn't feel the need to tear others down to feel bigger by comparison. I hope the deputy headteacher that may or may not have started grooming me as a kid finds happiness, cos for him that'd likely mean overcoming his sickness. I hope the people that hate people like me, and want to shoot up or blow up our gatherings find happiness, because that fear they feel is a product of their misery. If they found happiness, the world would become a kinder, safer place.
Anyway, yeah, massive excessive rant, because i absolutely hate this idea of "deserving" happiness or not. You deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
Like, who are the people we could argue least deserve happiness? Real monsters, like Hitler, Stalin, Dahmer, etc. And yet, if their lives had more happiness in them, most likely there'd have been less murdered gay men in the '80s, no drive to rule the USSR with an iron fist, and 6 million Jews who would've lived to see the end of 1945. Happiness - true, genuine happiness, is a force for good. It only makes things better.
I hope my abuser finds happiness. It'd make him someone who doesn't feel the need to tear others down to feel bigger by comparison. I hope the deputy headteacher that may or may not have started grooming me as a kid finds happiness, cos for him that'd likely mean overcoming his sickness. I hope the people that hate people like me, and want to shoot up or blow up our gatherings find happiness, because that fear they feel is a product of their misery. If they found happiness, the world would become a kinder, safer place.
Anyway, yeah, massive excessive rant, because i absolutely hate this idea of "deserving" happiness or not. You deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
I hate this as a concept. Like, please don't take this as me having a go at you, but i hear this so much from people with depressive tendencies, and it's such an awful thought process. Like you suggest, happiness isn't something that someone "deserves" or doesn't, it's just a thing you do or do not feel. Happiness isn't some zero-sum game. By feeling it, you aren't depriving anyone or anything of something. Happiness is a self-empowering force for good, and the more it's felt, the more it can be propagated to others.
Like, who are the people we could argue least deserve happiness? Real monsters, like Hitler, Stalin, Dahmer, etc. And yet, if their lives had more happiness in them, most likely there'd have been less murdered gay men in the '80s, no drive to rule the USSR with an iron fist, and 6 million Jews who would've lived to see the end of 1945. Happiness - true, genuine happiness, is a force for good. It only makes things better.
I hope my abuser finds happiness. It'd make him someone who doesn't feel the need to tear others down to feel bigger by comparison. I hope the deputy headteacher that may or may not have started grooming me as a kid finds happiness, cos for him that'd likely mean overcoming his sickness. I hope the people that hate people like me, and want to shoot up or blow up our gatherings find happiness, because that fear they feel is a product of their misery. If they found happiness, the world would become a kinder, safer place.
Anyway, yeah, massive excessive rant, because i absolutely hate this idea of "deserving" happiness or not. You deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
Like, who are the people we could argue least deserve happiness? Real monsters, like Hitler, Stalin, Dahmer, etc. And yet, if their lives had more happiness in them, most likely there'd have been less murdered gay men in the '80s, no drive to rule the USSR with an iron fist, and 6 million Jews who would've lived to see the end of 1945. Happiness - true, genuine happiness, is a force for good. It only makes things better.
I hope my abuser finds happiness. It'd make him someone who doesn't feel the need to tear others down to feel bigger by comparison. I hope the deputy headteacher that may or may not have started grooming me as a kid finds happiness, cos for him that'd likely mean overcoming his sickness. I hope the people that hate people like me, and want to shoot up or blow up our gatherings find happiness, because that fear they feel is a product of their misery. If they found happiness, the world would become a kinder, safer place.
Anyway, yeah, massive excessive rant, because i absolutely hate this idea of "deserving" happiness or not. You deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
My sister is raising the rent on my nephew to try to get him to move out. Given that rents are so high, and he has to put together first last and a security deposit, I fail to see how charging him more will help him save up faster.
It’s not as though she and my brother-in-law are hurting for money, they don’t need to charge him at all. Their stated reason for doing so is because it’s “fair.”
Thing is, when she was his age, she lived with our parents without paying one penny in rent and they gave her the money for a down payment on a house. Despite them needing the cash more, she got way more help from our parents than she’s giving her own kids.
This isn’t the first time I’ve really not liked the way she treats them, and I wonder how two people can be raised the same place, in the same way, and have such different values.
It’s not as though she and my brother-in-law are hurting for money, they don’t need to charge him at all. Their stated reason for doing so is because it’s “fair.”
Thing is, when she was his age, she lived with our parents without paying one penny in rent and they gave her the money for a down payment on a house. Despite them needing the cash more, she got way more help from our parents than she’s giving her own kids.
This isn’t the first time I’ve really not liked the way she treats them, and I wonder how two people can be raised the same place, in the same way, and have such different values.
I hate this as a concept. Like, please don't take this as me having a go at you, but i hear this so much from people with depressive tendencies, and it's such an awful thought process. Like you suggest, happiness isn't something that someone "deserves" or doesn't, it's just a thing you do or do not feel. Happiness isn't some zero-sum game. By feeling it, you aren't depriving anyone or anything of something. Happiness is a self-empowering force for good, and the more it's felt, the more it can be propagated to others.
Like, who are the people we could argue least deserve happiness? Real monsters, like Hitler, Stalin, Dahmer, etc. And yet, if their lives had more happiness in them, most likely there'd have been less murdered gay men in the '80s, no drive to rule the USSR with an iron fist, and 6 million Jews who would've lived to see the end of 1945. Happiness - true, genuine happiness, is a force for good. It only makes things better.
I hope my abuser finds happiness. It'd make him someone who doesn't feel the need to tear others down to feel bigger by comparison. I hope the deputy headteacher that may or may not have started grooming me as a kid finds happiness, cos for him that'd likely mean overcoming his sickness. I hope the people that hate people like me, and want to shoot up or blow up our gatherings find happiness, because that fear they feel is a product of their misery. If they found happiness, the world would become a kinder, safer place.
Anyway, yeah, massive excessive rant, because i absolutely hate this idea of "deserving" happiness or not. You deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
Like, who are the people we could argue least deserve happiness? Real monsters, like Hitler, Stalin, Dahmer, etc. And yet, if their lives had more happiness in them, most likely there'd have been less murdered gay men in the '80s, no drive to rule the USSR with an iron fist, and 6 million Jews who would've lived to see the end of 1945. Happiness - true, genuine happiness, is a force for good. It only makes things better.
I hope my abuser finds happiness. It'd make him someone who doesn't feel the need to tear others down to feel bigger by comparison. I hope the deputy headteacher that may or may not have started grooming me as a kid finds happiness, cos for him that'd likely mean overcoming his sickness. I hope the people that hate people like me, and want to shoot up or blow up our gatherings find happiness, because that fear they feel is a product of their misery. If they found happiness, the world would become a kinder, safer place.
Anyway, yeah, massive excessive rant, because i absolutely hate this idea of "deserving" happiness or not. You deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
Alot today. That the boyfriend doesn't know about my time here although we have touched on and discussed loneliness and disconnected topics and some about depression experience.
That I'm going to get in the car and drive back to Santa Fe again and not sure I want to make that long drive even though it would not be alone I'm coming in and out of feeling unsettled about so much time on the road the last couple of months. More thinking to do......
And today is the birthday anniversary of my spiritual teacher so I'm feeling very quiet and internalized thinking of all those years with him and that community that no longer is in place for me....not sadness, just deeply reviewing....
That I'm going to get in the car and drive back to Santa Fe again and not sure I want to make that long drive even though it would not be alone I'm coming in and out of feeling unsettled about so much time on the road the last couple of months. More thinking to do......
And today is the birthday anniversary of my spiritual teacher so I'm feeling very quiet and internalized thinking of all those years with him and that community that no longer is in place for me....not sadness, just deeply reviewing....
if a person charges an adult child rent can be complicated. if a family has it hard then automatically they should pay a reasonable amount. when my adult kids moved back home for a bit i required a small amount for rent. once was $25 a week the other time was $50 a week which is a joke because it cost us a lot more than that to have them there,. i mostly did it because it was fair and they were paying their own way well, at leat a little. lol. if a person charges an adult child rent or not should be well thought out but should be mostly in the childs favor if possible.
mike....
mike....
if a person charges an adult child rent can be complicated. if a family has it hard then automatically they should pay a reasonable amount. when my adult kids moved back home for a bit i required a small amount for rent. once was $25 a week the other time was $50 a week which is a joke because it cost us a lot more than that to have them there,. i mostly did it because it was fair and they were paying their own way well, at leat a little. lol. if a person charges an adult child rent or not should be well thought out but should be mostly in the childs favor if possible.
mike....
mike....
One should definitely give their children a level of responsibility. But I don’t understand the mindset needed to treat your children no different from anyone else once they turn 18 because “they’re an adult now.”
People often need to carry their own weight, pay their own way, even with family. But I draw the line at turning a profit on people I love. She’s been profiting from their arrangement, she charges him near market rate (which is already unfairly high in this area) for a room that would otherwise sit empty, and thinks squeezing him for more will get her what she wants.
She’s out of touch with the realities of the housing market, and actively making it harder for him to get out on his own.
She’s out of touch with the realities of the housing market, and actively making it harder for him to get out on his own.
don't get me started lol. we used to joke about once you're 18 you are out of here lol. what we did was once they were an adult and out of school we encouraged independance. of course it was easier back then. but for most parents things change once a child hits adulthood but you still need to be there for them. my kids are in their 40s and we still help sometimes. 18 isn't an end it's a change
mike...
mike...