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Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?
- Thread starter Gonz
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i know a great deal of you guys is significantly older than me so this probably won't ring a bell for a lot of people but i grew up with a video game franchise called littlebigplanet. and i really, really fucking miss it.
sony's money hungry ass shut down all of the game's servers after a few minor hacks, stating that continuing to support said servers is getting "too expensive" despite the fact that they're one of the richest companies in the world and that littlebigplanet was arguably their biggest and most popular original IP.
a lot of the good memories i managed to make during my miserable childhood came from those games. i met one of the best people i've ever know through one of the games (although we sadly don't talk anymore).
i'm just sad. i know this probably sounds ridiculous but this franchise and it's community were one of the only things that could ever make me feel anything remotely positive. it's been years since it got shut down but i keep getting these phases were i'm just so ridiculously pissed that this got taken from me and so many other people.
idk.
sony's money hungry ass shut down all of the game's servers after a few minor hacks, stating that continuing to support said servers is getting "too expensive" despite the fact that they're one of the richest companies in the world and that littlebigplanet was arguably their biggest and most popular original IP.
a lot of the good memories i managed to make during my miserable childhood came from those games. i met one of the best people i've ever know through one of the games (although we sadly don't talk anymore).
i'm just sad. i know this probably sounds ridiculous but this franchise and it's community were one of the only things that could ever make me feel anything remotely positive. it's been years since it got shut down but i keep getting these phases were i'm just so ridiculously pissed that this got taken from me and so many other people.
idk.
just to elaborate: there's this saying that the opposite of trauma is play.
most of you already know my childhood was a living hell. and lbp was kind of a therapeutic outlet for me. when i was a kid with nobody that would've cared if i killed myself and parents that despised me, lbp gave me friends, a coping mechanism, a creative outlet and a way to simply have fun, which are all things that i don't really have anymore.
and ignoring my personal story and feelings, there were so many people that felt the exact same way. at it's peak, the franchise had around 340.000 daily players, with ton a ton of more, less active people. and despite that it had a really tight-knit community. a lot of us knew eachother, played together, helped others out and sometimes we just talked.
i can't really explain it, but these games were one of the most comforting things i ever had.
most of you already know my childhood was a living hell. and lbp was kind of a therapeutic outlet for me. when i was a kid with nobody that would've cared if i killed myself and parents that despised me, lbp gave me friends, a coping mechanism, a creative outlet and a way to simply have fun, which are all things that i don't really have anymore.
and ignoring my personal story and feelings, there were so many people that felt the exact same way. at it's peak, the franchise had around 340.000 daily players, with ton a ton of more, less active people. and despite that it had a really tight-knit community. a lot of us knew eachother, played together, helped others out and sometimes we just talked.
i can't really explain it, but these games were one of the most comforting things i ever had.
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I wish there was a way to bring it back @cinnnamonflakez. You write very well, at least I think so.
I'm going to add that phrase every morning in my journal. Just reading it made me breathe better.
the opposite of trauma is play
I'm going to add that phrase every morning in my journal. Just reading it made me breathe better.
the opposite of trauma is play
quick rant.
i hate the way mental health is handled, especially when you live in the system. i've been bouncing around in group homes, shelters and psych wards since i was 12 and my psyche has been steadily declining the whole time.
the thing is, in most cases there isn't much that will be done unless you make it clear that you're actively suicidal (which almost always results in a trip to the mental hospital, and those just make things worse in the majority of cases)
therapy equates to weekly or bi-weekly talks with a psychologist, that's either picked by or works in whatever institution you're in at the time. the most helpful thing you'll get from them are the generic mental health tips (i.e. smile at the mirror every morning, have a proper schedule for every day, try to exercise and eat healthy, all that). and those - for lack of a better word - don't do shit for many people.
being in a group home - especially as a minor - almost always guarantees that you have some sort of severe psychological trauma, distorted thinking patterns and/or behavioral issues, which are all things that are largely disregarded outside of "therapy". you will be treated like a regular, stable person, and not in a positive way.
most of you probably remember my hallucinations (recently got diagnosed with schizophrenia btw), and those are a perfect example. my home got a very detailed report about my symptoms (at least about how they appear from an outside perspective) and they know they're consistently at their worst in the morning. i barely exist for the first few hours after waking up. i constantly get yelled (more screamed) at for not getting up in the morning even though i'm writhing in my bed like a dying animal.
they get ridiculously pissed everytime i forget something (so at least thrice a day) even though they know that i developed partial amnesia thanks to my childhood experiences. there's practically no consideration of your individual problems.
another thing is how insanely slow group homes (and child services) are to get practically anything in motion. i've been in my current home for about one and a half years and i still don't have a bus ticket, even though it's a legal obligation for all minors in the system to have one given to them; at least in my country.
and the last thing is how incredibly understanding and intelligent almost everyone that works in the system thinks they are. they'll look at your files once, take a quick glance at you and firmly believe that they know everything about you and how you tick. there's no room for change or deeper insight unless it comes from an evaluation.
you can tell them what you want, they won't believe or understand you despite thinking they do. which is just so funny to me. i don't get how so few people realize that another person's state of mind and way of thinking is wholly incomprehensible to them, ESPECIALLY if that person is mentally ill or disabled.
i don't know what else to write, not sure if i was going anywhere with this. also, i'm not all there mentally today (at least for my standards) so sorry if my writing is kinda off or hard to understand.
thanks for reading.
i hate the way mental health is handled, especially when you live in the system. i've been bouncing around in group homes, shelters and psych wards since i was 12 and my psyche has been steadily declining the whole time.
the thing is, in most cases there isn't much that will be done unless you make it clear that you're actively suicidal (which almost always results in a trip to the mental hospital, and those just make things worse in the majority of cases)
therapy equates to weekly or bi-weekly talks with a psychologist, that's either picked by or works in whatever institution you're in at the time. the most helpful thing you'll get from them are the generic mental health tips (i.e. smile at the mirror every morning, have a proper schedule for every day, try to exercise and eat healthy, all that). and those - for lack of a better word - don't do shit for many people.
being in a group home - especially as a minor - almost always guarantees that you have some sort of severe psychological trauma, distorted thinking patterns and/or behavioral issues, which are all things that are largely disregarded outside of "therapy". you will be treated like a regular, stable person, and not in a positive way.
most of you probably remember my hallucinations (recently got diagnosed with schizophrenia btw), and those are a perfect example. my home got a very detailed report about my symptoms (at least about how they appear from an outside perspective) and they know they're consistently at their worst in the morning. i barely exist for the first few hours after waking up. i constantly get yelled (more screamed) at for not getting up in the morning even though i'm writhing in my bed like a dying animal.
they get ridiculously pissed everytime i forget something (so at least thrice a day) even though they know that i developed partial amnesia thanks to my childhood experiences. there's practically no consideration of your individual problems.
another thing is how insanely slow group homes (and child services) are to get practically anything in motion. i've been in my current home for about one and a half years and i still don't have a bus ticket, even though it's a legal obligation for all minors in the system to have one given to them; at least in my country.
and the last thing is how incredibly understanding and intelligent almost everyone that works in the system thinks they are. they'll look at your files once, take a quick glance at you and firmly believe that they know everything about you and how you tick. there's no room for change or deeper insight unless it comes from an evaluation.
you can tell them what you want, they won't believe or understand you despite thinking they do. which is just so funny to me. i don't get how so few people realize that another person's state of mind and way of thinking is wholly incomprehensible to them, ESPECIALLY if that person is mentally ill or disabled.
i don't know what else to write, not sure if i was going anywhere with this. also, i'm not all there mentally today (at least for my standards) so sorry if my writing is kinda off or hard to understand.
thanks for reading.
I agree with that completely. The mental side is just as important and sometime more than other factors. The feelings and attitudes of any person when it comes to health can lead to motivation to keep going or desperation to give up. Mental health, physical, emotional, they need to all be addressed so the person knows that are being viewed as a complete person, not just a portion of one.
@cinnnamonflakez I agree with everything you've said in your rant. What always makes me [cuss words edit[ react very strongly is when the arrogance and narrow-sightedness of so called experts, as well as others who have power over vulnerable people often puts them into boxes, with the result being help to nobody but the powerful elite themselves.
I hope all went well and warm. What a learning experience and I’m so glad to hear you had space heaters. I’m going to go buy a bit of wood today anyway since we are having an upcoming “false spring” fur a bit and you know there will be another freeze between now and Easter!
I had no idea of the wrecks. I hope you walked away without a scratch on you👌🏼maybe the vehicles did well as well??
I had no idea of the wrecks. I hope you walked away without a scratch on you👌🏼maybe the vehicles did well as well??
The mind is a difficult thing to live with...
and without.
It can't be trusted, and yet we are expecting it to rule over our bodies and make life changing decisions without our knowledge, direction, or say so in the matter.
Both physically and mentally.... and even emotionally thrown in for good (or bad) measures.
and without.
It can't be trusted, and yet we are expecting it to rule over our bodies and make life changing decisions without our knowledge, direction, or say so in the matter.
Both physically and mentally.... and even emotionally thrown in for good (or bad) measures.
It really gives me chills when I see an star right in front of my backyard which is hundreds of light-years away from earth. Yesterday I saw some stars that were 50+ light-years away from earth.
And most people barely look at the stars or even know them.
But this gives me more of a sensation of humilty, that all my problems aren't so big, that everything is so small and imperfect compared to the stars.